Just want a 2nd opinion on something..money related.

neverdespairgirl

You both need to have a series of proper discussions. You both need proper life insurance, wills, and so forth, especially as you have children together.

OH and I discussed all of this before our son was born. And when we bought our flat, too. The death in service benefit isn't enough in itself - if you die, how does he pay the mortgage, and bring up the children? If he dies, ditto?

A couple have to be able to talk about things like this, it doesn't mean measuring each other up for a wood overcoat! And it should go both ways, too. And include provisions for your children if you both die before they reach 18. In our case, we've both appointed my parents as our son's guardian if he's left without parents as a minor, and life insurance for both of us to sort out the mortgage and help pay the other bills with one earner, not two.

neverdespairgirl

Kayalana99 wrote: »

This is why I've posted. Ive told him I am unhappy about it but I just can't ask him to leave it to me because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, if he wants to leave it to the kids isn't that his choice? Maybe I have a right to be upset but do I have a right to ask him that?

I'm so much like my Dad is unreal and as much as I love him ....money does come first for him...so I guess I just wanted opinions outside my own as I know I can think like my Dad sometimes and I didn't know if its the right thing to do.

This isn't a question of "money coming first". It's making sure that money doesn't become an extra, horrific problem.

If my OH died, life would be absolutely terrible. Losing my house and worrying abotu supporting my children on top of that would make everything worse. The same if I died - I wouldn't want to wish financial trouble as well as emotional devastation.

bluebag

It may be because he isn't financially savvy, the hasn't got a clue about the implications of leaving it to the kids.

It may be wise to explain to him what it means, that the kids will have a shedload of untouchable money in the bank, but you all could be living in a hostel.

I think they have just given him a form and said write down who you want to leave money to if you snuff it, and he has thought about it for a millisecond and gone 'Oh aye .. me kids' and that's the sum of it.

You are more financially on the ball and see the full picture.

It's just different knowledge and perceptions, I am sure if you tell him what will happen if he doesn't alter it he will be horrified.

claire16c

So what was his reaction when you told him you were upset? Is he going to change the form & just wasn't thinking when he filled it out?

paulineb_2

Also, this money would be money you would get under really difficult circumstances and I hope you never do get it because of his death. My brother and I are both named on my mums death in service benefit. My view has always been, I hope I never get it, similarly life insurance policies that would go to me if my mum died, Id rather have her around and I know you would rather have your partner around too.

But he could change jobs in 6 months time, its it really worth getting so upset about? Yes you seem to have different attitudes to money but we all get brought up differently. Also if you cancel the wedding what will you do, will you still live with him? Will you be looking to rearrange when you get over this? Not everyone has the views that whats yours is mine, but he was asked to nominate someone and he did. He wanted to leave money for your kids, some dads dont give a hoot about their kids, same with mums. There is no way on this earth from the outside looking in that this was a deliberate act done to hurt and to upset you.

I think as other people have advised, get some life insurance sorted, wills etc so that you know if anything happened to either of you youd be ok with or without this 30 grand. Because 30 grand doesnt go that far these days anyway, its not a life changing sum of cash.

And if you do want him to change it to your name, tell him, dont just be of the view that he didnt ask you so it can stay as it is.

Some people are clueless financially, some people are clued up and some people are in the middle.

People make mistakes, Ive made tons in relationships in the past, my advice is sort this out and then let it go, there are far far worse things you could be dealing with as far as your relationship is concerned.

mountainofdebt

I haven't read the whole thread but haven't you got insurance to cover the mortgage anyway? I mean he's only had this job recently and if his previous job didn't have this perk then how would you have managed if the worse had happened then?

Also what would happen if he left this job and the new job didn't have this perk or he was made redundant?

dancingfairy

Honestly, I can understand being upset initially about it but you aren't really giving him the opportunity to put it right. He may not understand why you are upset and he may not realise he can change the form. I think this is probably turning into a much bigger deal in your head and maybe it's because you're at home and feeling vulnerable or maybe because you've had more time to think it through. I agree with the others though he probably got the form thrust at him and was put in the spot. It's hardly a crime to want to leave everything to your kids and he probably just didn't think it all though properly.
Alternatively he could just be an idiot.
Don't let it fester - talk about it and make sure you are on the same page.
df

DigForVictory

I'll have DISB if I die in harness & it goes to Himself to keep a roof over the family heads. (If he hits the casinos, I'll haunt him.)
Our life insurance policies are deliberately understated - we didn't want to pay for a motive for murder!

Sounds like your man hasn't thought it through, but it may possibly be an old fashioned system that only pays bloodkin or married spouses. Just lay it out (calmly!) & you should hear the penny drop...
And possibly a proposal.

paulineb_2

DigForVictory wrote: »

I'll have DISB if I die in harness & it goes to Himself to keep a roof over the family heads. (If he hits the casinos, I'll haunt him.)
Our life insurance policies are deliberately understated - we didn't want to pay for a motive for murder!

Sounds like your man hasn't thought it through, but it may possibly be an old fashioned system that only pays bloodkin or married spouses. Just lay it out (calmly!) & you should hear the penny drop...
And possibly a proposal.

They are already planning to get married, or were

The OP is thinking of calling it off due to these events

jtr2803

I work for a company that offer a death in service benefit.

Earlier this year a long term member of staff died after battling illness for some time. The nominees were all under 18 and the product of 2 separate relationships, the partner at the time of death was not listed as a beneficiary and literally begged us to give her some of the funds as she has not a penny to her name.....it was such a horrible situation and one that the deceased probably had no idea would occur.

We were also never given any contact details for the other beneficiaries and despite our efforts, we have not been able to locate them which is a real shame as we like to carry out peoples wishes.

Your partner should be able to complete a new form at any time which will supersede the one with just your children on. I would also be unhappy that he was not thinking of the family unit (if it was intentional) as children need to be housed, clothed and fed, rather than given quite a few grand to spend as they wish when they turn 18!