Would this bother you?

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

But if you dont ask for the stuff back you are going to be left feeling resentful at the fact that these family members have your things.

I agree with the poster earlier who said write it off as a bad experience, if you cant, ask for the lot of it back.

No way will DH agree to ask for the toy back. That would be taking away from his poorest brother when we lent to the better off ones.

ognum

OP I do feel sorry that you are so het up about this but I wonder if you have given off vibes indirectly that you are probably not having any more children and that in your joy of the arrival of Baby A you seemed happy for your things to be used. maybe saying something like ' well you might as well get some use out of them' which others could feel meant you were happy for them to be used.

I honestly think you are building a mountain of annoyance and really you just need to understand it is part of life experience and that in future you should lend nothing in order you don't feel upset again.

Really just let it go, your life will be happier and healthier if you do!

GobbledyGook

I wouldn't be cross that they'd used them for the younger siblings, that's something I could see happening without any thought - especially if you didn't need them back at that point.

I would be annoyed at the loaning out to someone else though. That's thoughtless.

I guess there's not much to be said, but ask for them back when you need them and hope they've taken good care of the stuff (sometimes it does happen - my friend loaned her pram to her sister and then her other sister twice, but when she got it back it was still in mint condition).

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

No way will DH agree to ask for the toy back. That would be taking away from his poorest brother when we lent to the better off ones.

Well how about you ask the relatives who dont need the excess stuff and who can afford to replace it for the stuff back?

notanewuser

ognum wrote: »

OP I do feel sorry that you are so het up about this but I wonder if you have given off vibes indirectly that you are probably not having any more children and that in your joy of the arrival of Baby A you seemed happy for your things to be used. maybe saying something like ' well you might as well get some use out of them' which others could feel meant you were happy for them to be used.

No, I definitely didn't say anything like that, especially as DD hasn't outgrown the carseat and we accelerated switching to the less convenient seat to do them a favour.

ognum wrote: »

I honestly think you are building a mountain of annoyance and really you just need to understand it is part of life experience and that in future you should lend nothing in order you don't feel upset again.

Really just let it go, your life will be happier and healthier if you do!

I think I'll start asking for some of the stuff that they are done its back. They've opportunities this month and next to get them back to us.

savingmummy

It was good of yous to lend it to the brother.
I wouldnt dream of passing on things i`d be `lent` family or not i find that really rude.

I`d be quite annoyed too.

Spendless

notanewuser wrote: »

Must just be a difference in thought process between us and them, then.

Certainly. Many people with more than one child dislike others treating one child differently to how they treat their other child/ren (been plenty of threads on the subject). It didn't occur to them that you were happy for them to use your items for only their first-borns.

Adrenalina

I take it you found out by accident that the SIL you lent things to has passed them on? Does she know that you know? Otherwise you could ask her how long she thinks she still needs the items for, jut as a reminder that they are yours and you're expecting them back.
Or you could make up a very good and cash-strapped friend who you promised xyz to, and when could they bring them round...

Janepig

I'd be cross about people passing stuff on that I'd loaned them to others without asking, but on the other hand I'd really only be lending/giving stuff that I had no further use for. For instance I gave my moses basket to a friend after having DS because she was expecting and it was just cluttering up my house. I was happy for her to have it and do what she wanted with it. She mentioned afew times about letting me have it back and I made it clear that I didn't want it.

I actually had a loan of a moses basket after DD was born from a colleague of DH's, and I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything other than giving it back in the condition it was given to me (although I got a new mattress for DD to use, I didn't use the one that came with it) - even though the woman whose basket it was has never gone on to have any more children.

I wouldn't give away anything I'd set my heart on keeping - sentimental stuff, DD's dress she came home from hospital in, first teddy, present my mum bought for DD for Christmas before she was born (she passed away just before DD was born), etc... That's stuff I wouldn't lend, no matter how sure I was of having it back.

OP, I think unless you are upfront and make it clear to your relatives that you want the stuff back, then you've got to give it up as a bad job. No point seething about it unless you speak up.

Jx

notanewuser

Spendless wrote: »

Certainly. Many people with more than one child dislike others treating one child differently to how they treat their other child/ren (been plenty of threads on the subject). It didn't occur to them that you were happy for them to use your items for only their first-borns.

Nobody knew (even them) that they were going to have 2nd children so soon after the first. I think a "is it okay of we keep the suchandsuch for number 2" would have been polite.

Where does that stop? I lent it for 1 child. What of they had 5 or 6 in quick succession? It's not that I don't want babies C and D to use the things, it was the ASSUMPTION that it was fine to keep the things that grates. And then the passing on to baby E with no mention whatsoever.