Family and housing help needed

moneyistooshorttomention

I was wondering whether HMRC might take an interest in this "rent" your father is paying your brother. That might give you a bit of leverage with your brother...as in letting him know you might tell HMRC that he owes them some tax money on that.

Those are the three bits of leverage that you have with your brother in this situation:
- that I don't suppose for one minute he wants your father moving in with him

- the tax bill your brother might well owe on that "rent"

- the fact that, if your father ends up in a care home, there just "might" be the Council trying to get round whatever provisions your brother has put in place to stop them and going after house equity anyway (even though these provisions are over 7 years old). I have a vague memory of hearing of Councils finding ways to push it for house equity even after some years have elapsed.

I suspect your brother wouldn't be "working quite so hard" to get round your father AND convince you that "black is white" if he didn't see some sort of flaw with his schemes and is hoping you wont spot it.

Mojisola

Laney2 wrote: »

House is modest semi,not particularly nice area.

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

- the fact that, if your father ends up in a care home, there just "might" be the Council trying to get round whatever provisions your brother has put in place to stop them and going after house equity anyway (even though these provisions are over 7 years old). I have a vague memory of hearing of Councils finding ways to push it for house equity even after some years have elapsed.

The 7 year rule only applies to inheritance tax, not deprivation of capital.

If the house is a modest semi, is inheritance tax an issue at all? Your father will be able to leave up to £325,000 without tax being due on the estate and up to double that amount if the spousal transfer can be used.

BigAunty

See the Age UK website to understand how a council will investigate for deprivation of assets (capital).

You should also research Deprivation of Capital from a benefits perspective because if you claim means tested benefits in the future, such as housing benefit/council tax benefit at a new place when you move out, there is always the chance that the benefit authorities will detect that you once had a large lump sum that has now diminished and want to understand what happened to it.

BigAunty

To the OP, consider contacting Womens Aid to see if they support women who are being abused/exploited by their family members.

If your experience was taking place in a setting that involved a partner, many of us would have recommended WA straight away. I'm not sure if they cover family relationships, too, but you could ask.

There are hints in their description of what is classed as domestic abuse and harassment that it can be by family, too. Domestic abuse isn't just about a partner being physically abusive, it's also about being emotionally abused, controlled and economically exploited. You have been subject to extensive financial abuse and pressure tactics. I think you should read through the WA site to see how much chimes with you.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence


Perhaps there's another charity that is dedicated to helping family members abused by other family members rather than between partners? Anybody know?

EDIT - certainly the official definition of domestic abuse does extend to behaviour by family members.

http://www.report-it.org.uk/domestic_abuse1

moneyistooshorttomention

BigAunty wrote: »

To the OP, consider contacting Womens Aid to see if they support women who are being abused/exploited by their family members.


Perhaps there's another charity that is dedicated to helping family members abused by other family members rather than between partners? Anybody know?

It may well be that Womens Aid would at least know which direction to proceed in, even if they aren't a suitable organisation of themselves. After all...their name is "Womens" Aid and not "Wife" Aid...so you never know.

There are a lot of abusive family relationships going on besides husband/wife after all.

I've been on the sidelines for years watching someone I know being on the receiving end of similar treatment from a parent and brother. The parent was actively helping the brother to have their life sorted out financially literally at her daughters expense (ie using the daughters own money for the brothers benefit!!). I was shocked when I heard how things had transpired in the past and I saw how things turned out eventually:(

Jobseeeker

Laney, if you privately rented you may be entitled to some housing benefit for you and your son and possibly carer's allowance. How many years ago was it that you sold your house?

As other posters suggested perhaps you should see a solicitor. I mean, your father misled you in order to gain a large investment. He did not tell you that the house had another owner. That sounds like fraud.

BigAunty

Perhaps the OP simply needs to find her own place, get a full time job, find a disability charity that help her son into employment or full time education and encourage her father to seek medical/social care for his domestic/health needs.

Yes, she was duped and is considered a lesser being that is supposed to be servile and put her brother and father's needs first. She has been brainwashed into handing over her cash, energy and time for no return.

But perhaps she can find the courage to draw a line under her dysfunctional family, realise the extent to which she has been financially and emotionally blackmailed, move on and prioritise herself and her son.

She's been taken to the point of financial ruin and homelessness by her father and brother who have treated her as a slave and cash cow. There's nothing left other than the future and it's up to her to shape it.

I say, get out of their clutches and be more independent, learn the lesson that you have to stand on your own two feet while your father and brother continue with their dysfunction whereby your father gifts capital and income to his son who doesn't lift a finger for him.

BigAunty

Laney2 wrote: »

I'm only trying to get a little back what I've spent on it to at least be able to have deposit and rent in advance.

Realistically, I don't think you will see a penny as their past behaviour shows - your dad didn't handover a penny of his winter fuel allowance to pay towards the heating, both your brother and father think you ought to be grateful that they've allowed you to spend all of your money in a property and all your time running household tasks for your dad for absolutely no return whatsoever.

They actually think they've done you a favour by asset stripping you and your dad threatens to leave the remaining half of the property to your brother whenever you justifiably say that you want them to address the imbalance.

But deep down you rightly suspect that the reason you aren't on the deeds is so they have total leverage over you. Once you realise that you are probably never going to realise your share, either because your father will never feel you deserve it or because the council will put a charge on the property if he goes into care, then you can move on with your life. They have tried to make you both dependent on them and the moment you resisted, they've threatened you with being disinherited or becoming homeless.

You can't rely on their charity so make plans now to leave rather than letting it run to the logical conclusion of your father or brother literally throwing you out on the street.

BigAunty

Laney2 wrote: »

A full time carer would be around £500 per week . My brother says he does not need one.

Probably the reason why your father sabotages your efforts to get him assessed for disability is because he gets you to wait on him hand and foot for free. Same with your brother.

Though you feel deeply obliged to look after your father, social care services are precisely there for that purpose. The fact that they think their inheritance or income will suffer if he goes into care shows that they know the property would have to be eventually sold to pay for it - a council will put a charge on the property if your dad goes into care.

This is why they are both engineering you to provide the care, to protect their investment. It's clear that you've been subject to belittling for many years so do look into how you can restore your confidence. It's been eroded so you are easier to control and are made to follow your plans.

I bet your brother and father expect you to walk away from the property without collecting a penny while continuing to look after your father to the same extent as before, by trying to dangle a future share of the property in your face, one that you stand a high risk of not getting or emotional blackmail, because it is your expected role.

moneyistooshorttomention

BTW.

Get those bills OUT of YOUR name and back into your fathers name asap. Do NOT tell your father or brother what you are doing there...just do it...and keep the money you have thereby saved to one side.

At least that way you get to keep your hands on a little bit of your own money.