Deed Poll - to double-barrel or not?!!

Georgiegirl256

This_Year wrote: »

My surname is spelled wrongly most of the time. It's not double-barrelled, it only has 5 letters but people seem to be unable to put them in the right order.

And thinking about it, it's pronounced wrongly most of the time too. People say the first letter, hesitate and then totally mangle it - it's been said with 4 syllables before now (it's only got one!) I always know it's my name then!

Maybe I should change my to something simple.

My married name is always getting pronounced wrongly. At first glance people might wonder how to pronounce it, (well, actually it's never been hard to me, but I guess some people don't read properly!) but if you look at it and take it in properly, it really isn't that hard at all, it winds me up sometimes when people can't even be bothered to try and pronounce it correctly.

That was one of the reasons I was tempted to keep my maiden name as I'd seen my husbands (then fianc! obviously) surname continually getting pronounced wrong, with names that are not even close. :mad:

So when people phone up and ask if Mr & Mrs "insert various wrong variations of name here" are there, then depending on what mood I'm in, then I'll tell them "no, but mr & mrs so and so are"

This_Year

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

So when people phone up and ask if Mr & Mrs "insert various wrong variations of name here" are there, then depending on what mood I'm in, then I'll tell them "no, but mr & mrs so and so are"

Oh so do I. "No-one of that name here, are you sure you have the right number?"

I have been asked if I am Mrs (OH's name, different to mine) and I usually say "oh no, she doesn't live here" which does confuse people somewhat. It just amuses me.

Goldiegirl

I quite like the Icelandic system of surnames.

You keep the same surname for life, and your surname is taken from your fathers first name.

For example, if John had a son, the son's surname would be Johnson. If John then had a daughter, her surname would be Johnsdottir.

So there are multiple different surnames in a family, and the woman keeps her name on marriage.

But I don't know what happens if the father is unknown..... I imagine you take the name of your mother eg Julieson or Juliedottir

Georgiegirl256

This_Year wrote: »

Oh so do I. "No-one of that name here, are you sure you have the right number?"

I have been asked if I am Mrs (OH's name, different to mine) and I usually say "oh no, she doesn't live here" which does confuse people somewhat. It just amuses me.

Me too lol! :rotfl:

ButterflyKisses

I really don't think she should call herself Mrs if you aren't getting married, especially if she wants to. It would be a bit of a slap in the face every time I heard it if it was me.

I have a friend who has been with her partner 24 years, 2 (adult) children, and refers to herself as Mrs xxx. They aren't married and it has caused a lot of confusion and embarassment for her when she has had to explain she's not actually married to Mr xxx on the occasions when the status of your relationship does matter (pensions, legal matters etc). Clearly she did want to marry him but as soon as she changed her name that was it, discussion over.

ostrichnomore_2

"What you choose to call your children will mean nothing when social services put your unmarried lady through hoops to assure the paperwork she is the right & proper person to care for her & your children."

eh? social services don't get involved when one parent dies?

fluffnutter

DigForVictory wrote: »

There are two issues in play here - the naming and the not marrying.

What you call yourselves & your children is somewhat moot - you have a working situation - why mess with it? (And not knowing the chidrens ages, might not they deserve a say in the matter too?)

Then you have the I don't do marriage bit - which ruffles a lot of MSE feathers not because we're old fashioned (OK, I am & the rest can put their hands up as they please) but because it's an inherently unsafe situation for your children should you go under a bus. What you choose to call your children will mean nothing when social services put your unmarried lady through hoops to assure the paperwork she is the right & proper person to care for her & your children.

The names you will be called at that stage may or may not be double barrelled, but as it is avoidable, please take steps to avoid it!? Marriage isn't anywhere near as bad as that mess.

pollypenny wrote: »

Very well put!

However, I'd say the 'I don't do marriage' has ruffled feathers not because we are old fashioned, but because it seems rather one-sided. OPs commitment only goes half way. And both partner and children lack the legal protection given by marriage.

I agree with pollypenny. There's nothing wrong with choosing not to marry, I'm just not sure that the OP's other half actually ever had that choice... seems like she's been told to put up or shut up.

claire16c

gayleygoo wrote: »

I bet you'd have one happy wifey if you proposed to her for christmas My OH doesn't want to get married either, mostly because we aren't religious, and also he's terrified of public events, particularly ones that would be centred around him! I understand them and agree with him, but still feel like I'll be missing out on something most other women get to do.... We all have our reasons for being married or not married, but I'd say make sure your partner is actually happy with your decision not to marry, what have you really got to lose?

My DH felt like that - I explained I didn't want a religious wedding, religion had nothing to do with it, and I was happy to go abroad & have a small wedding.

He now has one of our wedding photos as his screen saver & never shuts up about how great it was lol! I did practically have to force him to do a speech though!

catkins

tiger_eyes wrote: »

They'd choose to be known by whatever name they chose to be known by. What's the big deal?

But what if they both want to keep their double barrelled surnames?


According to this thread that is why people end up with double barrelled surnames - they don't want to change their surname when they get married

Sinhanada wrote: »

I have to agree :-)

Valentine-Saunders by choice so I guess I'm pretentious:rotfl:

Maybe not pretentious but I don't envy you with that mouthful of a surname. I really don't know how you manage to write it on any official forms. My surname is 9 letters long and I struggle to get that in the small spaces provided on forms.


I never had a problem taking my husband's name although he would have been happy taking mine

Person_one

catkins wrote: »

But what if they both want to keep their double barrelled surnames?


According to this thread that is why people end up with double barrelled surnames - they don't want to change their surname when they get married

I'm sure people can work something out to their satisfaction, its not really a huge issue, is it?