Family and housing help needed

BigAunty

Taking herself off the bills and putting her father on them is an understandable suggestion but as she's a cash cow for her father who is a cash cow for her brother, this will cause a terrific argument and can't really be concealed for long since the energy company will send letters to him/the occupiers. I'm not even sure that a person taking themselves off the bills can put another person on them. They can probably suggest the name of the person who is taking over from them but I doubt they can simply dump another person on the account, I expect the new account holder is supposed to do this.

Perhaps the OP ought to join a local credit union. Once she is a member for a while with a history of savings, she should be able to get a loan to help her with the first month's rent and deposit (CUs will have different criteria, though, so she should check). That at least will keep her out of the clutches of loan sharks.

Womens Aid, if they help someone in her situation, will also offer free expert advice around her accommodation options, benefits and so forth. I expect though, that they receive a huge spike in the Xmas/new year period so it might take awhile to get support, if she's eligible.

To the OP - will your brother or father consent to giving you written notice to quit the property? Or agree to confirm with the council that they are evicting you? Someone with less than 21 days security of tenure is the definition of homelessness. See the Shelter website to understand how the local council will process a future application from you, what you can expect from them in terms of advice or support. Contact the local council now as even though they may not act until you are told by your brother or father to leave, they should at least outline the process to you and your options, rights, their obligations.

Note that councils can be very poor at meeting their statutory obligations to the homeless. Homeless charities have often flagged up that they try to avoid their legal responsibilities. The Shelter website will tell you what the council is supposed to do, rather than what the council may try to do to get you out of their hair. Shelter, too, can explain the homeless/council route to you. They have a free helpline and some drop in offices, too. Try to understand now what might happen if your brother or father suddenly turn on you and order you to leave. Homeless applicants with dependents or disabilities tend to have a higher priority for assistance by the council.

moneyistooshorttomention

Valid point re the bills.

Hmm...I wonder if those bills are paid by direct debit. If they are, then perhaps its possible to adjust the level of payment downwards as much as possible? Does that sound like a valid suggestion?

[Deleted User]

The fear that your father will be left in a vulnerable position if you leave is making you vulnerable. You have to hand that responsibility back to your father and brother.., the situation is their decision and responsibility and not yours. Otherwise this could carry on until you and your son have no home at all.

Women's Aid will help people not being abused by a spouse or partner.., when I was in a hostel I was friendly with one woman who had been hounded by a friend of the family quite badly. There were no restrictions on who was doing the abusing.

However, if the lady's son is above 16.., there would be a shortage of refuges that will take an older boy. This is a problem I have experienced.

I am very sorry that you have invested all this money on your father's house and will probably get nothing back. This is so wrong.., but its out of your control unfortunately. I fully expect your father has taken out an equity release loan on his house.., so there will be very little left for anyone.

If I was in your position, as others have said, I'd concentrate on regaining control over your future. You have a responsibility to your son and yourself.., your father is able enough to get you all into this situation.., he is able enough to manage if he wanted to. He is making choices that affect you all. And they are bad choices for you all so work on getting out and making your future better than your past. Do whatever you have to to save up a deposit for somewhere to live. Bear in mind that you will have to have enough income to cover the rent.., find out what letting agencies expect you to earn to cover the rent you will have to pay.

It may well be, if your son has special needs (diagnosed) you will be considered a vulnerable family.., so social housing is a possibility. Particularly in view of the abuse that is happening in the household. You will probably need support with this though as (as has already been commented) if the council can find a way to avoid admitting their responsibilities, they will. Shelter is a start. There's also MIND or any charity that deals with whatever special need your child has. If you can get social housing, it will be a lot better than private rentals for the reasons explained in the previous paragraph.

Best of luck.

BigAunty

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Valid point re the bills.

Hmm...I wonder if those bills are paid by direct debit. If they are, then perhaps its possible to adjust the level of payment downwards as much as possible? Does that sound like a valid suggestion?

Direct debits are controlled by the service provider (unlike standing orders) which is why organisations have DDs in place. It would be up to the OP to negotiate a cheaper DD and therefore a strong risk that an energy provider will not reduce them, unless consumption is reduced.

I don't think this is a viable way for the OP to raise the £1k to 2k, or whatever sum she needs, to set up in a new place and she won't get a penny off her brother and father because they are both broke and they don't think she deserves anything back for the money she's ploughed into the property.

This needs to be raised by a credit union loan, a loan from a friend, through full time employment or bypassed as a requirement by presenting herself as homeless to the council when her tenancy has ended or if she can convince them she is subject to domestic abuse within the family, for example.

She could put her foot down and take herself off all bills for a month or three, not buy any groceries for the father, etc, if she can face the terrific fall out from this method of saving up. Somehow I think her father and brother will not react kindly to being told that her father must pay his own expenses so that she can afford her next property, even though her brother is keen for her to leave.

Some councils operate rent deposit guarantee schemes for those in housing need or on low incomes. She could check if her council does and if she qualifies for their scheme. There are some loans from the DWP - crisis loans? DWP loans? Not sure but they can be very hard to get. Perhaps another poster can confirm if these loans are a viable way of raising the money for a deposit and first month's rent or not.

To be honest, so many private landlords will not accept HB claimants so her accommodation options may be widened if she has a full time job.

She should check her benefit entitlements on the Turn2us online benefit calculator and find out her future entitlements if she moves out (i.e. the Local Housing Allowance rate for a 2 bedroom property and how much her income reduces this).

