Eating meals at friends / family's homes

ALI1973

It is a really tough call, and tbh, I would be inclined to either make sure the kids are well fed (and ladened with christmas choccies) AND I would take food with me (it would be rude to go empty handed ) and ensure that kids knew to eat only what I had taken.

OR, offer to go earlier to "help" and take some bleach and clean cloths with you.

My MIL, was not as clean as I would prefer, so we would always go early and I would volunteer to help clean up in readiness for visitors ( I used to make out that I needed to keep busy, strangely she never did ask where all the bleach came from lol), and kids would just have what I had taken.

tinkerfairy

I am glad it isn't just me . I am not going and will tell him neither are the children. We are going to do what I had originally planned. He will probably argue they are his children too and he can take them if he wants and I imagine the children will be a bit upset as they like spending time with him as they only see him a few hours a day.

Brighton_belle

So just to clarify, your father has just had an operation for cancer and you had arranged to spend Boxing Day with him and have bought all the food for that.
Your husband is somewhat aggressively insisting that these arrangements/your father's anticipation of your company is a worthless irrelevance and you will be going to his mothers because 'she's bought all the food now' (not an unheard of passive aggressive way to get people to bend to your will - get the food without consulting and present it as a fait a compli)


This to me is much more of an issue that the state of the house.

tinkerfairy

Brighton_belle wrote: »

So just to clarify, your father has just had an operation for cancer and you had arranged to spend Boxing Day with him and have bought all the food for that.
Your husband is somewhat aggressively insisting that these arrangements/your father's anticipation of your company is a worthless irrelevance and you will be going to his mothers because 'she's bought all the food now' (not an unheard of passive aggressive way to get people to bend to your will - get the food without consulting and present it as a fait a compli)


This to me is much more of an issue that the state of the house.

In all fairness I hadn't told him what I had planned I just assumed he would know we would be visiting dad boxing day as we never go out xmas day. He has seen all the food I bought dont know what he thought it was for as we always have a buffet boxing day. His mum only bought her food yesterday apparently.

I suppose I am as much at fault over the planning as him as I did not inform him of my plans.

Brighton_belle

tinkerfairy wrote: »

In all fairness I hadn't told him what I had planned I just assumed he know we would be visiting dad boxing day as we never go out xmas day. He has seen all the food I bought dont know what he thought it was for as we always have a buffet boxing day. His mum only bought her food yesterday apparently.

I suppose I am as much at fault over the planning as him as I did not inform him of my plans.

ok, thanks for the clarification because he was looking very unreasonable.

heartbreak_star

Can you show him this thread?

HBS x

System

Your husband could just tell his mum that your father needs to take priority this time so you (and the children?) won't be able to come. But long-term the situation needs to be addressed, or she will invite you all again!

gunsandbanjos

Add me to the ranks of nope, not in a million years! Gads, it's making me feel sick just reading about it!

Toto

tinkerfairy wrote: »

I tried telling him we weren't going there and he just went mad and insisted we were. I just hope we get snow like they forecasted that'll settle the argument lol

I would be politely reminding him that going mad is not going to get him his own way.


Your dad has been poorly and you've made plans. Invite his mum over to join in, problem solved. Do not be bullied into putting yourself or your kids at risk.

Scrapaholic

No, I wouldn't go , it sounds grim . Would your husband go alone and say that you and the children have gone to your dad's because he's not well ? It sounds as if there isn't any basic cleanliness and I'd be worried about the children . On the tv they took swabs of the dirt In some peoples houses and there were spores , which if you breathed them in can make a person really ill .