Tricky situation with child

Savemesomemoneyplease

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I'm not talking about rent though: just a token amount towards food and petrol, but I don't know how much to charge. I only want to cover the extra.

Hi Lily!

Just wanted to pick up on the "my friends don't have to!" Thing. Most/ all even of her friends won't have received large loans and definitely not bursaries. The reason she is getting that is because of your low income, I agree she should give some back.

I didn't give my parents rent over the summer but I also didn't receive a grant/ bursary so had to work all summer in order to cover the excess rent/ food/ bills etc.

My 18 yo brother was charged rent the summer before uni because he was earning an awful lot but also wanted specific toiletries/ brands.

The fact she can afford a play station points out to me a massive flaw in the system.

nickj_2

btw , your "child" is an adult , if she can afford to waste cash on ps4 etc then she can afford to contribute to her keep and pay her way , it's life , it's hard but it's a good lesson to learn, if this means she has to get a p/t job then she should do that ,
if she wants you to be the taxi then she should give you cash for the trip , if not there's always public transport or she could have a bit of shock therapy and get and pay for a taxi

thegirlintheattic

I've never heard of parents charging their uni kids - and I spend five years at uni in total. I can understand charging someone who is working but not a student.

I'd suggest you ask her to get a bus/taxi and don't take her shopping, but I personally would feel very unwelcome if I had gone home at uni to be told I had to pay or not come home. I can understand things are tough though.

Mojisola

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

I'd suggest you ask her to get a bus/taxi and don't take her shopping, but I personally would feel very unwelcome if I had gone home at uni to be told I had to pay or not come home.

I don't think that's the situation here at all.

Adult daughter is being told - don't spend money that we don't have. What self-respecting (and parent-respecting) person would want to put their parents into debt because of a profligate use of the utilities and petrol and special shopping?

BitterAndTwisted

Quite honestly, I wouldn't be accepting petrol-money for two two-hour round-trips per evening because I wouldn't be doing them in the first place! That's an awful lot to ask, even of parents who could well afford it. That's four hours out of someone's evening/night. Eff that! Nope, she'd be getting the bus, staying overnight or not going at all.

nickj_2

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

I've never heard of parents charging their uni kids - and I spend five years at uni in total. I can understand charging someone who is working but not a student.

I'd suggest you ask her to get a bus/taxi and don't take her shopping, but I personally would feel very unwelcome if I had gone home at uni to be told I had to pay or not come home. I can understand things are tough though.

I'm sure all parents would love to have their kids living at home and not have to charge them for their keep, however this is the real world , not everyone can afford it , i personally would not put up with my kids putting £40 worth of stuff on top of my shopping bill every week , if they want it they can go out and get a job and earn it
the OP has stated that they can't afford her lavish ways

, my 16 yr old daughter works at the local hotel and does baby sitting , this weekend she baby sat once of friday night and then on saturday night and worked at the hotel saturday afternoon and then went back at 8-00am sunday morning to help with breakfasts , probably earnt £100 for that , she pays her way for clothing and treats , and anything she wants to buy , but she never asks us for cash

Tigsteroonie

Just an observation - you may find that over Christmas, and more noticeably in the summer, she visits her friends in the 'old town' less often. When you first moved, they were still the only friends she had (from school), whereas now she'll be making new friends from all around the country at her uni. She'll probably lose touch with all but a couple of close friends from her schooldays. So the transport costs may decrease ...

^^Based on experience!

slightlyconfused1

Most students I know work during the summer either at home or abroad. My son tends to go abroad but if he were to be at home he would expect to pay something towards his keep. He is an adult and for his own self respect he would always pay his way.

If your daughter were not a student she would be working and paying towards her keep, I don't see the difference if she is working for 3 months.

I would not dream of taking anything from my son for the short holidays or flying visits, but he would also not get away with what your daughter is doing to you. She is an intelligent adult who knows how much it costs to live. Time for an adult chat and a dose of reality I think.

theoretica

RAS wrote: »

Like many parents they have recently fallen off the Child Benefit/Child Tax credit cliff and income is likely to eb a lot lower than this time last year.

This is a very good point. Last year she was a child and saw her parents paying her way - but a proportion of this was actually the £80 a month child benefit + child tax credit they got. You need to point out that you are not being stingy - but the government is now giving the money direct to her (as the bursary/grants) rather than to you.

[Deleted User]

There is no nice way to TELL her that she must contribute.

She is an adult so should understand that you are living on a tight budget.

If she doesn't buy these more luxurious items when she is spending her own money then she should be buying them with yours.

I also would stop with the 80 mile round trips in fact I wouldn't even have started them in the first place.

Even if she doesn't know that she is doin it or not intending to she is taking the P.

Dxxx