Just want a 2nd opinion on something..money related.

Kayalana99

I don't know if I am taking this out of proportion but its really getting to me, so I am wondering what others think.

Perhaps if you are harsh on me and tell me I am being silly I will be able to let it go...or maybe agree IDK.

My partner has started a new job, and one of the 'perks' shall we say is if he dies they pay out 30k to the people he puts down, well he put our two kids down without a thought to even talk about it with me.

I have to add my partner doesn't think things through, and he basicly wanted to leave something for the kids so he won't of had any ill intention by doing it.

Thing is if he had died say last week before I found out, I would of been left with a mortgage/bills I can't pay whilst our two kids had 30k in the bank...and I just keep thinking that I would be mad at him because that money would of been a god sent at the worse time of my life the last thing I would want to be worried about is money ofc!

I'm not the type of person who would go out and spend it on hoildays and things for myself, it would of gone towards us as a family to get by...and if I had more then I needed it would of gone towards the kids future / spread out over the years to buy them things that I might not of otherwise been able to give, but I feel (now I might get flamed for this bit but I suppose I should be honest) that at least I would have that control to do that, that it would be my choice to put towards the kids future because I wouldn't of needed the money to live on.

I only earn 8k a year...and I am on mat leave I probally would of been moving in with one of my parents or living of benifits if god forbid something like this happened, I do have a small business I've just started but without help from OH with childcare so I could actually do things it would probably go down pan as well.

Thoughts? Feel free to flame I would like honest opinions if I am being a cow/unreasonable.

Person_one

If you're a true partnership, then that kind of thing should be discussed before decisions are made.

Are you a true partnership in every sense of the word?

Toto

I think it's ridiculous to leave the money to the children when they could end up homeless because you can't afford the mortgage. Leaving something for the children is wonderful but comes second to securing their immediate future by making sure you have enough to feed them and keep a roof over their heads.

krustylouise

Personally I would be disappointed and would feel almost undermined, if that makes sense? Surely this is the sort of thing you discuss together, I mean would he not include you in a will should he have one?

Have you voiced your upset to him?

Kayalana99

Person_one wrote: »

If you're a true partnership, then that kind of thing should be discussed before decisions are made.

Are you a true partnership in every sense of the word?

I really feel like we are, I suppose were never going to see eye to eye on money as he has been brought up to spend and I have been brought up to save - but we don't argue about it we just talk about it and get on with it usually.

I've been abit down last few days because of this and he keeps saying he is sorry but I just don't know how to take it.

I don't even know if I should be mad, I keep saying its because he didn't even think to talk to me about such a big decision but I know what he is like he just doesn't think like I do so how can I blame him for not thinking? IDK

InsideInsurance

This sounds like a Death In Service benefit, which is often tied to the company pension. The trustees of the pension ultimately decide who the monies go to but it is very rare for them not to go for the nominated person if the form has been completed.

I find it odd when people dont leave their inheritance to their partner but a friend has an unencumbered £400k house, probably £500k in savings and life insurance and it is all left to his son with just the statement that his wife can live in the house until (a) she gets a new partner or (b) his son turns 18 (currently he's 4)

Ultimately its his choice who to nominate and perhaps you should have an adult conversation about what happens, how you will support the family etc if he dies. Perhaps decreasing life insurance on the mortgage would be sensible so at least there'd be a property at the end.

heartbreak_star

I can see where he's coming from, I just don't think he's thought it through properly.

FWIW, how would you cope if he didn't die at work? (That's the usual clause of schemes like this - they have to die "in service" so to speak".

HBS x

Kayalana99

krustylouise wrote: »

I mean would he not include you in a will should he have one?

Well this is it, although I've always seen whats mine is his etc, he spends whilst I save...so I hold all the savings.(We get the same amount each month spare more or less)

Even if he had a will their would be nothing to leave behind so this is probably the only thing he will have to give. (Money wise.)

InsideInsurance

heartbreak_star wrote: »

FWIW, how would you cope if he didn't die at work? (That's the usual clause of schemes like this - they have to die "in service" so to speak".

Death In Service is not literally meaning dying whilst at work but simply dying whist being employed by the company

Dunroamin

Has he done this so you might be eligible to claim benefits?

Kayalana99

InsideInsurance wrote: »

This sounds like a Death In Service benefit, which is often tied to the company pension. The trustees of the pension ultimately decide who the monies go to but it is very rare for them not to go for the nominated person if the form has been completed.

I find it odd when people dont leave their inheritance to their partner but a friend has an unencumbered £400k house, probably £500k in savings and life insurance and it is all left to his son with just the statement that his wife can live in the house until (a) she gets a new partner or (b) his son turns 18 (currently he's 4)

Ultimately its his choice who to nominate and perhaps you should have an adult conversation about what happens, how you will support the family etc if he dies. Perhaps decreasing life insurance on the mortgage would be sensible so at least there'd be a property at the end.

I'm not sure if he actually has to die at work...I suppose its all what ifs.. But I guess its not really the point if the money would get paid (although its a good thing to plan for these things I guess)

HBS - If their wasn't a payout as above I would have to cope on benefits etc at least untill school age.

I would cope - theirs no issue with that, but it seems mad to me to give the kids 30k and to leave us scrapping by I guess. IMO