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So confused......
Naya
Posts: 76 Forumite
Good afternoon everyone....
I need some advice and hope someone could help me...I will cut a long story short as much as possible....
Here it goes:
I have been going out with someone for 15 months after promising myself that I will not go thru this again but thought of giving relationship another go...but this one is so confusing...
My boyfriend who I will refer to as X has some strange behaviour should I say....It was going fine in the beginning and I did my best to adjust to the strange behaviours as such
1. Do not talk to X in the morning as he needs to think
2. Do not hold his hand or walk next to him when we are out together, I should follow...
3. Do not point at anything when talking to him or hold anything to show him - it's apparently childish behaviour
4. Do not call him darling as it's so cheap and low life
5. He apparently is re-educating me because I'm stupid and because I do not hold any Masters in anything, I should learn to communicate and behave in front of his family, who I will meet one day apparently... ( I take no notice of that one...)
But lately, he has become I should say so selfish that I am questioning the whole relationship:
We were living near each other for almost 6 months then he had to move because of work...X is contracted and it went sour with his last employer for some reason and X blames me for that....He was off work for a month and I did my best to help and support him as he was becoming a recluse.....he then told me that his ex-employer is withholding his salary and will not pay him as he owes them some days he took as annual leave and I lent him some money to bridge over until his next job started. He then explained that his new employer cannot put him on their books as his ex-employer is not releasing him from his contract until these due days are covered. I believed him again and continue supporting .... He is now 8 months in his new job and he claims he still has not been paid by either new or ex-employer.
He borrowed my car a few times.....sometimes for a whole week and I need my car for work but thought I need to help him to get this issue sorted asap. X then asked me to get a second car as he will pay for it since his family has given him some money. I started to look for a small car and when it was time to buy the car he told me don't worry I don't need your car anymore, so no need for a second car. But he borrowed my car again last week.
I also have to do his shopping as he works long shift and do not have time....a few weeks back I went to drop his shopping 1hr30 mins drive....he got upset with me because I said I did not want to go out to eat anything, which I pay for everytime and he said he does not want the shopping either. I got so annoyed as I have spent money that I am short of to be wasted... so I set off for home and he calls me, asking me to bring the food back and paid me the £30 I asked for, that was the first time I asked him to pay as I was getting fed up of feeding him. Oh , I cannot go in his flat as his contract does not allow visitors apparently...
Also, when X needs the car I need to drop it at his and take the train home, he even cannot pick the car from me....to return the car he comes to my house, I then need to go back and drop him home...journey of 90 mins, which I believed 2 are a waste of time. Before I had to pay for fuel too but now I refuse to.
Last week....I drop the car to him and was telling him about a loan I applied for to consolidate some CC debts, which I will not take as it's working more expensive....he had the cheek to tell me to take the loan for him as it would be of great help to him...I told him no as I do not want it, it's too expensive and will be secured on my house for 15 years. He said that if I trust him, I will do it....he said he will give me a cheque to cash when he gets paid.....whatever was my thought...
I needed to go to hospital early December and I needed him to pick me up as I would not be able to drive afterwards. It was all arranged....then when it was time to pick me he called and said he has just had an accident and broke 2 ribs. I told him I'll come to the hospital right away and he refused...he then did not call for a whole week, which is normal...afterwards he accused me of not caring for him...
If someone broke 2 ribs early December, would they have been healed as he is driving again....
Anyway, I have started to think that he is using me and has done so for the last 15 months...he does not want to take the relationship further or commit to anything, money he borrows, does not get returned so I have written off anything I have gave him so far...lesson re-learnt about trusting/believing people.
I cannot get my head round someone not getting paid for almost a year....how can that be possible...
Sorry for the long post....
Any thoughts welcomed....
I need some advice and hope someone could help me...I will cut a long story short as much as possible....
Here it goes:
I have been going out with someone for 15 months after promising myself that I will not go thru this again but thought of giving relationship another go...but this one is so confusing...
My boyfriend who I will refer to as X has some strange behaviour should I say....It was going fine in the beginning and I did my best to adjust to the strange behaviours as such
1. Do not talk to X in the morning as he needs to think
2. Do not hold his hand or walk next to him when we are out together, I should follow...
3. Do not point at anything when talking to him or hold anything to show him - it's apparently childish behaviour
4. Do not call him darling as it's so cheap and low life
5. He apparently is re-educating me because I'm stupid and because I do not hold any Masters in anything, I should learn to communicate and behave in front of his family, who I will meet one day apparently... ( I take no notice of that one...)
