Why doesn't he want to marry me?

j.e.j.

I haven't read all the thread but if marriage was important to you, OP, you ought really to have pressed the matter BEFORE you had 2 children by him. If he doesn't want to get married he's got doubts about being committed to you long-term. I can't think what other reason there would be, especially given the legal advantages being married to someone has.

suesue81

Errata wrote: »

Those are valid points, and the crux of the matter is that he doesn't want to marry her, not that he never wants to marry.

Think this is an interesting thread, because it could be about my sister. She has 3 kids and wants to git married, her partner doesn't. No particular reason. They have been toether for 10years and are happy, except for this. And she really wants to get married.

Retrogamer

Vicky123 wrote: »

I think it's more likely that attending friends weddings drives home the point that he doesn't care enough and he will surely know this.
She's having to pretend she doesn't mind or alternatively tell everyone who says "your turn next" he doesn't want to marry her!

Again i try and approach these things from an ubiased view.

It sounds to me from the OP's post that her partner doesn't want to marry anyone. It's nothing personal towards her.

Also, see my point. What's more important. Being married, or being with someone you love. Leaving someone you love because you want to get married comes across as marriage is more important.

A rough way of putting it would be
" i know everything is great with our relationship, and i know you don't want to get married and i do love you, but i'm going to have to leave you and gamble my chances of finding someone else i'll love the same way because i want to get married and that's more important to me than you not wanting to get married"

lostinrates

Retrogamer wrote: »

Also, see my point. What's more important. Being married, or being with someone you love. Leaving someone you love because you want to get married comes across as marriage is more important.
"

I'd say being emotionally secure trumps both options.

That could be cohabiting, married or single, but not wanting what you don't have but being afraid to rick the boat. I'd opt for feeling content in myself alone than being with anyone who made me feel my wants were undervalued without thorough explanation where they contradict with a partners, and attempt to reach compromise.

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

or to quote Benny Hill

Now look.. why should I buy a book when there's a thriving lending library in the town

:rotfl:

Funny but true.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

Statistics show that on average unmarried partnerships have a shorter shelf life than marriages.

Well yeah, but I think that's a very misused statistic. How many of those couples had made a conscious decision to stay together permanently without marrying and how many just failed before they got to that stage,when one or both partners realised this wasn't the right person for the rest of their life after al Most of us have several relationships before our 'final' one these days.

j.e.j.

Person_one wrote: »

Well yeah, but I think that's a very misused statistic. How many of those couples had made a conscious decision to stay together permanently without marrying and how many just failed before they got to that stage,when one or both partners realised this wasn't the right person for the rest of their life after al Most of us have several relationships before our 'final' one these days.

And that's totally fine.. except where they're having a child by each partner along the way!

Errata

Person_one wrote: »

Well yeah, but I think that's a very misused statistic. How many of those couples had made a conscious decision to stay together permanently without marrying and how many just failed before they got to that stage,when one or both partners realised this wasn't the right person for the rest of their life after al Most of us have several relationships before our 'final' one these days.

Are you saying most women shack up with several blokes before they decide that the last one is the final one?

stir_crazy

I don't think it's fair to say that the OP has given her OH "too much too soon". I'm of an age now where most of my friends have settled down, and I would say the ones who have had children before getting married are certainly in the majority. In fact, the only friend with children who isn't married is planning their wedding for next year. It seems to be almost the norm now for people to live together and have children before marriage.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

Are you saying most women shack up with several blokes before they decide that the last one is the final one?

Well yeah!

I've shacked up with two, the point was to see if we could stand to live together, we couldn't. There's no way in hell I'd ever marry somebody without at least a year or two of cohabitation, and that's how most of my peers feel too.