How to beat the green eyed monster!

DUTR

Christmasfairy wrote: »

Thanks.

I was hoping everyone would think I was a bit bunny boiler tbh, I have a horrid gut feeling. For instance, right now he's texting away on his phone, I know the noise it makes when he's texting, I asked who, he said no one , the phone was thrown across the room and he stropped off. Sure enough there are no texts, but he was texting.
The phone goes everywhere with him. He's changed to online billing so I won't see the bills again.

Apparently if I was a half decent girlfriend I wouldn't think he was up to anything, because I'd be doing the job right.

Tbh, at this rate she welcome to the obnoxious fool

Are blokes allowed to answer on this thread?
He has already answered some of your fears, life isn't as exciting as it was when you met, time to find some you and him time, life isn't all about the children sometimes they will soon grow and leave the fold, let's be frank it can be boring/repetive, given a choice folk would not just choose one lifestyle, it's about balance.
Looks like you are both going to need to sit down and have a good chat.
Whether he leaves you or you leave him, the consequences will be the same. You won't rid yourself of jealous feelings entirely but if he is wise he won't dump on his own doorstep, so whilst the colleague maybe a friend, she may have a friend or aquantance that he could run off with ultimately.
Hopefully none of that will happen, good luck but remember the only person that knows what is going on in his mind is him, not a bunch of internet strangers

charlies-aunt

Christmasfairy wrote: »

Apparently if I was a half decent girlfriend I wouldn't think he was up to anything, because I'd be doing the job right.

:eek: :mad: :eek: :mad: :eek: :mad: :eek:

I'd say that your gut feeling was spot on tbh

If he was a half decent bloke, he wouldn't be playing games and messing with your head

sweetme

I don't think it's jealousy you're feeling but insecurity and he seems to be the cause of the insecurity, thanks to his behaviour, in my experience, if it continues your self esteem will suffer too.

He's doing wrong and he knows he is. He's trying to pass HIS insecurities to you, which, in effect, makes you think you're being overly jealous/sensitive.

Don't doubt any niggles or gut instincts you have.

He'll replace you? Emotional blackmail too. He has issues, not you, you've every right to feel how you do.

I'd be sitting down with him and telling him exactly how you feel/what you think. Face it head on. Sadly though, part of me thinks he is a bit of a coward and that won't be an easy task.

Good luck to you, I've been in a similar place, it's not easy.

Christmasfairy

Thanks for all the advice! I agree we don't spend enough time together, but he doesn't seem to realise that looking after kids is a job, my life is easy so he can't see why when the kids are in bed, I want to have a cup of tea and chill. Anyway he seems to be too tired to sit and watcha. Film or anything, but if I go to bed he can happily stay up till3/4 in the morning, he says playing on Xbox, but I hear his phone going off,
Lately when I walk in a room I feel like I'm disturbing him, tbh I'm a bit fed up of it.
If she's the first person he wants to talk to in the morning or after an accident etc, maybe he can take his clothes round there to be washed and see if she cooks his tea.
Maybe life isn't all roses and nights out. But financially I'm holding the fort right now and money is tight. He seems to think life should be like the movies, maybe that's what he's imaging in with her.

I'm not good enough, I'm criticised for everything, and it get the feeling he's looking for a way out.

But instead of just maning up he would rather blame me and make me feel like crap

meritaten

I think I would feel insecure in your place too. he tells another woman things before he tells you? she is doing his Christmas shopping for him? (is he paying her as a 'personal shopper'?), and he says he can 'replace' you as if you were an old fridge?
I cant believe how he 'disrespects' you! I wouldn't take it - but then, I am not you.
and as for him accusing you of jealousy - he has given 'cause' hasn't he?
I would think seriously about what YOU are getting out of this relationship, because to me it sounds like you are being 'gaslighted'. and the relationship is not happy.

SavingPennies_2

Is she his PA or secretary? Although buying your Christmas presents wouldn't come under this job role I could see how it could happen if this is the work relationship they have.

