Eating meals at friends / family's homes

Errata

I have no idea what it might be, but something has prevented, and is preventing, the woman understanding what normal personal and evironment cleanliness and food safety should be,

valk_scot

After reading this thread I have an almost overwhelming urge to go and clean the fridge or something. (And I cleaned it last Monday before the Xmas food went in, I hasten to add!)

paulineb_2

I would imagine there are many many people who live like she does, I did suggest depression earlier in the thread, but Im also aware that not everyone with depression lives like this

Something isnt right and I can understand your husband not wanting to upset his mum, but hes doing her no favours by staying silent

His lack of support for you over this is something I would also be very very concerned about as well.

Im not always the tidiest person in the world but I dont live in filth and I shower regularly, there really is something wrong here.

She could end up making herself ill never mind anyone else.

paddy's_mum

You do realise that what your husband is actually saying is that he'd rather risk causing grave harm to his own children (who can't assess the risk for themselves) than offend his mother. Bet that makes you feel loved and cherished.

Do you also realise that if M-i-L gets away with having manipulated a whole bunch of you this year, he has just reinforced such sneaky behaviour in the future?

I'd go so far as to suggest that it's time you - yes, you yourself! - stood up to him and insisted that if he won't protect you and the children, then monumental row or not, you ruddy well will!

Me - I'd be gratified if you showed him this thread and he realises that neither his attitude nor his mother's perceptions are normal. The food went off by the 23rd .... jehosophat with knobs on!

paddy's_mum

tinkerfairy wrote: »

He said .. how would I like it if someone told me I was dirty

Honestly? If someone told me of something that I was doing that was causing unhappiness and worry to those that I loved, or which was putting myself or my loved ones at risk, I'd be grateful to have had someone think enough of me, and of them, to make the effort to put me straight.

Does your husband deny your home smoke alarms or fireguards? Does he insist the kids don't buckle their seat belts? He surely doesn't throw petrol over the kids just before he lights their Guy Fawkes sparklers?

No ... I wonder why not?

thorsoak

Do you know what? I'm beginning to feel sorry for this poor lady - what started off as a general gripe about going to see Ma-in-law when she really wanted and needed to go to see OP's dad in hospital - has degenerated into a general slag-off of this MIL.

OP : you were in the right in complaining about your OH insisting that you visit your MIL - but why did you think it necessary to add embellishments - messy, dirty, dodgy personal hygiene/unfit food etc etc?

If your MIL is as bad as this, then you have a responsibility to make it clear to your OH that she needs medical help. As your father is your responsibility, so your MIL is the responsibility of your OH and your FIL.

Personally, I rather doubt the picture painted ..if as bad as painted, there would be more than a mild case of food poisoning!

SuzieSue

[QUOTE=thorsoak;64183090

Personally, I rather doubt the picture painted ..if as bad as painted, there would be more than a mild case of food poisoning![/QUOTE]

Well, I believe the OP. There have been lots of tv programs where people have lived in exactly the same conditions as she has described and they are still alive. They might build up some immunity, I don't know.

tinkerfairy

SuzieSue wrote: »

If your MIL does not realise that her house is dirty then she has serious mental health problems.

Just tell your husband that if he refuses to do anything about the state of her house then your children's visits will be kept to a minimum for their own safety.

How old are your children?

They are 1, 3 and 7.

paddy's_mum

tinkerfairy wrote: »

They are 1, 3 and 7.

As far as I am concerned, this is vindication for every last objection you have raised. Grot induced illness in children of 1 and 3 is quite enough to make them very ill indeed and a resultant death is not (sadly) outside the realms of possibility.

It can't be all the OP either if the brother's girlfriend is bringing her own cutlery/crockery.

paddy's_mum

thorsoak wrote: »

If your MIL is as bad as this, then you have a responsibility to make it clear to your OH that she needs medical help.

Thorsoak - you obviously never met my neighbour who, when we helped her and her elderly husband to move house, had a carrier bag full of beige plastic tubes, about an inch long, all neatly stored in the bedside drawer. It turned out they were the disposable insertion tubes for his laxative jelly suppositories. Just one example of the grot some people hoard though why they wanted upward of 100 of them - unwashed I might add - I never could quite grasp.

However, I heartily agree with your observation above.