OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

This sounds more like abusive behaviour than a normal Christmas disagreement to me.

Seriously 'I earn the money so I decide who comes in the house'? Tgat really isn't the same as 'I'm really tired and was looking forward to a couple of days off'.

As far as I'm concerned, as in a marriage, the marital home belongs to both husband and wife, both have the right to invite whomever they please into their home - and consideration only works if it's reciprocated.

FBaby

Clearly a case of not understanding and respecting each other. You have been bored and crave socialising, she is working hard supporting the family and she is probably knackered and desperate for the holidays to have a rest.

I tend to be in the latter category. My life is constantly buzzing, especially just before the Christmas holiday and I just want to take it easy at home. I find it exhausting to have people over and if that involved three young children, I would also have tears coming to my eyes.

However, my husband and I would discuss it before anything was agreed and set the rules that we are both ok with. You seem to have bypassed this. You mentioned it, but then ended up making the arrangements with your cousin without finalising them with your OH and that's why she has reactived as she has.

seven-day-weekend

melanzana wrote: »

and so this is Christmas. Awful time for many.

I sympathise, and empathise.

But I try to do things as I would all year round. Not easy, I know, but the Christmas lark is tough for lots of folk..

My husband is finding it tough already. He suffers from depression and anxiety and all the 'peripherals' of Christmas, especially visiting people (even those he likes) are really taking their toll. He just wants to be left alone.

Maybe the OP's wife feels like this?

Also, to some people, their home is their sanctuary and they don't want it 'invaded' (as it feels to them) by other people and disturbing its peace.

Maybe she would agree to meet your family in a restaurant or somewhere similar? They don't have to come to your house.

dancingfairy

She has driven your friends away by calling them stupid, decided your hobbies are a waste of time and seem to have fallen out with everybody and seems to think she can say who can and can't come over to your house as she pays the bills
This sounds horrendous from what you have written.
It might be worth getting some counselling on your own. If only so you can see that this is not normal behaviour in any sense, to get a view from an outside and to try and see a way forward.
best of luck
df

spirit

andygb wrote: »

We have just had a blazing row about it, where she has basically said, that because she has been earning for the past couple of years, she gets to say who comes into the house.
.

This resentment is the key I think. Sounds like she feels like she's been keeping you while you were out of work? Is this why you feel you have been a prisoner in your own home?

A sit down and calm discussion of both your feelings is needed in order to move things forward.

Good luck and I wish you both a Happy and peaceful Christmas.

bagpussbear

I can see both points of view here. The OP isn't working, and wants company and a bit of excitement by seeing people. On the other hand the OP's partner is suddenly asked about the cousin (with hubby and kids) coming on Boxing day with only a few days notice, and the fact she is working was probably looking forward to a few days peace, quiet and relaxing, especially if she is back to work on the 27th (is she?)

By mentioning it to the cousin first, without prior discussion with your partner (even if you didn't promise the cousin anything) puts her in a position of being the 'bad guy' to the cousin if she said no. I don't think you should have said anything to the cousin first to be honest.

Like most things, there needs to be compromise. You do have a right to see family and friends of course, and she is wrong to say as she is the only earner is the one to say who comes and who doesn't (that's not fair to you) but how about meeting others elsewhere so your partner can come along if she feels or stay at home. Or have them round but for only 2-3 hours or something.

If I only had 2 days off work, and one of them was with another 2 adults and 3 kids landed on me at short notice, I would be pretty cheesed off too.

I hope you manage to come to a compromise, and have a good Christmas, sounds like there are more issues in your relationship that need sorting.

all the best.

seven-day-weekend

I would not want three kids inflicted on me on Boxing Day.

Laurajo_2

It sounds like she is resentful of working to support you, and now she has a break, she wants to put her feet up and is maybe thinking 'why should I put myself out in my holiday when he's been off work all this time?' I don't think it's a case of one of you being in the right and one of you being wrong.
Also, christmas can be a knackering day - up early, all the cooking, washing up etc...I wouldn't be overly chuffed at the prospect of my DHs family turning up on Boxing Day as traditionally, it's a quiet chilling out kind of day after the stress of christmas for me. That said, I know a lot of people have families over or 'open house' on Boxing Day, but tbh, the thought of that, on top of Christmas Day, fills me with dread.
The part about trying to cut you off from your friends and hobbies sounds worrying though, and I suspect if it was a lady saying that about a fella, people would be telling you to get rid. Certainly, I think she needs to take a good long look at her behaviour.

In the short term, I'd tell her ok, not Boxing Day, but you want your family round at some point over the christmas break.

paulineb_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

But the OP seems to have difficult relationships with most of his nearest and dearest.

I'd have a difficult relationship as well if my husband invited 2 adults and 3 children (not very close relatives either) round for Boxing Day with less than a week's notice. I certainly hope his wife gets more than the 2 days off work or otherwise it woud be a pretty unforgiveable thing to do.

Tbh, I dont think the issues with his parent and sibling that he mentioned recently have much to do with this. Just my own opinion.

I cant find the link to the previous thread he posted but from all accounts, his wife was treating him in a pretty shocking manner then and you know, I think theres only so much papering over the cracks people can do and getting on with it before things come to a head.

This just happens to be about Boxing Day, it could be Easter, or any other holiday or any other day of the week

Its the underlying issues that need addressed as a few people have said.

Dunroamin

What puzzles me is the fact that the OP feels he's been going stir crazy being stuck in the house for a long time and then he invites people in rather than going out to see them. Just seems daft to me.