Her rather dramatic text about crying all night suggests to me she has feelings for him but perhaps as you suspect he hasn't acted on them yet, but he has given a warning he may leave, and it may well be into her arms.

You have a child together and children who I assume live with you and may see him as a father figure. I think you owe it to them to give this relationship a shot - both of you. Its time to sit down and talk, remaining as calm as you can, about how you can save this relationship. It may mean couples counselling, "date night", you being less jealous and him being more understanding, no more out of work contact with this woman, and generally making more time and effort for each other. If neither of you are prepared to do these things to save your relationship then to be honest the relationship may be doomed - "other woman" or not.

mwa

Sorry OP but if you are looking for opinions I'd say your gut instinct is spot on, the behaviour you have listed is highly suspicious (I have been there and my worst fears were realised). He is treating you very badly and if I were in your shoes I'd be doing more digging. Not the sign of a healthy relationship but that's what I'd do, he will deny it til he's blue in the face but look at what you've written and try to see it from a non-emotional point of view...

Christmasfairy

meritaten wrote: »

I think I would feel insecure in your place too. he tells another woman things before he tells you? she is doing his Christmas shopping for him? (is he paying her as a 'personal shopper'?), and he says he can 'replace' you as if you were an old fridge?
I cant believe how he 'disrespects' you! I wouldn't take it - but then, I am not you.
and as for him accusing you of jealousy - he has given 'cause' hasn't he?
I would think seriously about what YOU are getting out of this relationship, because to me it sounds like you are being 'gaslighted'. and the relationship is not happy.

My problem is hat she isn't the first person who I have felt he has crossed the line with, although this one is his type physically, tall blonde skinny, the exact opposite of me, which he gladly told me, several times.
At times, I think he actually like making me feel so insecure, it's almost like he finds it amusing. It used to really eat at me, to the point I would feel sick and not be able to think straight.

Recently all I feel is a bit p'd off like, if you want to spend your time chatting to her and telling her everything, go do it somewhere else.

So he told me sort my jealousy out or this will not last. I'm now wondering if I even want it to. But then maybe that's what he wants me to do

Christmasfairy

SavingPennies wrote: »

Is she his PA or secretary? Although buying your Christmas presents wouldn't come under this job role I could see how it could happen if this is the work relationship they have.

Her rather dramatic text about crying all night suggests to me she has feelings for him but perhaps as you suspect he hasn't acted on them yet, but he has given a warning he may leave, and it may well be into her arms.

You have a child together and children who I assume live with you and may see him as a father figure. I think you owe it to them to give this relationship a shot - both of you. Its time to sit down and talk, remaining as calm as you can, about how you can save this relationship. It may mean couples counselling, "date night", you being less jealous and him being more understanding, no more out of work contact with this woman, and generally making more time and effort for each other. If neither of you are prepared to do these things to save your relationship then to be honest the relationship may be doomed - "other woman" or not.

No she's a work colleague, they work in the same office, I was just a bit put out, I'd rather he said, look I'm snowed under can you sort the kids out or order something online. Getting her to pick pressies when he knows what I think was like a massive kick in the teeth really.

He claims not to contact her outside of work, I know he does, but if he doesn't admit it how can I ask him to stop. Date night would only work if it meant me being someone else I'm afraid. He is just disappointed with his life with me, I think, now I try and look form the outside in, I'm fighting a losing battle.

slightlyconfused1

I used to work with a guy that I immediately became really good friends with. We just clicked straight away but.....

My dh knew all about him. My office was very social so we did go out in groups but although dh wasn't included in those nights he would often come and collect me and give this chap a lift home too. I would chat about him just the same as I chatted about the girls. My point is there was no secrecy no hiding because he was a work pal and tbh I didn't think of him as a man.

Surely if this woman is just someone he gets on well with he would be talking about her. The secrecy is what rings alarm bells not the fact that he has a female friend.

Trust your instincts.