Just want a 2nd opinion on something..money related.

paulineb_2

And hes not named someone outside the family, if he had I could understand that you would be spitting chips

He wanted your kids to have something, thats really not a bad thing even though it would be better if it went to you.

Mrs_Imp

Do you not have life insurance too? Surely that would cover the mortgage? Maybe your OH thought you'd be able to manage with the insurance payout and wanted to leave something for your children.

paulineb_2

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Do you not have life insurance too? Surely that would cover the mortgage? Maybe your OH thought you'd be able to manage with the insurance payout and wanted to leave something for your children.

If the OP and her partner dont have it, maybe this is the time to discuss that as well.

Kayalana99

paulineb wrote: »

And once you talk to him about it, you can say why you think it would be better if you were the person named, ie to pay the mortgage off if anything ever happened to him and ask that it can be changed, dont make it a bigger issue than it needs to be. Everyone makes mistakes and he probably didnt realise why it would be better if you were named rather than the kids.

This is why I've posted. Ive told him I am unhappy about it but I just can't ask him to leave it to me because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, if he wants to leave it to the kids isn't that his choice? Maybe I have a right to be upset but do I have a right to ask him that?

I'm so much like my Dad is unreal and as much as I love him ....money does come first for him...so I guess I just wanted opinions outside my own as I know I can think like my Dad sometimes and I didn't know if its the right thing to do.

RuthnJasper

I think he probably just didn't think it through. As PaulineB says, he was most likely put on the spot to complete the form; assumed that you'd "automatically qualify" for something and so nominated the children instead.

I'm no expert, but I don't think that most men's minds work like that (i.e. coming up with a complex strategy over his pension benefits in the event of an early death, calculated solely as a reason to annoy or get at you).

It's good that you have talked about it together but, as you mentioned, he has apologised. It is important to have plans in place, but I can't see anyone who doesn't have serious personality flaws (and you haven't mentioned that he's a possessive nutjob) doing this as a cold cruel and calculating act to hurt someone. I would accept his apology, take him at his word and let that be the end of this matter.

I think that Pauline's right - it can be changed if needs be. But anyway, I would also hope that, if an unexpected tragedy were to happen at some point in the far future, that your children would not just dump you to starve in a hovel.

Best wishes for the future.

Slinky

Kayalana I think this has brought up a whole train of thought you need to think about, getting some life insurance for both of you to clear the mortgage if either of you were to die. I have a friend who is an IFA and he's come across some horrific stories of people being left not only without their OH if an accident/illness has occurred, but who have lost their home as well simply because they didn't have life insurance. If you're young, it's probably not as expensive as you think - probably only a few pounds a month more than mobile phone insurance, and a darned sight more important.

Kayalana99

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

On a side note: whos name is the mortgage in? If in his only, are you sure you would be able to take it over if he died?

House is in both names(can't remember what its called but if either of us dies we both own 100% so we'd just get the house)

But their is no money in the house of yet as we only brought 6months ago and have a family loan out from my Grandad (who is worse then my dad ) so it would need to be repaid in sale.


Up to Jasper - they wouldn't be able to access the money till they were 18, if kids were already 18 I would have no problem him leaving them the money as unless something goes seriously wrong in my life I won't be relying on my OH at that point for money. (Just saying in theory I would have a decent job/my business would of taken off as I cant stand being on benefits as it is but unf we dont have a choice atm)

pukkamum

Kayalana99 wrote: »

This is why I've posted. Ive told him I am unhappy about it but I just can't ask him to leave it to me because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, if he wants to leave it to the kids isn't that his choice? Maybe I have a right to be upset but do I have a right to ask him that?

I'm so much like my Dad is unreal and as much as I love him ....money does come first for him...so I guess I just wanted opinions outside my own as I know I can think like my Dad sometimes and I didn't know if its the right thing to do.

Kaylana I do think you are well within your rights to ask him to leave it to you.
Have you given the reasons to him you gave us or have you just expressed displeasure?

are you hoping he will realise what you want and why without you saying anything.

Morglin

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I don't know if I am taking this out of proportion but its really getting to me, so I am wondering what others think.

Perhaps if you are harsh on me and tell me I am being silly I will be able to let it go...or maybe agree IDK.

My partner has started a new job, and one of the 'perks' shall we say is if he dies they pay out 30k to the people he puts down, well he put our two kids down without a thought to even talk about it with me.

I have to add my partner doesn't think things through, and he basicly wanted to leave something for the kids so he won't of had any ill intention by doing it.

Thing is if he had died say last week before I found out, I would of been left with a mortgage/bills I can't pay whilst our two kids had 30k in the bank...and I just keep thinking that I would be mad at him because that money would of been a god sent at the worse time of my life the last thing I would want to be worried about is money ofc!

I'm not the type of person who would go out and spend it on hoildays and things for myself, it would of gone towards us as a family to get by...and if I had more then I needed it would of gone towards the kids future / spread out over the years to buy them things that I might not of otherwise been able to give, but I feel (now I might get flamed for this bit but I suppose I should be honest) that at least I would have that control to do that, that it would be my choice to put towards the kids future because I wouldn't of needed the money to live on.

I only earn 8k a year...and I am on mat leave I probally would of been moving in with one of my parents or living of benifits if god forbid something like this happened, I do have a small business I've just started but without help from OH with childcare so I could actually do things it would probably go down pan as well.

Thoughts? Feel free to flame I would like honest opinions if I am being a cow/unreasonable.

No, as you are the mother of his young kids, it would make much more sense to have named you as beneficiary, and then trusted you to do the right thing by your children.

The immediate problems, if a partner dies young, is to keep a roof over the family's head and at least have enough to live on for a while.

As you aren't legally married, you would also be restricted with help from the DWP (no funeral grant for example).

If possible, I would talk this through with him, and arrange for him to make you beneficiary.

Lin

Kayalana99

pukkamum wrote: »

Kaylana I do think you are well within your rights to ask him to leave it to you.
Have you given the reasons to him you gave us or have you just expressed displeasure?

are you hoping he will realise what you want and why without you saying anything.

I've told him I'm unhappy about the fact he didn't think to talk to me about it & that if it had happened and I hadn't of known how upset I would of been with him and the last thing I would of wanted was a reason to be mad at him if he had died.....

I guess thats all I've really said in a nutshell