Need help thinking up an excuse for Santa

OrkneyStar

quidsy wrote: »

The truth can & does hurt. this is about SANTA !!!!!!!

In general terms, I agree sometimes the truth can hurt, but it doesn't necessarily mean that lying is the best way forward either. In relation to santa, honestly I have no real issue with folk doing it (or whatever they like!), I just wish folk would respect that we don't feel the need to do it (DH and I both independently decided against the whole santa thing!). As said before, I still refuse to take on that I am somehow hurting my son by not doing santa, can anyone explain exactly HOW they think it is hurting him (or anyone else)?

quidsy

Has anyone actually said you are? I haven't read anything. I beleive this started when the op asked a question about what to say as her ds had found his gifts. She didn't ask to be called a liar. Which she was.

If you don't do it, fine, no one cares. But this thread is about a parent who's kid did/does beleive in santa & how to explain the presents they found.

OrkneyStar

quidsy wrote: »

Has anyone actually said you are? I haven't read anything. I beleive this started when the op asked a question about what to say as her ds had found his gifts. She didn't ask to be called a liar. Which she was.

If you don't do it, fine, no one cares. But this thread is about a parent who's kid did/does beleive in santa & how to explain the presents they found.

I didn't call her a liar (honestly cannot recall who did and cannot be bothered looking).
I was responding to your comment where you say 'the truth hurts' and so took that to mean you were relating that to the santa debate- were you not?
I was simply adding the slant that my DS, also 6, knows santa is not real, hoping in some way it might reassure OP that even if her DS has 'cottoned on', she can still make Christmas special and fun, and that presents from her can and do mean as much as presents from the man in the red suit! If he is present searching something suggests he may well already be aware that the santa thing is a bit un-true. In my experience kids are often not that bothered when they find out it's all made up, it's more often mum and dad who are sad- perhaps it's another sign our kids are growing up, who knows?
Anyway I wasn't meaning to cause conflict, more just to say kids who have never believed in santa are perfectly fine.

iammumtoone

OrkneyStar wrote: »

In general terms, I agree sometimes the truth can hurt, but it doesn't necessarily mean that lying is the best way forward either. In relation to santa, honestly I have no real issue with folk doing it (or whatever they like!), I just wish folk would respect that we don't feel the need to do it (DH and I both independently decided against the whole santa thing!). As said before, I still refuse to take on that I am somehow hurting my son by not doing santa, can anyone explain exactly HOW they think it is hurting him (or anyone else)?

I don't think you are hurting him of course you are not, there are plenty of instances of children being hurt and abused, choosing not to believe in Santa is definitely not one of those.

But in the same instance, people who do chose for their children to believe in Santa (or lie to them as some would have it) I don't believe are hurting their children either.

I believe that the children who don't believe in Santa maybe miss out on some of the chat/fun of it with their friends (as I think everyone will agree the majority of people do take part in the tradition of Santa) and they miss out on maybe a extra bit of magic at Christmas, BUT that certainly isn't going to hurt them, it also won't do them any damage in the long term either, they will remember Christmas as a time of love and affection, they wont remember it as the time Mum and Dad didn't believe.

Much the same as a child that does have the tradition of Santa, they too will remember it as a time of love and affection (with the added memory of leaving out mince pies ), I don't believe they will remember it as the time Mum and Dad lied to them.

quidsy

The truth hurting comment was directed at the post made alluding to "a truth told with love, whatever can't hurt." That in itself is a lie. The truth can, does & will contiue to hurt in many situations, regardless of how or by whom it is delivered.

And no one has said there is a problem with not doing the santa thing with your kids but there does seem to be a lot of pontificating about what other people do with their kids. The op was slagged off on page one & now a few more non beleivers have piped up.

I doubt anyone cares if you do santa or not, we do it because my son beleives in it. It makes him happy to think of santa. I'm not going to destroy that belief because some randoms on the interwebs think they have parenting sown up & never lie to their kids. (I doubt that is true either)

Do what you want. I will continue to let my 6 year old beleive in santa, tooth fairy, easter bunny, tom & jerry, whatever he wants.

Toto

We do santa, my 16 year old still believes! Well, she is very autistic so doesn't change her mind easily. I saw absolute and utter magic and joy in the face of my 5 year old yesterday when she saw her video from the PNP which santa had sent. There was the magic of Christmas right there!


And, when the kids get old enough I explain to them that Santa symbolises the caring and giving that comes with the Christmas spirit. Generosity of the heart, being kind to people we love and people we don't know. It's a time when we think of people less fortunate and do what we can by donating our time and sometimes money to help. These are lessons which we should carry on all year and should be at the foundation of who we are.


None of my kids has complained about being lied to. I have no issue with how anyone wishes to celebrate or not celebrate. I think it would be a sad world if we all did the same.

