Deed Poll - to double-barrel or not?!!

RedfordML

Hi,
My partner & I have been together nearly 11yrs & have 3 young children - all of whom have my surname. We are never going to be getting married (my choice) but are looking at my partner taking my surname by deed poll so she has same name as the rest of us. The decision we are struggling with is is what she changes to - just my surname, Parker, so we are all the same, or a double-barrel mix of her maiden surname Collier and mine, so she has the Parker same as us, but still keeps her roots with us not being married. Also the suffix - does she change to Mrs?! Anyone who has done similar any opinion would be welcomed...

Parker
Collier-Parker
Parker-Collier
Or no hyphen but the two names?!!

Decisions decisions!!

building_with_lego

I'm sitting on my hands about the "(my choice)" comment!

Surely she'd stay as Ms Surname, not being married?
What does your partner prefer? Does she wish to change the children's names or just hers? She could add your surname and use hers as an extra middle name to make things easier for the rest of you.

You could all choose a new surname and all change to that! (Mr and Ms Malarkey appeals to me, even though OH's surname is very cool.)

Mojisola

It depends on what you both want to do.

If she's happy to stop using her name, your surname for everyone is the simplest. Depending on her job, she may want to keep her name and then double-barrelled may be best.

She can use Miss, Mrs or Ms - again, it depends on what she wants to do.

Annisele

Also sitting on my hands about the "my choice"...if you'd said "our choice", that would have been different!

TBH I think it depends why your partner wants to change her name. If she wants to take yours, then that's what she should to. If she wants to be Mrs MaidenName YourName, then again that's the best answer for her.

I am married, but I've "kept my roots" as you put it by keeping my own name. My husband didn't want to take my name - he's rather attached to his own - and I felt the same way about taking his name.

catkins

Double barrelled surnames are a pet hate of mine. They usually sound so silly and a bit pretentious. I always wonder too what happens when someone with a double barrelled surname wants to marry someone else with a double barrelled surname. What name do they take?

RedfordML

Apologies....to elaborate on the 'my choice' comment...my partner would happily get married, however I have no want to get married hence the 'my choice'. After years of discussion over the marriage debate we have reached the point in our lives where we are happy as we are & we have decided that the most important thing is sharing the same name as a family.

tiger_eyes

catkins wrote: »

Double barrelled surnames are a pet hate of mine. They usually sound so silly and a bit pretentious.

I find them very egalitarian and sometimes even elegant. A friend of mine in school had a double-barrelled surname that sounded great.

mountainofdebt

RedfordML wrote: »

Apologies....to elaborate on the 'my choice' comment...my partner would happily get married, however I have no want to get married hence the 'my choice'. After years of discussion over the marriage debate we have reached the point in our lives where we are happy as we are & we have decided that the most important thing is sharing the same name as a family.

Have you looked into the legal implications though of not being married?

fluffnutter

RedfordML wrote: »

Apologies....to elaborate on the 'my choice' comment...my partner would happily get married, however I have no want to get married hence the 'my choice'. After years of discussion over the marriage debate we have reached the point in our lives where we are happy as we are & we have decided that the most important thing is sharing the same name as a family.

Cool. Change yours and the kids' to hers then.

paulineb_2

Maybe you are happy not getting married and she has no option but to go along with it.

If I were her, Id be keeping her surname the way it is and certainly not calling herself Mrs seeing as you dont want to get married.

fluffnutter

paulineb wrote: »

Maybe you are happy not getting married and she has no option but to go along with it.

If I were her, Id be keeping her surname the way it is and certainly not calling herself Mrs seeing as you dont want to get married.

I'd have given the kids my name too. That way the person who doesn't want to get married is the one 'out on a limb' in terms of family name. It's not her who doesn't want to cement the family unit...