OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

andygb

Billie-S wrote: »

My thoughts exactly. Accusing her of being jealous because he has family he gets on with and she hasn't

And saying she has 'no real friends.'

The post was a bit spiteful.

I have been concerned about this for many years, and it is not spiteful, it is because I love my OH, and I wish that she did have friends.

jackomdj

Person_one wrote: »

Yep.

You did this entirely the wrong way round, you should have spoken to your wife about the fact that you wanted to invite family round on Boxing Day. Then contacted your cousin if she was in agreement.

This incident aside, the way you talk about your partner doesn't sound terribly caring or respectful.

I disagree, OH and I quite often make arrangements, then run it past the other one. However we both enjoy socialising and use our calendar to refer to, occasionally we will put keep free on it if we have been busy and want a rest.

In OP's circumstances I do think you need to find out why your OH does not like socialising. My Mum does not enjoy having visitors and it can be quite hard on my Dad.

Vicky123

Did you think it might have been better as a done deal rather than an anticipated outright no?
Looks like xmas might be highlighting an existing problem that needs to be sorted out properly, tactics rarely work.

arbroath_lass

The OH? Is that really the way you think of her? Not your OH?


I assume when you thought of inviting your cousins you were intending cleaning the house and doing all the cooking? Does your wife only have the two days off?


I don't understand why you think Boxing Day is your only chance of socialising. Why have you felt a prisoner in your own home? You do say some odd things.

andygb

Dunroamin wrote: »

I would be furious as well if my husband invited someone round on Boxing Day without asking me - what were you think of?

I CLEARLY said that I had told my cousin, that I would clear it with my wife first.

Person_one

andygb wrote: »

I CLEARLY said that I had told my cousin, that I would clear it with my wife first.

Don't you realise the position that puts her in? Very inconsiderate.

elsien

I think you're being a bit harsh on the OP - is it so bad to want to see family at Christmas? I think he maybe went around it the wrong way, and Boxing day isn't the best day to choose if OH wants quiet time but he shouldn't be needing to ask permission to meet up with his family.
Can you arrange to meet them on a different day, one that's a bit less sensitive? Or alternatively meet up in a pub or somewhere for a drink and a catchup, (I'm presuming you and OH haven't already got plans to do anything specific).

andygb

arbroath_lass wrote: »

The OH? Is that really the way you think of her? Not your OH?


I assume when you thought of inviting your cousins you were intending cleaning the house and doing all the cooking? Does your wife only have the two days off?


I don't understand why you think Boxing Day is your only chance of socialising. Why have you felt a prisoner in your own home? You do say some odd things.

My OH is off from now until the New Year, and I will be cleaning the house and making the meal.
My OH does not wish to socialise with my relations/friends at any time.

balletshoes

andygb wrote: »

I would be cooking the meal.
The "jealousy", is probably because her side of the family have turned out to be not very nice people, have tried to split us up, and have even threatened me.
She does not have any people outside of work who she can call a friend.
She has tried to ban my friends from visiting, calling them "stupid", to the extent that they have drifted away. I have given up all my old hobbies etc., because she says that they are a "waste of time".
She does like socialising, when it is on her terms - going to weddings, showing off, and she liked inviting her relations over, before they turned nasty.
The visitors would be the cousin, husband and three children (one of my Godchildren).
We have just had a blazing row about it, where she has basically said, that because she has been earning for the past couple of years, she gets to say who comes into the house.
I feel like just giving up and ending it all to be honest, because this has been happening regularly over the past ten years, and I cannot put up with any more .
She refuses to see a counsellor over this behaviour, even though
I think this is a form of mental abuse.

I think you may be right.

Person_one

I think you do need to ask the permission of everybody who lives in your home before you invite guests into it.

OP, if you want to end it end it. Your posts about your relationship make it clear you don't care much for her anymore. I know it can seem daunting to cope on your own with no job, but that's a terrible reason for staying together.