But lately, he has become I should say so selfish that I am questioning the whole relationship:
We were living near each other for almost 6 months then he had to move because of work...X is contracted and it went sour with his last employer for some reason and X blames me for that....He was off work for a month and I did my best to help and support him as he was becoming a recluse.....he then told me that his ex-employer is withholding his salary and will not pay him as he owes them some days he took as annual leave and I lent him some money to bridge over until his next job started. He then explained that his new employer cannot put him on their books as his ex-employer is not releasing him from his contract until these due days are covered. I believed him again and continue supporting .... He is now 8 months in his new job and he claims he still has not been paid by either new or ex-employer.
He borrowed my car a few times.....sometimes for a whole week and I need my car for work but thought I need to help him to get this issue sorted asap. X then asked me to get a second car as he will pay for it since his family has given him some money. I started to look for a small car and when it was time to buy the car he told me don't worry I don't need your car anymore, so no need for a second car. But he borrowed my car again last week.
I also have to do his shopping as he works long shift and do not have time....a few weeks back I went to drop his shopping 1hr30 mins drive....he got upset with me because I said I did not want to go out to eat anything, which I pay for everytime and he said he does not want the shopping either. I got so annoyed as I have spent money that I am short of to be wasted... so I set off for home and he calls me, asking me to bring the food back and paid me the £30 I asked for, that was the first time I asked him to pay as I was getting fed up of feeding him. Oh , I cannot go in his flat as his contract does not allow visitors apparently...
Also, when X needs the car I need to drop it at his and take the train home, he even cannot pick the car from me....to return the car he comes to my house, I then need to go back and drop him home...journey of 90 mins, which I believed 2 are a waste of time. Before I had to pay for fuel too but now I refuse to.
Last week....I drop the car to him and was telling him about a loan I applied for to consolidate some CC debts, which I will not take as it's working more expensive....he had the cheek to tell me to take the loan for him as it would be of great help to him...I told him no as I do not want it, it's too expensive and will be secured on my house for 15 years. He said that if I trust him, I will do it....he said he will give me a cheque to cash when he gets paid.....whatever was my thought...
I needed to go to hospital early December and I needed him to pick me up as I would not be able to drive afterwards. It was all arranged....then when it was time to pick me he called and said he has just had an accident and broke 2 ribs. I told him I'll come to the hospital right away and he refused...he then did not call for a whole week, which is normal...afterwards he accused me of not caring for him...
If someone broke 2 ribs early December, would they have been healed as he is driving again....
Anyway, I have started to think that he is using me and has done so for the last 15 months...he does not want to take the relationship further or commit to anything, money he borrows, does not get returned so I have written off anything I have gave him so far...lesson re-learnt about trusting/believing people.
I cannot get my head round someone not getting paid for almost a year....how can that be possible...
Sorry for the long post....
Any thoughts welcomed....
0
Comments
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You are being taken for a mug. The first 5 points would have had me booting someone like that into touch.
Started to think he is using you? Yes he is. Get rid unless you want to be dragged down further. Sounds like a complete control freak as well.0 -
Ive got a thought.....
Your being taken for a fool!This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
Tell him to do one........#
How can you possibly be attracted to someone who treats you so badly and has absolutlely no respect for you.
He's a bully and a manipulator......
See the light for goodness sake, looks like you have wasted a lot of time on him...make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
Run for the hills..........Bern :j0
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He is treating you like a mug and, quite frankly, that is how you're acting. Sorry.0
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Are you his girlfriend or his slave?
The best Christmas present you will get this year is dumping him.0 -
I don't think it is possible.
I think he is lying, manipulative and you are being taken advantage of.
It sounds like this relationship is very one sided. I would also query the reason for not being allowed at his flat and not being 'allowed' to meet hs family. It all screams of him hiding something.
I'm not usually a 'get rid' sort of person, but you definately need to take a step back from this relationship. He has serious issues which need to be addressed.
Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but you seem to have been a little naive (that's not exactly the word I want, but I can't think of a better one) to let him get away with this appalling behaviour. I don't mean this as a criticism in the slightest, I just wonder if there are maybe confidence or self esteem issues behind your previous acceptance of this awful behaviour?0 -
Read points 1-5 ....that's all DUMP him now he is controlling you and as for re educating you ...I'm lost for words0
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You don't seem un-educated to me and probably don't want to be re-educated.
I would rather be on my own than with a control freak like this. You are worth far more than he is prepared to give you.
GET RID QUICK DEFO BEFORE CHRISTMAS SO YOU CAN ENJOY YOURSELF OVER THE FESTIVE SEASON.
Keep us informed.0 -
Get out now...he's not a boyfriend, he's a manipulative, bullying control freak0
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