Eating meals at friends / family's homes

nickj_2

spirit wrote: »

in post #17 the OP tells us they used to do her cleaning til told not to.

i didn't get that far , however if it seems she is unable to cook properly or keep the house clean if it were my mum i would still sort things out

spirit

nickj wrote: »

i didn't get that far , however if it seems she is unable to cook properly or keep the house clean if it were my mum i would still sort things out

I would too.

dktreesea

nickj wrote: »

i didn't get that far , however if it seems she is unable to cook properly or keep the house clean if it were my mum i would still sort things out

spirit wrote: »

I would too.

Being optimistic is nice, but the fact is not all mums in this position would welcome the help. And your effort wouldn't last indefinitely. Without a commitment by the occupant to commit to keeping the house the way your "blitz" had restored it to, the house would deteriorate back into the current shape in no time.

People who go down the route you advocate could end up being unpaid skivvies, going in to clean the mess up week in week out with no improvement on the part of the occupant to keeping it clean.

Kaz2904

But that's what happened. They went in weekly to clean and she stopped them.
They really have done what they can I would say. so now, they need to put their foot down and refuse to go to a slum. She's got no excuse for it because they all willingly cleaned it themselves until a little while ago o it's either mental illness or sheer bloody mindedness.

lemony_7

OMG Tinkerfairy you sound just like me! My MIL is just like that too - the sort of person that wipes a dirty frying pan with kitchen roll before putting it back in the cupboard. But she has a cat with a (9+ year) skin condition which means it leaves clumps of hair/scabs all over the place including in the kitchen prep areas *vomit*

I refuse to eat or drink there unless I bring it myself and they know it's because I'm not comfortable with how dirty it is (I'm not a subtle person!) I have Crohn's too so if I get food poisoning I'm REALLY ill. Husband grew up there so is used to the shithole but can now see how bad it is. I'm not letting DD (2yo) round any more as she's been eaten alive by god knows what's living in there.

Dozey_crow

I am also agreeing that this type of behavior is not necessarily a sign of mental illness. I have worked with people who have depression and other MH conditions and very few have ended up in the state op describes.

Years ago I worked in a well known supermarket and meet a new friend there H. H lived in a flat just across the road and suggested we go back for lunch one day. :eek::eek: The whole place was ankle deep in dirty clothes (including ubderwear ) the kitchen was revolting bags of rotting food everywhere, washing up piled high weeks old and the bathroom:eek: not even describing it:eek:

She knew she was lazy she admitted as much when she bought plastic plates and cutlery because she couldn't be bothered to wash up. We also went to get mother's round the corner and that was just the same but on a larger scale.

Friends of ours moved into a house that they got for a song because it was beyond filthy. The last person that owned it (single mother in her 30's) let the dogs have free reign and left them in the house all day whilst she was at work. She also didn't clean anything including their offerings. The kitchen was gross years of grime, grease and dirt. Not only was she feeding a kid in this disgusting place but she kept her uniform on it and she was/is.......a nurse :eek::eek: superrbug anyone???

*Louise*

I wouldn't have wanted to visit or eat there either. I have a weak stomach and will gag at any awful smells, never mind try and eat in an unhygienic environment.

I have one relative who's home I haven't visited for 3 years now - last time I was there the place smelled so badly of dog urine that I actually threw up. The only food anyone ate was a newly opened box of Roses that was passed round.

I still won't go back there, and it's a tricky process of working round important events but my mum and I tend to host them at our houses to get round it.

Aldahbra

Dozey_crow wrote: »

I am also agreeing that this type of behavior is not necessarily a sign of mental illness. I have worked with people who have depression and other MH conditions and very few have ended up in the state op describes.

Years ago I worked in a well known supermarket and meet a new friend there H. H lived in a flat just across the road and suggested we go back for lunch one day. :eek::eek: The whole place was ankle deep in dirty clothes (including ubderwear ) the kitchen was revolting bags of rotting food everywhere, washing up piled high weeks old and the bathroom:eek: not even describing it:eek:

She knew she was lazy she admitted as much when she bought plastic plates and cutlery because she couldn't be bothered to wash up. We also went to get mother's round the corner and that was just the same but on a larger scale.

Friends of ours moved into a house that they got for a song because it was beyond filthy. The last person that owned it (single mother in her 30's) let the dogs have free reign and left them in the house all day whilst she was at work. She also didn't clean anything including their offerings. The kitchen was gross years of grime, grease and dirt. Not only was she feeding a kid in this disgusting place but she kept her uniform on it and she was/is.......a nurse :eek::eek: superrbug anyone???

Superbugs are caused by over cleaning and the misuse of antibiotics and anti virus drugs.

BitterAndTwisted

This particular situation would be quite simple for me: I wouldn't set foot over the ruddy threshold.

The MIL being an unsavoury slattern isn't the problem here, it's the husband making plans without consultation and expecting his wife and kids to risk their health and well-being by entering such a filthy midden.

norfolkmum

The last time I and my kids ate round my MILs was around 12 years ago. She was making us dinner and I looked up to see 2 cats walking around the plates (with food on) while they were on the side. You could see hairs and bits falling off the cats onto the plates, disgusting. Never been back to eat and never will.