How to beat the green eyed monster!

Christmasfairy

SavingPennies wrote: »

Its understandable that you are so upset, but if you are ranting and being unpleasant then you are likely to get a similar response from him, you said yourself "tit for tat", it becomes a vicious circle. Of course I realise your behaviour is a response to his behaviour, but if you are being a witch to be around as you say, its going to make him pretty miserable too.

Is there any way you can get someone to look after the kids for the night or a weekend so you can have some time alone to talk things through as calm as possible?

Last time we tried that I ended up walking out before we actually came to blows, whilst the kids are there we have to keep it under control.

Tbh if I we're to really let go and be 100% honest there would be nothing left to save.

Carl31

Would this situation be a problem if the person on the other end of his phone was male?

kitrat

Christmasfairy wrote: »

He doesn't see it that way, I will say something like if I'm not cooking your tea right! why don't you go round Julie's! see of she can cook you something. He replies with maybe if you were her we wouldn't have this problem? It's tit for tat I suppose, but I know he fancies her, he's said if he was single he would,

I think me being jealous is fueling the fire but I can't stop, it annoys me more than anything I feel like a bit of a mug tbh

My god I would be out of there in a flash. Who cares if he's getting 'what he wants' if you leave him, the only thing that matters is you get what YOU want! He's pathetic.

paddy's_mum

Christmasfairy wrote: »

Tbh if I we're to really let go and be 100% honest there would be nothing left to save.

Then surely you've answered your own question. If the marriage has indeed reached the end of the road, then nothing any counsellor says will make any difference. Nobody can wave a magic wand and make everything better for you all.

Perhaps the only way forward now is to sit down and discuss, sensibly, how to end the relationship and sort out the financial details so that the least harm is done to the innocent children.

There is life after separation but perhaps talking about what decisions to make, deciding who does what etc may be enough to frighten both of you witless, causing each of you to step back and assess things with wiser eyes.

I hope so because clearly, at the moment, none of you are in a happy or peaceful place. Good luck.

marisco_2

Christmasfairy wrote: »

He told me last week he will" replace me" if I don't buck up my ideas

What kind of fool says the above to the woman who he shares his life with and is the mother of his children! He is the one who ought to buck up his ideas. If he held you in any regard then he would be open to discuss anything that caused you anxiety or worry and want to put your mind at ease. Not be telling you that you are mental, it is all in your head and to sort yourself out or be replaced.

That you see yourself as a green eyed monster, rather than what you are; an astute woman well able to instinctively know when something is not right, speaks volumes about how much he has knocked your confidence and self esteem. My advice is that you should have a very long, hard think about whether this guy is really someone worth dedicating your life to.

Carl31

Op I think its worth considering some professional help. Extreme jealousy and insecurity usually stems from your past. The trouble is, the problems you are telling everyone on here about your partner are your version of events, they could of course be true, but could also be what you perceive to be true, this is where the damage lies, where confusion exists in what is really happening

Having gone through years of the same with my now wife, I speak with some experience. The problem is, with things the way they are, you will never trust your partner, and these problems will never go away

Christmasfairy

Carl31 wrote: »

Op I think its worth considering some professional help. Extreme jealousy and insecurity usually stems from your past. The trouble is, the problems you are telling everyone on here about your partner are your version of events, they could of course be true, but could also be what you perceive to be true, this is where the damage lies, where confusion exists in what is really happening

Having gone through years of the same with my now wife, I speak with some experience. The problem is, with things the way they are, you will never trust your partner, and these problems will never go away

I have had counselling, and at present am seeing a counsellor, however, she has also said that for my jealousy to ease, it can't be fed by another person, as I said he seems to get off on it.

But yes I agree I need to learn to reign it in

Carl31

marisco wrote: »

What kind of fool says the above to the woman who he shares his life with and is the mother of his children!

Someone that's possibly endured years of accusation and irrational behaviour from someone they wished would stop?

Or abuse from someone thats supposed to care about them, but instead is never trusted, and has seen their relationship fall apart for no real reason

We are only getting one view here, and potentially fueling one, already distorted, side of things

Christmasfairy

Carl31 wrote: »

Would this situation be a problem if the person on the other end of his phone was male?

Good question, yes in a way because he would still be putting someone else in front of his own family. But I don't think I would be as worried about the sex side of it...unless that opened up a whole new can of worms:rotfl:

Christmasfairy

Carl31 wrote: »

Someone that's possibly endured years of accusation and irrational behaviour from someone they wished would stop?

Or abuse from someone thats supposed to care about them, but instead is never trusted, and has seen their relationship fall apart for no real reason

We are only getting one view here, and potentially fueling one, already distorted, side of things

I can promise you, it has not been years, this is not the first time he has had this problem, his 2 previous relationships have ended for the same reason.

He feels his behaviour is acceptable, I don't. However, that doesn't make me irrational anymore than it means he's having a physical affair