Why doesn't he want to marry me?

balletshoes

an9i77 wrote: »

So...is this about me or the concept of marriage itself? Anyone out there who loves their partner to bits but still doesn't want to get married? and why not?

thanks

I love my partner to bits, we've been together for 13 years, have a 12-year old DD, and I'll be completely honest, the only reason we got married was for red tape reasons. If it hadn't been for the legal protection marriage offered us, I wouldn't have got married at all.
It doesn't, to me, prove that you love someone more or are more committed to them just because you have that marriage certificate.

poet123

notanewuser wrote: »

To one degree or another, yes I do. Just look at the post above yours.

I don't even think most women know they are coercing, to be honest!!!

The fact that some men do need co ercing is not the same as saying most.

I have five nieces and the last one gets married in Feb next year. Of the last three who got married all of their fiances were definitely the driving force, and on fb last night the latest groom to be had a sign on his status saying "94 days till we become Mr&Mrs x"

And my OH proposed after 8 weeks and we have been married 32 years.

So I don't think that all or even most men do need coercion.

balletshoes

shop-to-drop wrote: »

I don't understand why people say having kids is more of a commitment to a relationship than marriage. People have kids all the time without any commitment to each other.

and people commit to weddings, huge and small, and then separate/get divorced.
I do believe, if both father and mother plan to have a child together, thats more of a commitment to each other than a marriage - because by having a child together, even if you don't stay a couple together, you'll be in each others lives to some extent because of that child for the rest of his/her life.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

While I agree with you for the most part, this idea has definitely not gone away! Watch a few romantic comedies for examples of how women are still buying into the idea of 'catching a man' being an achievement, and every woman's ultimate goal.

The idea is still out there but it's not being "taught" like it was in previous ages when girls were expected to do cooking, childcare and home management at school and were discouraged from going into further education because it would be wasted when they became wives and mothers!

If some girls want to go down the route of catching a man and being "looked after", that's their choice.

And having the choice is what's important. Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to live their lives in any one particular way just because they were born female (or male).

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

The idea is still out there but it's not being "taught" like it was in previous ages when girls were expected to do cooking, childcare and home management at school and were discouraged from going into further education because it would be wasted when they became wives and mothers!

If some girls want to go down the route of catching a man and being "looked after", that's their choice.

And having the choice is what's important. Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to live their lives in any one particular way just because they were born female (or male).

Yes, well we've come a long way, but IMO perhaps not quite as far a you think we have.

poet123

Mojisola wrote: »

The idea is still out there but it's not being "taught" like it was in previous ages when girls were expected to do cooking, childcare and home management at school and were discouraged from going into further education because it would be wasted when they became wives and mothers!

If some girls want to go down the route of catching a man and being "looked after", that's their choice.

And having the choice is what's important. Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to live their lives in any one particular way just because they were born female (or male).

I agree in part, it was a conditioning, but the bit in bold was expressed in a thread (by a women) only this week. So, it has not entirely gone away.

Errata

Has women proposing to men become illegal ?

bluebeary

ive been with my partner ten years, weve lived together for about the same time, we have cats !

i dont want to get married yet, were happy as we are, maybe when were more settled and in our 50s we might

meritaten

I have seen the devastating effect that not being married can have if a partner dies. friends of ours lived together for more than twenty years and he died suddenly leaving no will. not only did his partner have her grief to cope with - she was left homeless and penniless! which wouldn't have happened if they had been married! he laboured under the delusion that 'common law wife' was a legal status! which it isn't!

SkintGypsy

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Sorry, but what if one strongly disagrees with it and one strongly agrees with it...then what?

Why should ones views be stronger than the others?

Did she say he had strong views against marriage? I must have missed that. I thought she said he'd strung her along and then just said no.