Need help thinking up an excuse for Santa

stir_crazy

notanewuser wrote: »

I know several people who as adults realise the impact that the receipt had on the parent-child relationship later in life actually. I remember the feeling when I found out at 6 and really hated having to pretend to my sister for another 5 years.

Well, I can say, hand on heart, that I dont know anybody who holds the belief that being encouraged to believe in santa - or the tooth fairy, or the easter bunny - somehow damaged the parent- child relationship. Perhaps there was a deeper problem with the relationship if it is damaged as easily as that.

OrkneyStar

iammumtoone wrote: »

??? He is 6 not 12! ok technically I am lying but I don't know of any parents who celebrate Christmas that don't tell the story of Santa, for a child never to believe in the magic of it I think would be very sad.

DS is 6. We celebrate Christmas but we have never told him Santa is real. He knows the story of it, but he knows it is just that, a story. He knows mummy and daddy get him presents to celebrate Christmas because we love him, and that there is no man in a red suit involved!
He is a happy child, not sad in any way, realises how much he is loved and cared for and also appreciates what we do for him.
I refuse to feel bad when someone tells me how I am doing something cruel to my child simply by not propagating Santa/Father Christmas.
For the record he knows other kids believe in it and has frequently said to me (through us drilling it into him) that he won't go about shouting how it's all a lie or anything like that.

OrkneyStar

lostinrates wrote: »

The religion debate is frequent! More interestingly,most people tell their children they are beautiful, clever, special, wonderful. Etc.......when we are most of us fairly average to all but those who love us. Most people tell social lies ' I'm sorry I'm busy that night' rather than 'I wouldn't come if hell hounds bayed behind me' or 'it's a lovely colour'm about a new dress rather than 'but the cut is awful and its a size too small for you'.


I'm not a parent, I have no issue with either parenting choice tbh, but I think we all fudge the truth at times, and I think al, parents make mistakes. Its horrid to watch EITHER stance take stabs at each other.

I do tell DS he is beautiful, clever, wonderful, kind etc, as he is to me. However I also tell him that we are all here on this earth, no one better than another. Is it that ridiculous that he actually understands that I think he is wonderful, daddy thinks that too, and granny, but the rest of the world won't necessarily think that? I want to build up his self-worth in a realistic way, and if that means assurances of how much he really means to us, then so be it!

OrkneyStar

quidsy wrote: »

oh the holier than thous are out on this thread.

My son gladly beleives in tooth fairy, santa, elves & dragons. I will never tell him they don't exist until he decides it himself.

I'd rather he beleive in something that he eventually figures out is not real than have him lied to all through his life by religious institutions about the existance of god, jebus, virgin births & angels.

I tell him about all sorts of stores and tales (Santa, Tooth Fairy and so on).
I also tell him about God and Jesus, and that I believe in that. I hope he will too, but ultimately as a teen/adult HE will decide what he thinks is right and true and how to live his life.
He is aware that there is more than one way, I will accept either, even if I'd rather he chose something else.

iammumtoone

OrkneyStar wrote: »

DS is 6. We celebrate Christmas but we have never told him Santa is real. He knows the story of it, but he knows it is just that, a story. He knows mummy and daddy get him presents to celebrate Christmas because we love him, and that there is no man in a red suit involved!
He is a happy child, not sad in any way, realises how much he is loved and cared for and also appreciates what we do for him.
I refuse to feel bad when someone tells me how I am doing something cruel to my child simply by not propagating Santa/Father Christmas.
For the record he knows other kids believe in it and has frequently said to me (through us drilling it into him) that he won't go about shouting how it's all a lie or anything like that.

Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel 'bad' just because of the way you choose to celebrate, I apologise if I offended, when I typed that I had generally never heard of anyone not telling their children of Santa.

In the same sense I don't believe I should be made out to be 'bad' just because I personally choose to celebrate the magic of Santa.

I can only speak from my personal experience and that is DS enjoys Christmas more than he does his birthday, he get presents on both, in fact he gets a few more on his birthday due to the fact I have more spare money at that time as no one else to buy for. The fact he gets more enjoyment out of Christmas is due to the lead up which includes the 'magic' and excitement of Santa.

