Just want a 2nd opinion on something..money related.

bagpussbear

He should have discussed it with you, and I think I would feel irritation as well if I was in your shoes.

But rather than change the nomination, ensure he has life insurance that would cover your mortgage, funeral costs etc etc. so you aren't left in a terrible mess should the unthinkable happen.

JanCee

If it is death in service benefit then it can easily be changed by requesting a new nomination form from the trustees.

He could even split the benefit between you & the children if he wanted to.

RAS

Kayalana99 wrote: »

House is in both names(can't remember what its called but if either of us dies we both own 100% so we'd just get the house)

But their is no money in the house of yet as we only brought 6months ago and have a family loan out from my Grandad (who is worse then my dad ) so it would need to be repaid in sale.

You need reducing term life insurance to cover the eventually of either of you dying. Link it to the mortgage (that means the mortgage has to be paid off from the proceeds).

That way the survivor and children have a safe roof over their heads.

With respect to the Death in Service Benefits, some schemes do not allow them to be paid to anyone other than spouses, civil partners, children, parents or other blood family; so no unmarried partners. That may have affect his options.

azzabazza

Years ago I had to nominate for Death in Service and I nominated my husband as we had a mortgage then and our two children were young. Quite a few years later I was asked to review my beneficiaries. By this time our children were young adults and we (as a couple) were financially secure. After discussion with DH we decided to split - half to OH and the other half shared by the children. I am now retired so this now doesn't count.

Our reasons for nominating DH when kids were young was that he would need to organise and possibly pay for child care if anything happened to me.

I think your OH just didn't think it through and he probably realises this. I am sure he can amend his nominations.

Hermia

It does sound like thoughtlessness not malice to me. But at least this should prompt some serious discussions between you. You do need to think about making some provisions for the other person and the kids if either of you die (or both).

pukkamum

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I've told him I'm unhappy about the fact he didn't think to talk to me about it & that if it had happened and I hadn't of known how upset I would of been with him and the last thing I would of wanted was a reason to be mad at him if he had died.....

I guess thats all I've really said in a nutshell

Then you haven't actually expressed exactly why or what you are upset about hence he has had no opportunity to explain why.
Please talk to him tell him everything and deal with nis reaction from there.

if he says gosh I didn't think of all that I'll change it, perhaps he can give you reason to agree with decision.
Maybe he'll say he doesn't want you to have his money.
You need to fully know his motivation.

FBaby

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I've told him I'm unhappy about the fact he didn't think to talk to me about it & that if it had happened and I hadn't of known how upset I would of been with him and the last thing I would of wanted was a reason to be mad at him if he had died.....

I guess thats all I've really said in a nutshell

And what did he anwer to that? To me, it's his response to this that would be more meaningful. If he said 'gosh, I didn't think, I only imagine dying when much older and by then you'd have the house all paid so it made sense to leave this to the kids, but now I can see it is a stupid idea and I will change it', then it can be forgotten.

If however he responded that it is how he wants it because his kids comes first, I would indeed seriously rething getting married.

balletshoes

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I don't know if I am taking this out of proportion but its really getting to me, so I am wondering what others think.

Perhaps if you are harsh on me and tell me I am being silly I will be able to let it go...or maybe agree IDK.

My partner has started a new job, and one of the 'perks' shall we say is if he dies they pay out 30k to the people he puts down, well he put our two kids down without a thought to even talk about it with me.

I have to add my partner doesn't think things through, and he basicly wanted to leave something for the kids so he won't of had any ill intention by doing it.

Thing is if he had died say last week before I found out, I would of been left with a mortgage/bills I can't pay whilst our two kids had 30k in the bank...and I just keep thinking that I would be mad at him because that money would of been a god sent at the worse time of my life the last thing I would want to be worried about is money ofc!

I'm not the type of person who would go out and spend it on hoildays and things for myself, it would of gone towards us as a family to get by...and if I had more then I needed it would of gone towards the kids future / spread out over the years to buy them things that I might not of otherwise been able to give, but I feel (now I might get flamed for this bit but I suppose I should be honest) that at least I would have that control to do that, that it would be my choice to put towards the kids future because I wouldn't of needed the money to live on.

I only earn 8k a year...and I am on mat leave I probally would of been moving in with one of my parents or living of benifits if god forbid something like this happened, I do have a small business I've just started but without help from OH with childcare so I could actually do things it would probably go down pan as well.

Thoughts? Feel free to flame I would like honest opinions if I am being a cow/unreasonable.

honestly? i think this is classic "mountain out of a molehill" territory. Your points about the money are valid, you admit yourself your OH had the kids' best interests at heart when he nominated them.
Nothing bad has happened here, its not an irreversible action he's taken, so just tell him what you've told us, they reason why you think you should be nominated, and leave it at that.

theoretica

Just to add another voice to the 'get life assurance' suggestion. That you don't have this makes me think that thoughtlessness is likely what was behind his nomination.

Do you have wills too?

Goldiegirl

Frankly. I think he's just been bit of an idiot and hasn't thought the situation through.


Just say to him, if he died now, and the money went straight to the kids, how would I cope with the house and the bills and all the things the children need?


He'll probably look a bit clueless, and say, oh.... I didn't think it though.


As his partner, you are completely entitled to the money if the worst happened, so ask him to change the form as soon as possible.


Also, as the others have said, look into getting more life insurance - £30000 won't last that long