OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

andygb

Just as per the title.
I phoned a cousin, and said I would clear it with the OH, and then invite them over for Boxing Day. The OH went absolutely mental (even though I had not finalised things), and said that she just wants to have a quiet time.
I want to see friends and relations at Christmas, because I don't work (well, have just got a job - one week), and this is my only chance of socialising, because for the past two years, I have felt like a prisoner in my own house.
The OH does not have any real friends (she doesn't like to socialise with people from work - and is not on speaking terms with her relations), so is she just jealous, because I am at my wits end, and I do not wish to be miserable for the next couple of weeks.

balletshoes

does she get on with your cousin?
why do you think she's jealous? what of exactly?
on the face of it, it doesn't sound unreasonable for you to have your cousin over for a couple of hours on Boxing Day - I take it you're sorting out the nibbles etc?

Brighton_belle

I would suggest her reaction indicates she is an introvert. Therefore having people round/ socialising is abit of a nightmare for her. If you are more of an extrovert, then it can difficult to meet both your needs. Is this how things have always been?

Billie-S

Sounds like the two of you need a heart to heart. Must admit, it's very annoying being force-fed socialising when you can't be bothered. I used to tolerate many a friend of my husband's many years ago, when I had no interest in meeting or talking to them. He went through these phases of having a new BFF every few months, and I didn't like many of them. And he would think nothing of leaving me in the corner with his friend's wife who I didn't even know. The younger me tolerated this, but now I would refuse to go and tell him to go on his own.

All I can suggest is that she goes out for the two hours or whatever that your cousin is there if she doesn't want to bother with them - or just tolerate it, but make sure it's only an hour or so.

If you said something to your cousin before asking your partner, then I am not surprised she is peed off. You really should have consulted her first.

As someone said above: why do you say she is she jealous of you? What's to be jealous of?

flashnazia

Has she always been like this? Could she be suffering from depressive type illness?

Dunroamin

I would be furious as well if my husband invited someone round on Boxing Day without asking me - what were you thinking of?

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

I would be furious as well if my husband invited someone round on Boxing Day without asking me - what were you think of?

Yep.

You did this entirely the wrong way round, you should have spoken to your wife about the fact that you wanted to invite family round on Boxing Day. Then contacted your cousin if she was in agreement.

This incident aside, the way you talk about your partner doesn't sound terribly caring or respectful.

brunettifan

Why would you do it the way round you have? If you had it in mind, surely you should have "cleared" it with your wife first before mentioning it to the cousin? Now, she is either obliged to do it, or look churlish to your cousin.

I would be annoyed too at being put in that position.

Billie-S

Person_one wrote: »

Yep.

You did this entirely the wrong way round, you should have spoken to your wife about the fact that you wanted yo invite family round on Boxing Day. Then contacted your cousin if she was in agreement.

This incident aside, the way you talk about your partner doesn't sound terribly caring or respectful.

My thoughts exactly. Accusing her of being jealous because he has family he gets on with and she hasn't

And saying she has 'no real friends.'

The post was a bit spiteful.

andygb

balletshoes wrote: »

does she get on with your cousin?
why do you think she's jealous? what of exactly?
on the face of it, it doesn't sound unreasonable for you to have your cousin over for a couple of hours on Boxing Day - I take it you're sorting out the nibbles etc?

I would be cooking the meal.
The "jealousy", is probably because her side of the family have turned out to be not very nice people, have tried to split us up, and have even threatened me.
She does not have any people outside of work who she can call a friend.
She has tried to ban my friends from visiting, calling them "stupid", to the extent that they have drifted away. I have given up all my old hobbies etc., because she says that they are a "waste of time".
She does like socialising, when it is on her terms - going to weddings, showing off, and she liked inviting her relations over, before they turned nasty.
The visitors would be the cousin, husband and three children (one of my Godchildren).
We have just had a blazing row about it, where she has basically said, that because she has been earning for the past couple of years, she gets to say who comes into the house.
I feel like just giving up and ending it all to be honest, because this has been happening regularly over the past ten years, and I cannot put up with any more .
She refuses to see a counsellor over this behaviour, even though I think this is a form of mental abuse.

tiger_eyes

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I would suggest her reaction indicates she is an introvert. Therefore having people round/ socialising is abit of a nightmare for her. If you are more of an extrovert, then it can difficult to meet both your needs. Is this how things have always been?

Yes, this tripped my introvert alarm as well - particularly that she "just wants a quiet time" (I feel her pain). If she's in full-time work, she may find it exhausting having to deal with coworkers all day every day, making Christmas the one time of the year when she can get some peace... until the OP starts inviting his relatives around.