Eating meals at friends / family's homes

Georgiegirl256

paulineb wrote: »

My mum is 64 and still works full time and I bet there are plenty of older people who work and manage to live in a home that's not a filth pit.

If we blamed everything one age, no older person would ever do anything. My gran was 86 when she died, she didn't live in a dirty home.

I disagree on the mental health issue, if you live in a filth pit, don't wash and don't brush your teeth for a year, something is very wrong, that's beyond laziness.

Totally agree. My Mam is 74, and her and my Dad's house is immaculate. My Dad jokes that housework is my Mam's hobby! :rotfl:

A lot of older people are fastidious about cleaning, so I don't think age has anything to do with it at all. I think in the case, the OP's MIL is just a dirty mare :eek: Houses and people like that make me feel sick.

Maz

I'm in the 'not a mental health issue' camp as well. Some people just don't care about the state of their houses, I've known quite a few people like that and my god, a couple of them have been complete s**t holes!

Because they choose to live like that doesn't necessarily mean they need psychiatric help, they quite often just don't 'see' the mess and dirt as incredible as that may seem! I personally know at least two people like that and they are the sanest folk you could ever meet in every other area of their lives.

paulineb_2

Irrespective of whether she does or doesnt have depression or any other mental health issue, I do think that it would be kinder to her in the long run for her family to gently say something to her rather than ignore it.

I really do think though, that if you dont brush your teeth from one year to the next, theres something more going on than laziness, thats not just about not caring about the state of your pad, its about not caring about yourself.

Errata

paulineb wrote: »

Irrespective of whether she does or doesnt have depression or any other mental health issue, I do think that it would be kinder to her in the long run for her family to gently say something to her rather than ignore it.

I really do think though, that if you dont brush your teeth from one year to the next, theres something more going on than laziness, thats not just about not caring about the state of your pad, its about not caring about yourself.

Her family are her sons, and it would appear they don't care enough about her to 'gently say something'.

paulineb_2

Errata wrote: »

Her family are her sons, and it would appear they don't care enough about her to 'gently say something'.

I know who her family are, Ive read the thread and Im aware that they dont seem to want to tackle it, but they should, thats just my view.

paddy's_mum

Errata wrote: »

your first duty is to your children

And that, tinkerfairy, is the heart of this matter and the grounds upon which you stand in absolute, unwavering defiance of what your lacksadaisical husband and in-laws want.

My mother once became ill with campylobacter. In the space of a few days, she went from a fit and active woman of your m-i-l's age to a frail, trembling, (at times) semi-conscious near skeleton. Despite being in hospital and with every care, she went from 7 1/2 stone to a little over 5, bled from an outraged gut until she needed a transfusion, and took months to fully recover. ("Just a straightforward case of simple food poisoning" says paddy's mum in an off-hand manner and with a throwaway gesture of the hand.)

I wish I could get my hands on your husband and shake the silly blighter!

seven-day-weekend

Maz wrote: »

I'm in the 'not a mental health issue' camp as well. Some people just don't care about the state of their houses, I've known quite a few people like that and my god, a couple of them have been complete s**t holes!

Because they choose to live like that doesn't necessarily mean they need psychiatric help, they quite often just don't 'see' the mess and dirt as incredible as that may seem! I personally know at least two people like that and they are the sanest folk you could ever meet in every other area of their lives.

I used to go to a house where the children and animals just $h4t on the floor and it was just left. The cooker hob was literally an inch deep in grease. The person responsible worked full-time and was quite normal in other ways, and didn't seem to think it was any big deal.

thorsoak

dktreesea wrote: »

OP, what do you mean by "really dirty" and what is your idea of clean? If I go into a house which has cats or dogs, the first thing I notice is the smell. Like a faint scent of unwashed bodies. Especially houses which have dogs who have the full run of the house. The idea of a dog in a kitchen, let alone a bedroom, makes me feel sick.
Yet, for most people who do have animals, I doubt they would even notice this kind of thing.

I grew up in a household where floors got washed once a week, if that. In my OH's house, floors were swept after every meal and washed at least once a day. I just wash our floors when they need it. We regularly have a sink load of dishes. When the sink is full, we wash them. But I have friends who can't bear the thought of leaving a cup unwashed once it's used.

Are you sure the house in question really is "really dirty"? Maybe it's just cluttered and has rubbish that hasn't been emptied out or thrown away for a while. Plus, older people don't have a lot of energy. maybe the current state of your MIL's house is all she can manage on her own?

We've always owned dogs and they have been part of the family, and as such, they are allowed in the kitchen. However they are not allowed on worktops or up at the table - and any cat who dares to jump onto a worktop soon has a "flying lesson":eek:

My kitchen floor is washed daily, as is the utility room floor. I have throws for the sofas and chairs which are changed whenever visitors are expected. It is a recognised fact that children who grow up with animals have a better immune system than those who grow up in a totally sterile atmosphere.

Also, I buy meat that has been reduced because it is near its "use by" date - provided that it has not been previously frozen. I freeze it (on Christmas Eve I bought a fresh turkey with a use by date of 27.12.13 which was frozen immediately I got home, and that will be used at Easter).

Older people are perfectly capable of keeping and managing a clean home - this lady is either a complete !!!!!! and it is a miracle that she has given no-one botulism/campylobactor/salmonella rather than "mild food poisoning", or she is losing the mental capacity to distinguish between mucky and filthy - or there is an exaggeration on the part of the OP.

dktreesea

If a person is personally dirty, why wouldn't that be a mental health issue?

On the housing issue, I guess people just get used to their surroundings, especially if they don't go to other people's houses, so don't have something to directly compare their own housing state with.

dktreesea

thorsoak wrote: »

We've always owned dogs and they have been part of the family, and as such, they are allowed in the kitchen. However they are not allowed on worktops or up at the table - and any cat who dares to jump onto a worktop soon has a "flying lesson":eek:

My kitchen floor is washed daily, as is the utility room floor. I have throws for the sofas and chairs which are changed whenever visitors are expected. It is a recognised fact that children who grow up with animals have a better immune system than those who grow up in a totally sterile atmosphere.

Also, I buy meat that has been reduced because it is near its "use by" date - provided that it has not been previously frozen. I freeze it (on Christmas Eve I bought a fresh turkey with a use by date of 27.12.13 which was frozen immediately I got home, and that will be used at Easter).

Older people are perfectly capable of keeping and managing a clean home - this lady is either a complete !!!!!! and it is a miracle that she has given no-one botulism/campylobactor/salmonella rather than "mild food poisoning", or she is losing the mental capacity to distinguish between mucky and filthy - or there is an exaggeration on the part of the OP.

What I meant with animals is that most people who own them wouldn't see their presence as unclean. And in the case of cats, they could be right, because presumably the presence of a cat puts would be house guests like rats and mice off moving in.

My point was that one person's idea of unclean is not necessarily another's. I personally wouldn't have a dog in my house unless it served a functional purpose, e.g. a seeing eye dog, a companion for an autistic child or a guard dog. We would have to have a larger house, lol, because I wouldn't want the dog in the room where I am, but the rest of my family want a dog, so they would have to have a separate lounge for them and their dog. But I draw the line at bedrooms and the kitchen.

I've lived in slums in third world countries from time to time, and what is shocking and horrible on the day of arrival just gets completely blanked by the end of the visit. It just kind of disappears from one's personal "area of concern". It's like having a greatly reduced zone of personal safety. I suspect with the OP's MIL, she sees the conditions and rubbish, but she isn't personally affected/disturbed by it.