She should also perform this for her father - perhaps he is due Pension Credit and isn't aware that he may qualify for this? She should look into PC and perhaps this means that her father isn't going to live in penury because of the harsh way that her brother taxes her father for his part ownership of the property in the form of rent, rather than being grateful that the father has voluntarily gifted half of his capital to him in the first place.

Perhaps once she has left that toxic exploitative environment, she can report her brother for elder abuse for taking half of his income off him and not allowing social care assessments to take place. Advice on Age uk or here. (Though it seems to be more about mutual dependency, with the father's consent, rather than through pressure).

http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/cymru/health--wellbeing/relationships-and-family/elder-abuse/

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/cymru/health--wellbeing/relationships-and-family/elder-abuse/

Laney2

I'm absolutely amazed at all the fantastic views and advise from you all. Thankyou. It's heartwarming to feel that my situation has been genuinely understood.
I have spoken to my doctor about the situation and she is sending me for counselling. My son is feeling the pressures also and is showing signs of depression. He says he does not want to leave the house as he doesn't cope we'll with change. He is registered disabled and I do receive careers allowance. I think if it had just been me to worry about I would have gone already.
Neither my dad or my brother discuss anything with me-it's all been done behind my back. I'm definitely in a blackmail situation by them,the emotional hurt is intense. When I found out my dad had given my brother half the house I was really hurt. When I found out since I lived here my brother takes £200 a month 'rent' from my dad (half his pension basically) I was disgusted! My dad didn't have hot running water and only a wood burning stove as he said he couldn't afford it before I moved in.

teddysmum

My goodness, you must be a more caring person than me, because I'd go and leave him to it. A care home place will probably be needed, so there will be no income for dear brother's rent and, as has been said, the council may be interested in the 'gift'.


He should be paying tax on the rent, but I wonder whether any tax is due on the house transfer, as it was not through inheritance.


I realise that moving your son would be a problem, but , perhaps, better now, than if circumstances become more uncomfortable. Could you talk to him and convince him that being alone with Mum would be a happier, cosier place to be ?

pineapple123

I feel so sorry for you and first reaction would be to leave however as you say your father would suffer as a consequence.
I cant offer any practical advice really other than whats been said, you are looking at the impossible changing an old mans outdated views and a self centered greedy brother attitude.

I fear you are going to continue to suffer with increased resentment unless you change the dynamics of the situation. You clearly love your father but feel hurt and betrayed. You need to seek help now so that you know your rights, maybe get care for dad, advice and support for you.

I wish you the best.

pineapple123

I feel so sorry for you and first reaction would be to leave however as you say your father would suffer as a consequence.
I cant offer any practical advice really other than whats been said, you are looking at the impossible changing an old mans outdated views and a self centered greedy brother attitude.

I fear you are going to continue to suffer with increased resentment unless you change the dynamics of the situation. You clearly love your father but feel hurt and betrayed. You need to seek help now so that you know your rights, maybe get care for dad, advice and support for you.

I wish you the best.

LannieDuck

The one good part about this is that you're living rent-free. That's a £400 a month saving, or £5000 a year. Depending on how many years you've lived there, could you convince yourself that you've recuped your investment that way? I know it's not much of a consolation from going from being a property-owner to renting.

I'm afraid you've been rather naive, while your brother knows exactly what he's doing. It's time to change that and start putting you and yours first. Yes, you have some responsibility to your father (no more or less than your brother has), but you also have a greater responsibility to your children. At the moment it sounds as if your brother could (and might) turf you and them out at any point).

I would:

a) consult a solicitor. They might be able to find a way to get your investment back that we can't see... but I'm doubtful Perhaps when you move out you could at least take any items you can prove you purchased?
b) stay as long as you can put up with it in order to save a deposit from the rent you're saving. If you need help with this, head over to the DFW boards.
c) move out and don't look back. I'm afraid that sooner or later this is inevitable, however hard it will be for your son. When you move, make sure you take a note of all utilities (dated photographs of the meters etc), and let the companies know you've moved.

If you're feeling generous, you could leave with an offer to help your father set up the various DDs himself, and sort out a weekly grocery order if he transfers £30/week to your account to cover it. That favour would need to come with a please/thank you, or not at all. I doubt he'll take you up on it, but it should help your conscience.

But really your father should be fine. He has sufficient money to look after himself (£400/mth+winter fuel allowance+single persons council tax allowance). And it's time your brother took on some of the responsibility.

By doing all this you may well be writing yourself out of the will... but I honestly don't think there's going to be anything left for you if you wait around. Your father will either leave his assets to your brother (because he's a man, or some such nonsense), or at the very most will leave you half, meaning brother has 75% of the house and you have 25%. And I concur with the others, that brother may well have secured loans against the property.

It's a sucky situation, but I don't think you're going to get a lump sum out of it (unless your solicitor can see a way), and as such you need to move on and leave them to it.

Mojisola

Laney2515 wrote: »

In 2007 my dad asked me to move in with him as he was struggling living alone. He is 81.

He advises me to sell my house, and with the proceeds I renovated his house to a more liveable standard fitting and paying for kitchen, bathroom, patio, front and rear upvc doors, part double glazing, conservatory, gas main fitted to enable central heating, decorating and carpet.

LannieDuck wrote: »

It's a sucky situation, but I don't think you're going to get a lump sum out of it (unless your solicitor can see a way), and as such you need to move on and leave them to it.

It's worth investigating beneficial interest in the light of your father asking you to give up your own home and spend money on his.

It may be that it's too much bother dealing with solicitor and going to court and it's better to walk away from it but check it out first.

I really don't think you need to worry about how he will cope after this - In my own dad's words 'I am nothing because I am a divorced single lady, 'if I get married again I become his daughter and my son becomes his grandson again'