So confused......

*max*

Arose wrote: »

I'm all for supporting people in difficult situations, but why would anyone with any common sense or sense of self need to come here and ask if his behaviour is okay or not?

Wow...how hypocritical. So in the same vein, there was no need for you to post a thread about not being able to find a guy, was there?

Easy! Go out, get blocked, get laid, don't use a condom, get pregnant cos that'll snare him, live happily ever after. Common sense woman, common sense!

*max*

Arose wrote: »

They wouldn't stick around anyway, so might as well. Save the kids the confusion and heartache later on

!!!!!!. :wall:

paulineb_2

Arose wrote: »

I'm all for supporting people in difficult situations, but why would anyone with any common sense or sense of self need to come here and ask if his behaviour is okay or not?

Many people who have suffered abusive relationships have posted on here.

When something is your reality it can take time to see that a lot of other peoples relationships dont function like that.

HPoirot

Arose wrote: »

They wouldn't stick around anyway, so might as well. Save the kids the confusion and heartache later on

Pathetic troll.

venetianlagoon

Re read your post and then ask yourself if a friend or relative had written it what advice would you give to them. There is only one answer here.....

paulineb_2

Arose wrote: »

I'm all for supporting people in difficult situations, but why would anyone with any common sense or sense of self need to come here and ask if his behaviour is okay or not?

You know, people including me took time to comment on your situation. And you then deleted your thread.

I really cannot be bothered with people who are holier than thou over people suffering abuse. I thought Id be the last person ever to get into an abusive relationship given that a family member spent two years (and there were reasons why she couldnt get him to leave, there was less support for women then) in a mentally abusive and violent relationship. But I did.

And I dont blame myself. You know, as you'll know yourself, its very very hard to share stuff about yourself sometimes on forums like this. I am intelligent, articulate, I can look after myself, but as I said in a previous post sometimes what keeps you with someone who is abusive, is the face they put on to the outside world and everyone thinks they are lovely, while they are abusing you.

It takes courage to actually say, things arent right and I need help and no one should be belittled in any way shape or form for starting a thread asking if what is happening to them is normal.

There will probably be thousands of people reading who can identify with what the OP has posted and what I said before and I stand by, its much much easier to give a perspective when its not you in the middle of a mess like this.

paulineb_2

Arose wrote: »

HPoirot, stop creating drama

Stop trolling, I can see a few people putting you on block, because you clearly have no respect for the subject matter of this thread.

krlyr

Arose wrote: »

I do. I think the ones that leave abusive relationships are more courageous than the ones that stay and just accept it and allow themselves to become victims.

Often, they're both one and the same person. To leave an abusive relationship you have to have 'accepted' it for some period of time (whether you leave on the first 'hit' or months/years later) first. It can take time to realise you're in an abusive relationship, especially if it's not physical, and it can take a while to get the courage to leave it.

Jobseeeker

He is just using you for money and I'm sorry to say it but 2. makes me think he may have another girlfriend

building_with_lego

andydiysaver wrote: »

I normally post on cars and man stuff but I read this and I really had to post because it's just the complete stereotype playing out, as it has done so many times.


get rid as if your life depends on it.


He was not like this at first and now he's like this, presumably he didn't hit you at first or now, and you think he never will - but follow the logic, the put downs are there you never thought would be, the control is building, which you never saw at first.


Maybe it'll be words for the rest of your life or maybe violence will follow, in any event you will fast be arriving at the point of no return where you think it's your fault for his abuse, I think a lot of them look for that point and have a keen eye for it, - to throw the first punch before then often means she wakes up and leaves him.


I'm a man by the way as my name suggests, I'd never treat my girlfriend like that, our finances are down the middle and we're successful. I have seen what you're describing happen to plenty of women though, and there's really, really, great news here:


the profile of a bully / control freak is not many it is one


they all act in exactly the same way. So they're universally easy to spot, unless of course you're the victim. So people on here can read that and see instantly what you're not sure about. base your decision on "crowd sourcing" don't just take my word for it - take almost every replier here's word for it. I, we, them, see better than you because we're not under control. It's an easier thing for us to call than you because we're not constantly undermined and our opinions are not constantly rubbished.


They act the same way , their psychology is the same. So you can read about it on the internet and know your future before time.


The decision to leave him will be the greatest thing you ever did.


more than that, you will look back in as little as 1 or 2 months and not be able to believe the things you let him say and do to you


Trust me, trust us, we're not with him, we see straighter.

Andy, I just had to quote your post to give people another chance to read it. If I could thank this more than once I would; it is full of sense and wisdom.