OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

liney

So they share a home, and he has to be 'allowed' to invite his family over?

Lets be fair, 'checking' with OH in this instance actually means 'obtaining permission.' She has notice, and she isn't actually being asked to do any of the hosting.

It seems like someone is spoiling for a fight.

paulineb_2

I think going on whats been said in previous threads, your wife is quite a controlling person and if shes been like that for a number of years, you are going to have a job on your hands getting anything very much to change.

Pollycat

liney wrote: »

So they share a home, and he has to be 'allowed' to invite his family over?

Lets be fair, 'checking' with OH in this instance actually means 'obtaining permission.' She has notice, and she isn't actually being asked to do any of the hosting.

It seems like someone is spoiling for a fight.

Personally, I'd be quite cross if my OH spoke to his cousins (or anyone) about a visit before mentioning it to me.

That's not expecting him to 'obtain permission', it's being considerate.

But I'm damn sure that my OH would never do that anyway.
Maybe the OP felt it was the only way to get his own way and have the company he craves on Boxing Day, despite his wife's wishes.

This is much more than just a poorly (imho) timed invitation.
It's clear that, sadly ('cos I've read some of the OP's posts on other threads and 'like' him) this relationship has severe problems that need addressing.

Soleil_lune

I'm on the OP's wife's side. She's been working hard all year, and is probably looking forward to a few days off, and he asked his family around, before mentioning it to her, and is somehow blaming her for this now-awkward situation.

She can't win now, can she?

liney

Soleil_lune wrote: »

I'm on the OP's wife's side. She's been working hard all year, and is probably looking forward to a few days off, and he asked his family around, before mentioning it to her, and is somehow blaming her for this now-awkward situation.

She can't win now, can she?

From what I can gather from the post, it would be the same if it was next Sunday, next month, or the 12th of Never.

Regardless of her working, just like many of us do all year, Christmas is a time when most people engage with friends and family. I certainly wouldn't want my DH to think he needed permission to invite people to his own home, expecially given there is a few days notice.

Pollycat

liney wrote: »

From what I can gather from the post, it would be the same if it was next Sunday, next month, or the 12th of Never.

I tend to agree with this. And that's probably why the OP didn't ask before mentioning it to the cousin.

liney wrote: »

Regardless of her working, just like many of us do all year, Christmas is a time when most people engage with friends and family. I certainly wouldn't want my DH to think he needed permission to invite people to his own home, expecially given there is a few days notice.

I'd want my OH to be considerate and not invite anyone to his (or more accurately our) home without discussing it with me first.

That's not necessarily the same as 'needing permission'.

Soleil_lune

liney wrote: »

From what I can gather from the post, it would be the same if it was next Sunday, next month, or the 12th of Never.

Regardless of her working, just like many of us do all year, Christmas is a time when most people engage with friends and family. I certainly wouldn't want my DH to think he needed permission to invite people to his own home, expecially given there is a few days notice.

Nobody 'needs permission' to invite friends/family into the shared home; but it is massively inconsiderate to just invite folk over without consulting your partner first. Neither me OR DH would do that to each other. It's extremely rude and inconsiderate. No wonder the woman is irked by it.

Strikes me the OP knew she would be irked, and that's why he asked the cousin first, so that it would be more difficult for her to say no. He has been with her 23 years supposedly, so should know what she is like. ie: she does not like people round the house on her days off.

If he was so desperate to 'socialise' with his cousin, then why did he not arrange to meet him and his family for a pub lunch? He has forced her hand and cornered her, and this is probably made her more angry than the fact they are actually coming. As I (and many others) said, she can't win now. She will either have to suck it up and tolerate them, or say no and look like the bad guy.

Dunroamin

liney wrote: »

From what I can gather from the post, it would be the same if it was next Sunday, next month, or the 12th of Never.

Regardless of her working, just like many of us do all year, Christmas is a time when most people engage with friends and family. I certainly wouldn't want my DH to think he needed permission to invite people to his own home, expecially given there is a few days notice.

"Engaging with family" surely includes spending precious free time with your spouse?

Wider family arrangements would usually be made some time in advance and would involve close family like parents, children and siblings, not distant relatives like a cousin (plus three children!:eek:) at less than a week's notice.

I think there's an enormous difference between inviting someone round for a coffee and a drink and inviting 5 extra people for a meal on Boxing Day.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My husband is finding it tough already. He suffers from depression and anxiety and all the 'peripherals' of Christmas, especially visiting people (even those he likes) are really taking their toll. He just wants to be left alone.

Maybe the OP's wife feels like this?

Also, to some people, their home is their sanctuary and they don't want it 'invaded' (as it feels to them) by other people and disturbing its peace.

Maybe she would agree to meet your family in a restaurant or somewhere similar? They don't have to come to your house.

But its his home as well, we do need to give and take and she sounds like she wants it all her own way.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I would not want three kids inflicted on me on Boxing Day.

The spirit of Christmas? Change the words, change your mind set, not three kids inflicted one me but the chance to enjoy some of Christmas with three children?