Eating meals at friends / family's homes

DomRavioli

Do we share the same MIL?

I currently have a 14 year old lodger (OH's little brother) because he cannot stand how dirty the house is. I feel bad for him, and he knows he can always stay up here, but every time I walk in that house, the smell almost knocks me over! I'll be visiting for an hour on Christmas Day, but am dreading it!

I sympathise with you OP, just tell her and your OH that you won't be going and neither will the children. If the MIL wants to come up to yours, thats fine but eww!

paddy's_mum

tinkerfairy wrote: »

she's bought food for us and he said [STRIKE]we are[/STRIKE] he is going

I've corrected this for you.

In your shoes, I wouldn't be going either especially if my husband insisted that a dirty old slattern should take precedence over a man who is in poor health and needs the support.

newcook

Im another who would be saying to OH he can go on his own or she can come to you! What if one of you ends up poorly again – that’s no fun way to spend a couple of days of your Christmas holiday!

pukkamum

Well perhaps if you make it clear to her exactly why you will not be going or at least not eating there she will realise a dirty house is not worth losing family over and allow you all to help clean if she will not do it.

paulineb_2

Does she have depression? Im certainly not saying that everyone with depression doesnt wash or brush their teeth, but something is really wrong if she lives like that and doesnt take care of herself either

Would I go? No. I have my messy moments but urgh, if I know if I have someone coming around, be it family, workmen, my flat is scrubbed spotless. Its your health thats the issue

I had a friend whos aunt smelled so badly, the house was like a tip but there was this putrid smell that hung in the air, god knows what it was and I have an awful sense of smell due to years of hay fever but even that didnt help much, I used to spend any time I spent there (the family used to go and see her on a Friday night and have a drink there), trying not to breath in, it was just the worst thing Ive ever smelled and I worked with young people in homeless units for a long time and some of their rooms didnt smell fresh

Id buy her a deep clean from groupon and then see if she can get someone in to clean once a week, people do live like that but as your kids get older its going to affect their relationship with her as no one wants to go to a bogging (smelly) house and risk getting poisoned.

No, dont go, just dont go until that house is cleaned up.

ameliarate

sorry but I agree with the others who say tell him NO. No way would I go and eat somewhere that dirty and certainly wouldn't allow kids to eat there. I think you are just going to have to be firm and if it causes a row it does.

Good luck.

j.e.j.

tinkerfairy wrote: »

This might sound odd but it causes a great deal of arguments in our home.

My mil's house is really dirty, I can't explain in words but it's like something you see on how clean in your house.

Would you eat here? I always refuse to eat there, I hate visiting it as it makes me feel sick. My partner isn't bothered and he insists I allow the children it eat there and doesn't see my problem.

Am I being silly like he claims or would you not eat somewhere so dirty?

He wouldn't eat in a dirty restaurant so don't know why he would feel happy eating here.

Nuff said :eek:

I can think of two house of horrors I used to dread visiting. One was my uncle, whose house has got really disgusting since his wife left. He doesn't even bother washing the cups/mugs. Whenever he asks if you want a cuppa we always have to say "oh, no thanks, I've just had one before I came out.." :rotfl:

Ex father-in-law's house was also rank. I used to actually take my own bottle of water round there with me rather than have to drink out of a cup which still had bits of unidentified food/gunk clinging to it from god-knows-when _pale_ AND my own small towel, as the one in his bathroom was literally stiff with dirt.

His fridge even had a cobweb in the top of it. No sign of the spider, though, - presumably the poor creature had seen sense and upped and left.

Anyway, in short, OP, no, if the place isn't clean I'm not going round there.

Kayalana99

I have to admit I am not the tidiest person, but growing up in the house I did... I always tidy up before we have guests over at least

I baby sat for my Mum a few months back...and her house is messy...put it this way...I spent 2hours in my little sisters bedroom cleaning the mould above her bed and just clearing her bed out because I just couldn't stand her sleeping in it.

Lets not go into the rest of the house.

Toto

tinkerfairy wrote: »

No he grew up with her. He says himself how dirty it is and how can she not be embarrassed having visitors, work men etc around.

The dirty floors I can cope with if she didn't pick utensils, food, dish cloths up off the floor and use them without washing them. She never ever does any housework and doesn't wash up just swills things off but baking trays etc are just left in the oven for the next time.

Her personal hygiene is just as bad she doesn't shower often and smells, has dirty nails and doesn't brush her teeth (we bought her an electric toothbrush last Xmas and it's still sealed).

I don't need to read any more, no I wouldn't eat or drink there and nor would my children. Actually I'd probably not visit more often that absolutely necessary I'd invite her to visit me. I am a little bit of a clean freak I admit it and I know that's not necessarily a good thing, but there is nothing on earth that would allow me to eat in a house like this.

GwylimT

My aunts house sounds similar, when you go around you are literally walking all over her belongings, the skirting boards in the kitchen are covered in dried cat poo from when she used to have a litter tray (now it enjoys going behind the sofa).

I only go round in an emergency if she needs something, a few years ago now we got together as a family, cleared out all her junk, cleaned the house and started going round once a week to help her clean. But it got to the point where not a single thing was ever cleaned unless we did it, if we had used a mug on our cleaning Sunday it would be sat there waiting for us a week later, often moldy.

I wouldn't go to their house, I certainly would eat or drink there, there is also no way I would take a child to a dirty house, children often don't have the sense to keep their hands away from mouth, it wouldn't be unlikely for them to touch something and then rub their eyes or put their fingers in their mouth.