Girlfriend's close male friend...

Tropez

ValHaller wrote: »

Conversely most "cast iron 100% gold plated guarantees" are no more than opinions.

An opinion is a judgement supported by facts. There were no facts presented in this person's argument that correlate with the facts presented in the OP; there was nothing written in the OP that would indicate that the male friend had an interest beyond friendship in the OP's girlfriend. Therefore, this clearly extends beyond the OP and to the oft-repeated yet purely nonsensical view that a heterosexual male could not in any possibility engage in a long-term, purely platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex without having sexual feelings towards them.

In the absence of supporting evidence and in the knowledge that the underlying sentiment of the statement is wrong due to the evidence I put forth this statement is not an opinion but a prejudice; an argument based on insufficient or non-existent evidence and as such can be tested and disproved based on facts.

westham911

Hello everyone

Just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply I haven't been on here for a while so excuse my manners.

It is still something that troubles me, i think I feel their friendship is entering into areas that should be exclusive to just us but maybe I'm wrong.

I don't expect my gf to report everything to me but I do find it troubling that she has met with this friend and not mentioned it at the time (I only found out when she mentioned it by mistake and even then she had a guilty look on her face but I just left it because I don't like arguing with her).

She is a kind person generally but she definitely does go out of her way to help this particular friend.

Anyway it is something I will have to resolve in my own time in terms of how much of a big deal it is. Thanks once again all!

heartbreak_star

Thanks for the update.

Good luck!

HBS x

j.e.j.

westham911 wrote: »

Hello everyone

Just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply I haven't been on here for a while so excuse my manners.

It is still something that troubles me, i think I feel their friendship is entering into areas that should be exclusive to just us but maybe I'm wrong.

I don't expect my gf to report everything to me but I do find it troubling that she has met with this friend and not mentioned it at the time (I only found out when she mentioned it by mistake and even then she had a guilty look on her face but I just left it because I don't like arguing with her).

She is a kind person generally but she definitely does go out of her way to help this particular friend.

Anyway it is something I will have to resolve in my own time in terms of how much of a big deal it is. Thanks once again all!

Trust your instincts, mate
You are there, we aren't. You can see her, you can sense what's going on (or not) and you can judge the body-language, etc.

One thing that's coming though what you've written here is that you are not happy with the situation.

skivenov

It's strange, but it happens, my best mate is the girl I was with for about 5-6 years in our late teens. We're both in our 30's now, she's married with kids, I've been with my girlfriend for a while. As far as attraction goes, we've been there and done that, but we've known each other for most of our lives, and we're just great friends.

When they first got together, her boyfriend (now her husband) was a bit like you are about it, and it took a long time for him to accept us as we are, but he's got used to it.

dandelionclock30

You sound very controlling Im afraid to say, she doesnt have to mention to you when shes seeing her friends. Shes in a relationship with you, not in prison.
Most women these days will not be totally under the thumb and like doing what they want.

Brighton_belle

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

You sound very controlling Im afraid to say, she doesnt have to mention to you when shes seeing her friends. Shes in a relationship with you, not in prison.
Most women these days will not be totally under the thumb and like doing what they want.

Can't agree he sounds remotely controlling. . Of course she doesn't have to tell him, but to me, part of creating a trusting a supportive bond with a partner is not to keep secrets about where you go and why.

opinions4u

Secrecy destroys relationships.

AcidHouse

Hi Westham911

This friend has probably seen her through some rough times, and she feels loyal to them as a result, I don't know. I'm just speculating, as I am with this response... as I don't know your gf, please don't take the below as an attack on her as a person, I'm just saying that some women get their kicks in weird ways & could this be the problem...

It sounds to me as if your gf is getting some kind of twisted, smug satisfaction out of your jealousy of her closeness level to this friend - your reactions show her you care and don't want to lose her. It ticks her 'relationship security' box.

Her telling you that people have often asked if they are a couple, and telling you that she shares things with him that she hasn't with you... is just asking for an argument. She is provoking you intentionally and it works, because you end up arguing with her over it. Which proves to her that you're bothered about her & don't want to lose her. Bingo, she's pushed your emotional buttons and got her reassurance, but has upset you in the process, and is damaging the relationship over a friend.

However - Her true thoughts on 'can men/women really just be friends' slip out when she shows her jealousy about you going to lunch occasionally with some female colleagues. This makes her appear to be a double-standard, attention-seeking hypocrite.

My advice would be to not argue with her over him anymore, respond with the opposite attitude.
For example, if she says "I spoke to xxx today and I'm taking him to xxx on Sunday" and it means your weekend plans with her are cancelled, just say that's fine. Stop reacting to her verbal bait, and watch how she reacts to you not reacting to what she's said about him. If anything, it's better than having a row.

Keep us posted & good luck x