We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Why doesn't he want to marry me?

Options
1679111242

Comments

  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    an9i77 wrote: »
    So...is this about me or the concept of marriage itself? Anyone out there who loves their partner to bits but still doesn't want to get married? and why not?

    thanks

    I love my partner to bits, we've been together for 13 years, have a 12-year old DD, and I'll be completely honest, the only reason we got married was for red tape reasons. If it hadn't been for the legal protection marriage offered us, I wouldn't have got married at all.
    It doesn't, to me, prove that you love someone more or are more committed to them just because you have that marriage certificate.
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    To one degree or another, yes I do. Just look at the post above yours.

    I don't even think most women know they are coercing, to be honest!!!

    The fact that some men do need co ercing is not the same as saying most.

    I have five nieces and the last one gets married in Feb next year. Of the last three who got married all of their fiances were definitely the driving force, and on fb last night the latest groom to be had a sign on his status saying "94 days till we become Mr&Mrs x"

    And my OH proposed after 8 weeks and we have been married 32 years.

    So I don't think that all or even most men do need coercion.
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    I don't understand why people say having kids is more of a commitment to a relationship than marriage. People have kids all the time without any commitment to each other.

    and people commit to weddings, huge and small, and then separate/get divorced.
    I do believe, if both father and mother plan to have a child together, thats more of a commitment to each other than a marriage - because by having a child together, even if you don't stay a couple together, you'll be in each others lives to some extent because of that child for the rest of his/her life.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Person_one wrote: »
    While I agree with you for the most part, this idea has definitely not gone away! Watch a few romantic comedies for examples of how women are still buying into the idea of 'catching a man' being an achievement, and every woman's ultimate goal.

    The idea is still out there but it's not being "taught" like it was in previous ages when girls were expected to do cooking, childcare and home management at school and were discouraged from going into further education because it would be wasted when they became wives and mothers!

    If some girls want to go down the route of catching a man and being "looked after", that's their choice.

    And having the choice is what's important. Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to live their lives in any one particular way just because they were born female (or male).
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Mojisola wrote: »
    The idea is still out there but it's not being "taught" like it was in previous ages when girls were expected to do cooking, childcare and home management at school and were discouraged from going into further education because it would be wasted when they became wives and mothers!

    If some girls want to go down the route of catching a man and being "looked after", that's their choice.

    And having the choice is what's important. Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to live their lives in any one particular way just because they were born female (or male).

    Yes, well we've come a long way, but IMO perhaps not quite as far a you think we have.
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    Mojisola wrote: »
    The idea is still out there but it's not being "taught" like it was in previous ages when girls were expected to do cooking, childcare and home management at school and were discouraged from going into further education because it would be wasted when they became wives and mothers!

    If some girls want to go down the route of catching a man and being "looked after", that's their choice.

    And having the choice is what's important. Women (and men) shouldn't be expected to live their lives in any one particular way just because they were born female (or male).

    I agree in part, it was a conditioning, but the bit in bold was expressed in a thread (by a women) only this week. So, it has not entirely gone away.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Has women proposing to men become illegal ?
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • bluebeary
    bluebeary Posts: 7,904 Forumite
    ive been with my partner ten years, weve lived together for about the same time, we have cats !

    i dont want to get married yet, were happy as we are, maybe when were more settled and in our 50s we might
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    I have seen the devastating effect that not being married can have if a partner dies. friends of ours lived together for more than twenty years and he died suddenly leaving no will. not only did his partner have her grief to cope with - she was left homeless and penniless! which wouldn't have happened if they had been married! he laboured under the delusion that 'common law wife' was a legal status! which it isn't!
  • Sorry, but what if one strongly disagrees with it and one strongly agrees with it...then what?

    Why should ones views be stronger than the others?

    Did she say he had strong views against marriage? I must have missed that. I thought she said he'd strung her along and then just said no.
    Debt free as of July 2010 :j
    £147,174.00/£175,000
    Eating an elephant, one bite at a time
    £147,000 in 100 months!
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 350.7K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 243.7K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 598.5K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 176.8K Life & Family
  • 256.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.