OrkneyStar

iammumtoone wrote: »

Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel 'bad' just because of the way you choose to celebrate, I apologise if I offended, when I typed that I had generally never heard of anyone not telling their children of Santa.

In the same sense I don't believe I should be made out to be 'bad' just because I personally choose to celebrate the magic of Santa.

I can only speak from my personal experience and that is DS enjoys Christmas more than he does his birthday, he get presents on both, in fact he gets a few more on his birthday due to the fact I have more spare money at that time as no one else to buy for. The fact he gets more enjoyment out of Christmas is due to the lead up which includes the 'magic' and excitement of Santa.

I wasn't directing that at you, just in general, about how 'not doing Santa is cruel'.
I also hope you sort out your dilemma in a way that no-one is too upset/stressed by! (I added the bit about DS being told others believe so show I respect those who do do Santa, just wish they'd do the same for me lol!).
6 year old boys eh? Who'd have them?

notanewuser

quidsy wrote: »

Wrong they learn about santa well before anyone might tell them it is true, from cards, from the cocoa cola truck, from nursery, from grottos. Parents don't "lead" them to anything. I never told my son that it was real it was just "there". He decided it was & if he asks me if it is real, like you I say, "what do you think?" He made up his own mind from the things around him but all the while he thinks it is & it brings him some magic then I wont burst his bubble.

.

Wrong. Apart from 1 Santa visiting her mother and toddler group (DD was 14 months) and another visiting her nursery last year DD has had no exposure to Santa whatsoever. Not deliberately, she just hasn't been around it. She's now 3 and will be having Santa visit nursery tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what questions come of that to be honest as she has no idea who he is or what he allegedly does.

My 2 year old nieces on the other hand live in houses where santa's face festoons pretty much every surface and wall from Devember the first. They've been told they have to be good or he won't bring presents (shudders). They'll wake up on Xmas morning to mountains of presents, footprints in "snow" on the carpet and half eaten carrots.

Are they choosing to believe? I don't think so!!!

System

Well, I can say, hand on heart, that I dont know anybody who holds the belief that being encouraged to believe in santa - or the tooth fairy, or the easter bunny - somehow damaged the parent- child relationship. Perhaps there was a deeper problem with the relationship if it is damaged as easily as that.

The truth spoken and meant with love never hurt anyone but a blatant lie on the other hand...

quidsy

The truth can & does hurt. this is about SANTA !!!!!!!

poet123

stir_crazy wrote: »

Well, I can say, hand on heart, that I dont know anybody who holds the belief that being encouraged to believe in santa - or the tooth fairy, or the easter bunny - somehow damaged the parent- child relationship. Perhaps there was a deeper problem with the relationship if it is damaged as easily as that.

Nor me. What a ridiculous idea. There are certainly much deeper seated issues there than Santa!!

Nicki wrote: »

My eldest child is almost 14 and we do Santa in this household. When he asked at around the age of 10, I told him Santa wasn't real and he agreed happily to keep the game going for his younger brother and sister.

We have no issues of trust. He knows that the Santa/tooth fairy tales were a fantasy that adults create for children but that for the big important things in life we will always be true to him.

Frankly if your child can't trust you and regards you as a liar and unreliable, that is ALL about you as a parent and NOTHING to do with what you chose to do about Santa when they were a baby. There are millions of us out there who believed in Santa as children and were able to go on to have stable trusting relationships with our parents. Just as there are thousands of f3ckless waste of space parents who couldn't have given a toss about creating a Santa experience for their kids!

In the grand scale of parenting this is a massive non issue. If you don't want to participate in the Santa ritual with your kids that's fine but please keep your pejorative judgmental comments about lying to yourself. The majority of us can bask in our kids joy and excitement on Christmas Day and the rest of you can let your smugness at being a better person keep you warm instead if you think that's what made your own child happiest on the day

Exactly!!:D

My sons are 29, 27, 25 and 16, and so the eldest ones kept Santa going for years after they didn't believe, and they loved it.....Every Christmas Eve we have a ritual family Santa Sack pic, and we have their friends calling round to get in on the action, big hefty men joining in the make believe, glass in hand.:rotfl: