Why doesn't he want to marry me?

GwylimT

So you think a piece of paper is going to magic away your insecurities?

If you wanted the same name as your children you should have given them your surname, changed your name, or you should have got married before you had them if a piece of paper and a ring have that much meaning to you.

A marriage doesn't make a relationship, if you think its something you desperately need are you actually just attempting to cover up problems?

Person_one

It must be exasperating for the poor OP to keep having people tell her she should have waited to be married to have her first child.

Unless you have a time machine and a condom handy, its not the most useful advice!

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

Can you ask the office why? Both parents made them, why does dad always get to 'label' them?

Just catching up.

We've been married 10 years, I have not changed my name or title.

DD is 3, and has her dad's surname. I agreed to that for 2 reasons - 1) my connection to her is stronger than any name. She's the only person to have ever heard my heartbeat from the inside. DH cant have that connection, and for him this was the next best thing. 2) she has my surname as a 2nd middle name. It's therein the background. If for any reason she ever wanted to use it rather than her father's she can.

Pee

I've lived with two people properly and one as a student was as good as. I think that once it settles down there is no urge and no need to get married. Maybe just me. I've always been clear I didn't want to get married. That seems to be a good way of getting proposals.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

It must be exasperating for the poor OP to keep telling her she should have waited to be married to have her first child.

Unless you have a time machine and a condom handy, its not the most useful advice!

Perhaps not, but you have to wonder why people don't sort out the fundamentals before taking life changing steps like having children.

Vicky123

Retrogamer wrote: »

Again i try and approach these things from an ubiased view.

It sounds to me from the OP's post that her partner doesn't want to marry anyone. It's nothing personal towards her.

Also, see my point. What's more important. Being married, or being with someone you love. Leaving someone you love because you want to get married comes across as marriage is more important.

A rough way of putting it would be
" i know everything is great with our relationship, and i know you don't want to get married and i do love you, but i'm going to have to leave you and gamble my chances of finding someone else i'll love the same way because i want to get married and that's more important to me than you not wanting to get married"

That's a bit of a cop out though, she isn't anyone, she's the woman he loves enough to have children with, and if he would be prepared for her to walk rather than marry when he claims to be comitted to the relationship then something doesn't add up.
I would draw my own conclusions and either accept he doesn't love me enough to make me happy or accept the situation, never mention it again and be sure always to make sure I consider my position as the priority in future decisions, and we all know where that leads.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Perhaps not, but you have to wonder why people don't sort out the fundamentals before taking life changing steps like having children.

She didn't make a deliberate decision though, whatever your thoughts on pill failures, she's told us it was an accident not a choice. I know you well enough to know you wouldn't have advocated abortion, so what are you suggesting she could have done?

j.e.j.

The first child was 'unplanned', but obviously wanted, then she went and had a second one.

GwylimT

Person_one wrote: »

She didn't make a deliberate decision though, whatever your thoughts on pill failures, she's told us it was an accident not a choice. I know you well enough to know you wouldn't have advocated abortion, so what are you suggesting she could have done?

Erm, not have sex? I doubt it was immaculate conception.

Person_one

GwylimT wrote: »

Erm, not have sex? I doubt it was immaculate conception.

So anybody not actively planning a child should be abstinent?