Eating meals at friends / family's homes

paulineb_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Thorsoak - you obviously never met my neighbour who, when we helped her and her elderly husband to move house, had a carrier bag full of beige plastic tubes, about an inch long, all neatly stored in the bedside drawer. It turned out they were the disposable insertion tubes for his laxative jelly suppositories. Just one example of the grot some people hoard though why they wanted upward of 100 of them - unwashed I might add - I never could quite grasp.

However, I heartily agree with your observation above.

Is it wrong that I laughed so much at that I almost wet myself? It is wrong, sorry.

Corelli

OP, you do sound as though you are describing a lady with MH isssues and if you could take this line with your OH in a clear assertive way it might help. As in, 'I'm worried about your Mum, and the repercussions that the way she is behaving with regard to cleanliness and hygeine is having on our family'

As a side point, the 'gone off' food. If it was meat products I will admit to not having a clue, but 'best before dates' are really only there as a guideline. Doesn't anyone else in this part of the forum buy from Approved Foods and delight in getting the end of date products in supermarkets?

meritaten

Corelli wrote: »

OP, you do sound as though you are describing a lady with MH isssues and if you could take this line with your OH in a clear assertive way it might help. As in, 'I'm worried about your Mum, and the repercussions that the way she is behaving with regard to cleanliness and hygeine is having on our family'

As a side point, the 'gone off' food. If it was meat products I will admit to not having a clue, but 'best before dates' are really only there as a guideline. Doesn't anyone else in this part of the forum buy from Approved Foods and delight in getting the end of date products in supermarkets?

Yes - but we are sensible and don't live in filth. we also conduct the tests which were standard before the food industry introduced 'best before' dates or 'use buy' dates. we look, smell and feel the product. funnily enough, housewives have done that for thousands of years.....common sense I think its called!

paulineb_2

Yeah, I do. But I'm not a meat eater. Best befores can be eaten long after the date, its the use by dates on items you need to watch out for.

paye

trust me if it's a dirty house don't bother going there. I would make up an excuse if I were you.

dktreesea

OP, what do you mean by "really dirty" and what is your idea of clean? If I go into a house which has cats or dogs, the first thing I notice is the smell. Like a faint scent of unwashed bodies. Especially houses which have dogs who have the full run of the house. The idea of a dog in a kitchen, let alone a bedroom, makes me feel sick.
Yet, for most people who do have animals, I doubt they would even notice this kind of thing.

I grew up in a household where floors got washed once a week, if that. In my OH's house, floors were swept after every meal and washed at least once a day. I just wash our floors when they need it. We regularly have a sink load of dishes. When the sink is full, we wash them. But I have friends who can't bear the thought of leaving a cup unwashed once it's used.

Are you sure the house in question really is "really dirty"? Maybe it's just cluttered and has rubbish that hasn't been emptied out or thrown away for a while. Plus, older people don't have a lot of energy. maybe the current state of your MIL's house is all she can manage on her own?

tinkerfairy

Corelli wrote: »

OP, you do sound as though you are describing a lady with MH isssues and if you could take this line with your OH in a clear assertive way it might help. As in, 'I'm worried about your Mum, and the repercussions that the way she is behaving with regard to cleanliness and hygeine is having on our family'

As a side point, the 'gone off' food. If it was meat products I will admit to not having a clue, but 'best before dates' are really only there as a guideline. Doesn't anyone else in this part of the forum buy from Approved Foods and delight in getting the end of date products in supermarkets?

Best before is different to a use by date on chicken.

tinkerfairy

dktreesea wrote: »

OP, what do you mean by "really dirty" and what is your idea of clean? If I go into a house which has cats or dogs, the first thing I notice is the smell. Like a faint scent of unwashed bodies. Especially houses which have dogs who have the full run of the house. The idea of a dog in a kitchen, let alone a bedroom, makes me feel sick.
Yet, for most people who do have animals, I doubt they would even notice this kind of thing.

I grew up in a household where floors got washed once a week, if that. In my OH's house, floors were swept after every meal and washed at least once a day. I just wash our floors when they need it. We regularly have a sink load of dishes. When the sink is full, we wash them. But I have friends who can't bear the thought of leaving a cup unwashed once it's used.

Are you sure the house in question really is "really dirty"? Maybe it's just cluttered and has rubbish that hasn't been emptied out or thrown away for a while. Plus, older people don't have a lot of energy. maybe the current state of your MIL's house is all she can manage on her own?

She isn't old she is only 58 . She was like this before her husband died 10 years ago. When my partner lived at home, he was the only person who done the housework,although she would to the laundry. I don't think its a mental health problem.

paulineb_2

My mum is 64 and still works full time and I bet there are plenty of older people who work and manage to live in a home that's not a filth pit.

If we blamed everything on age, no older person would ever do anything. My gran was 86 when she died, she didn't live in a dirty home.

I disagree on the mental health issue, if you live in a filth pit, don't wash and don't brush your teeth for a year, something is very wrong, that's beyond laziness.

Errata

tinkerfairy wrote: »

She isn't old she is only 58 . She was like this before her husband died 10 years ago. When my partner lived at home, he was the only person who done the housework,although she would to the laundry. I don't think its a mental health problem.

I don't think it's a mental health problem either. She sounds like a common or garden !!!!!!.
Be that as it may, your first duty is to your children - not your OH or your MIL. Your children are dependant on you to protect them from harm, that's your job, clearly neither your OH or MIL see it as theirs. If that means a five star row with them about not visiting that's their misfortune not yours or your childrens.