OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

kelpie35

andygb wrote: »

I think that this is a distinct possibility, and it makes me very sad, because she does not seem to take pleasure from anything (and has said to me many times that she has never been happy in her life).
I have only been in my latest job for a week, and this episode has left me drained - of joy, of hope.

After reading your last couple of posts I think you need to seriously decide if you wish this relationship to continue.

You are going to make yourself ill, constantly having to please your OH all the time. It sounds as if you are walking on egg shells most of the time, and that will not help you now you have managed to find a job.

andygb

Person_one wrote: »

What happened to the friends she had back in May?

Not friends as such - work colleagues (hers), and she was not keen on inviting them, but only did so, because I pointed out that we should really return their kindness for inviting us over the past five years.
I also pointed out that I enjoyed their company, and with everyone relaxed it could be a good day - which it was.

melanzana

and so this is Christmas. Awful time for many.

I sympathise, and empathise.

But I try to do things as I would all year round. Not easy, I know, but the Christmas lark is tough for lots of folk..

elsien

Billie-S wrote: »

No chance of the OP saying this. From the way he's posting so far, he seems to think his partner is in the wrong and he is the one who is the victim. [ QUOTE]



I'd be feeling aggrieved as well if my partner wasn't letting my relatives in the house. I agree the choice of date wasn't great, but I can see why he's miffed.

andygb

kelpie35 wrote: »

After reading your last couple of posts I think you need to seriously decide if you wish this relationship to continue.

You are going to make yourself ill, constantly having to please your OH all the time. It sounds as if you are walking on egg shells most of the time, and that will not help you now you have managed to find a job.

I am not simply giving up on 23 years just like that.
I would really like to get some counselling, find out why she does not want to mix with people (except her family).
I wish she had a hobby, that she could find some pleasure in life, because she always seems to be so negative about things.:(

Tiddlywinks

andygb wrote: »

I am not simply giving up on 23 years just like that.
I would really like to get some counselling, find out why she does not want to mix with people (except her family).
I wish she had a hobby, that she could find some pleasure in life, because she always seems to be so negative about things.:(

23 years is a long time to get to know someone... surely you must have known that she wouldn't be comfortable with an arrangement being sprung on her.

You need to find out what her objection really is.

Is it the short notice? The wish to spend a couple of days just chilling out? Or what?

Is it the visit itself or just the timing of the visit?

You're never really going to know unless you have a good old chat about it.

shegirl

Ok,yes you should be allowed people over but it's her home too so you need to find compromises and alternatives.You have put her in a position where she knows saying no will look really bad but saying yes will make her unhappy and uncomfortable.

Given her general feelings you need to be doubley aware of talking to her first.

I remember years back an ex (only lived with me for for two weeks-never again lol) came out with 'invited so and so over for dinner tomorrow'.So,he'd invited them over,expected me to cook up a storm for them and 'get the house perfect'....the night before my final exam:mad: I hit the roof.As did he to my refusal,apparently I was being unreasonable not wanting to do all of that the night before,after work and while looking after ds.Finally enough,when he told them he didn't bother explaining why I said no and they just ended up hating me!

Does she know she would be expected to do nothing?Although,she will probably also feels like she would have to.

Talk to her and sort it out.You know how she feels so be considerate but that doesn't mean you cannot see friends and family at a

Georgiegirl256

elsien wrote: »

I think you're being a bit harsh on the OP - is it so bad to want to see family at Christmas? I think he maybe went around it the wrong way, and Boxing day isn't the best day to choose if OH wants quiet time but he shouldn't be needing to ask permission to meet up with his family.
Can you arrange to meet them on a different day, one that's a bit less sensitive? Or alternatively meet up in a pub or somewhere for a drink and a catchup, (I'm presuming you and OH haven't already got plans to do anything specific).

I agree, I feel sorry for the OP. He might have gone about it the wrong way, but it seems like he is trying to please everyone but his wife is giving nothing back.

Does she like your cousin and family OP?

paulineb_2

If people read the OPs other threads they might get an idea of how difficult the relationship has been at times.

Dunroamin

paulineb wrote: »

If people read the OPs other threads they might get an idea of how difficult the relationship has been at times.

But the OP seems to have difficult relationships with most of his nearest and dearest.

I'd have a difficult relationship as well if my husband invited 2 adults and 3 children (not very close relatives either) round for Boxing Day with less than a week's notice. I certainly hope his wife gets more than the 2 days off work or otherwise it woud be a pretty unforgiveable thing to do.