OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

thorsoak

andygb wrote: »

Just as per the title.
I phoned a cousin, and said I would clear it with the OH, and then invite them over for Boxing Day. The OH went absolutely mental (even though I had not finalised things), and said that she just wants to have a quiet time.
I want to see friends and relations at Christmas, because I don't work (well, have just got a job - one week), and this is my only chance of socialising, because for the past two years, I have felt like a prisoner in my own house.
The OH does not have any real friends (she doesn't like to socialise with people from work - and is not on speaking terms with her relations), so is she just jealous, because I am at my wits end, and I do not wish to be miserable for the next couple of weeks.

Did you not make it clear that you were prepared to clean the house, do the shopping and the cooking in order to let your OH have a relaxing time home from work? You didn't? Oh what a pity!

Person_one

To be fair DR, some people are very close to their cousins, there are no rules about how much to care about people based on their genetic connection.

The fact that it's a cousin isn't relevant, it would be just as inconsiderate whoever he'd invited.

I think a few posters would be interested to read some of the OP's previous threads, one where he lectured his wife about her bad driving springs to mind...

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

The spirit of Christmas? Change the words, change your mind set, not three kids inflicted one me but the chance to enjoy some of Christmas with three children?

No thanks. You can do that if you wish, but I don't want to.

I enjoyed seeing all the little ones and their excited faces at the church party, but then I could go home and be child free. Just how I like it.

Dunroamin

mumps wrote: »

The spirit of Christmas? Change the words, change your mind set, not three kids inflicted one me but the chance to enjoy some of Christmas with three children?

Nah, "inflicted" was the right word.

OrkneyStar

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My husband is finding it tough already. He suffers from depression and anxiety and all the 'peripherals' of Christmas, especially visiting people (even those he likes) are really taking their toll. He just wants to be left alone.

Maybe the OP's wife feels like this?

Also, to some people, their home is their sanctuary and they don't want it 'invaded' (as it feels to them) by other people and disturbing its peace.

Maybe she would agree to meet your family in a restaurant or somewhere similar? They don't have to come to your house.

Me, lol.
I occasionally have folk by but would much rather meet outside of the house, or at their house if they fancy it.
I am an introvert, people exhaust me on the whole, though I do have a few good friends who I can be 'me' with, and them too, and I do enjoy their company. I am trying to make more effort to socialise (coffee meet-ups and so on) but also realise I like spending time alone, or with DH and DS.
I care about folk, I just don't need them in my pocket, that said I do try to be friendly and not too standoffish!
I think there is wrong on both sides here too, certainly OP should have ran the idea past his wife before speaking to his cousin, equally she should perhaps make a little bit more effort than she does. Surely relationships are give and take- it seems here they both want their own way, no thinking of a solution (eg the OP meet his cousins elsewhere and just say OH is tired or something?).

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No thanks. You can do that if you wish, but I don't want to.

I enjoyed seeing all the little ones and their excited faces at the church party, but then I could go home and be child free. Just how I like it.

Me to lol, stayed for the family film after church yesterday but then happy to go home with me, DH and DS- one child is plenty child for us lol!
Happy Christmas everyone!

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

To be fair DR, some people are very close to their cousins, there are no rules about how much to care about people based on their genetic connection.

The fact that it's a cousin isn't relevant, it would be just as inconsiderate whoever he'd invited.

I think a few posters would be interested to read some of the OP's previous threads, one where he lectured his wife about her bad driving springs to mind...

It seems worse to me but I agree that it's the invitation itself that's out of order.

mumps

Well families do tend to include children so if you want the family relationships you can either have children "inflicted" on you or you can enjoy them, it really isn't that hard with most kids. They are just people and most of them are quite likeable if you give them a chance.

Pollycat

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I would not want three kids inflicted on me on Boxing Day.

mumps wrote: »

The spirit of Christmas? Change the words, change your mind set, not three kids inflicted one me but the chance to enjoy some of Christmas with three children?

I don't think 7DW needs to change her mind set at all.

I can't think of anything worse than having 3 kids over to our house on Boxing Day - and my OH totally agrees.

In fact, I'd probably not want them at any time of the year so I don't think the spirit of Christmas comes into it.

I can enjoy Christmas perfectly well by myself, thank you very much, I don't need a cousin-in-law's children to do it.

mumps

One year I discovered at lunch time on 31st December that my husband had invited about 30 people round for New Year. I had to leave work early to buy more food. He hadn't even suggested they bring anything and they didn't, not a single sausage roll or bottle of wine. Now I was cross and I think I was entitled but five people on Boxing Day with a few days notice, it really isn't the crime of the century.

mummyroysof3

We have 3 of our own and I would go mad if hubby invited family with more kids round without discussing it with me.