OrkneyStar

iammumtoone wrote: »

i don't think you are hurting him of course you are not, there are plenty of instances of children being hurt and abused, choosing not to believe in santa is definitely not one of those.

But in the same instance, people who do chose for their children to believe in santa (or lie to them as some would have it) i don't believe are hurting their children either.

I believe that the children who don't believe in santa maybe miss out on some of the chat/fun of it with their friends (as i think everyone will agree the majority of people do take part in the tradition of santa) and they miss out on maybe a extra bit of magic at christmas, but that certainly isn't going to hurt them, it also won't do them any damage in the long term either, they will remember christmas as a time of love and affection, they wont remember it as the time mum and dad didn't believe.

Much the same as a child as does have the tradition of santa, they too will remember it as a time of love and affection (with the added memory of leaving out mince pies ), i don't believe they will remember it as the time mum and dad lied to them.

I think on the whole I agree with this, DS still talks about santa with folk, does cards, does the nativity and so on. Not sure how many of the kids in his class really do believe in santa tbh, a lot of them seem like 6 going on 16!

OrkneyStar

Toto wrote: »

We do santa, my 16 year old still believes! Well, she is very autistic so doesn't change her mind easily. I saw absolute and utter magic and joy in the face of my 5 year old yesterday when she saw her video from the PNP which santa had sent. There was the magic of Christmas right there!


And, when the kids get old enough I explain to them that Santa symbolises the caring and giving that comes with the Christmas spirit. Generosity of the heart, being kind to people we love and people we don't know. It's a time when we think of people less fortunate and do what we can by donating our time and sometimes money to help. These are lessons which we should carry on all year and should be at the foundation of who we are.


None of my kids has complained about being lied to. I have no issue with how anyone wishes to celebrate or not celebrate. I think it would be a sad world if we all did the same.

We also talk about caring, generosity, thinking of others, donating time, money and so on, we just don't need to involve santa in it. So basically we are pretty much teaching the same thing, we are just using different means? .

Nicki

OrkneyStar wrote: »

In general terms, I agree sometimes the truth can hurt, but it doesn't necessarily mean that lying is the best way forward either. In relation to santa, honestly I have no real issue with folk doing it (or whatever they like!), I just wish folk would respect that we don't feel the need to do it (DH and I both independently decided against the whole santa thing!). As said before, I still refuse to take on that I am somehow hurting my son by not doing santa, can anyone explain exactly HOW they think it is hurting him (or anyone else)?

This whole debate started because Not a New User and Judi were both unable to respect that the OP and many others do things differently to them, and decided to butt in to a thread about something different to tell the OP and other posters that they were wrong to do it that way and were lying to their children.

I don't care in the slightest how people choose to celebrate Christmas with their children, I just feel pretty strongly that doing it one way does not make you a superior parent to doing it a different way, and I object to "randoms on tinterweb" as quidsy put it so beautifully chucking around suggestions that my children will not trust me for the rest of their lives for allowing them to believe the same fantasy that most of their class do

Takes all sorts but Not a New User's description of how her family celebrates Christmas would not be for me at all. We like some fun and hilarity in our family and to make Christmas a bit special. I'd need Santa to visit and bring with him a year's supply of Prozac if I had to do it their way

OrkneyStar

quidsy wrote: »

The truth hurting comment was directed at the post made alluding to "a truth told with love, whatever can't hurt." That in itself is a lie. The truth can, does & will contiue to hurt in many situations, regardless of how or by whom it is delivered.

And no one has said there is a problem with not doing the santa thing with your kids but there does seem to be a lot of pontificating about what other people do with their kids. The op was slagged off on page one & now a few more non beleivers have piped up.

I doubt anyone cares if you do santa or not, we do it because my son beleives in it. It makes him happy to think of santa. I'm not going to destroy that belief because some randoms on the interwebs think they have parenting sown up & never lie to their kids. (I doubt that is true either)

Do what you want. I will continue to let my 6 year old beleive in santa, tooth fairy, easter bunny, tom & jerry, whatever he wants.

I don't think anyone has said they have parenting 'sewn up', if they think they have I imagine they are sadly mistaken :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
As for the truth/lie thing (in a wider sense than santa) I do think the truth does hurt sometimes, but the other option of a lie (which may end up doing more harm in the long term) doesn't appeal either. In some situations this is hard and un-pleasant, but that is life. I agree that sometimes it is best to shelter children a little from harsh realities (again this is wider than the santa thing), but sometimes they need to know stuff, and they need to experience life as it is, even if their parents hearts are breaking for them.

Anyway, I hope folk have a nice Christmas, however they celebrate, no doubt there will be smiles, tears, laughs, screams, some of which we can control and some of which we cannot!

And it is only [STRIKE]10[/STRIKE] 13 sleeps!!!! :eek::eek::eek::eek:


Edited, thanks lostinrates!