Why doesn't he want to marry me?

Vicky123

Retrogamer wrote: »

Because it's not as important to some people as it is to others
They can have a committed satisfying and trustful relationship without it.

For me it would be simply asking someone why they couldn't have the above without marriage and if they could provide convincing reasons then i'd change my mind.

If it's not for religious reasons you can have parties, share things and change names ect without being married.

It's not as important anymore as it used to be IMO

If he loves this woman and is so committed, then what's important to her would matter, if the commitment is there then it begs the question why is he refusing? What does he fear? I would understand if it was a disagreement over church or registry office but if it's the bit of paper argument then why can't she have the bit of paper that means so much to her and would make her happy even if it means nothing to him?

lostinrates

Retrogamer wrote: »

Because it's not as important to some people as it is to others
They can have a committed satisfying and trustful relationship without it.

For me it would be simply asking someone why they couldn't have the above without marriage and if they could provide convincing reasons then i'd change my mind.

If it's not for religious reasons you can have parties, share things and change names ect without being married.

It's not as important anymore as it used to be IMO

Besides the fiscal benefits ....


I want no one other than my husband making my NOK decisions, Before we were married this was not automatic despite my request at the outset, once we were married it was never questioned again.

In our life we have had plenty of warning that this might be an issue for us again. Sadly, many people don't get this warning. I am so glad its something lots of people don't face, like bugslet, but I would hate to be reading a story like mine where the 'boyfriend' were being treated like a squeeze, not a life partner and before all others in decision making if that's what they wanted.

paulineb_2

Some people dont want to get married, thats the bottom line, you could look at it that he should do it for her, but if he doesnt want to, why should he?

Ive never been anti marriage, but I saw my mum be divorced twice, her second marriage was awful, violent. Has it put me off, I would say somewhere, deep down, yes, but in saying that, I almost got married at 18, its been later on in life Ive thought that if I met someone Id be happy to live with someone

Im not knocking marriage, Im just saying that shes not wrong for wanting it and hes not wrong for not.

seven-day-weekend

Vicky123 wrote: »

If he loves this woman and is so committed, then what's important to her would matter, if the commitment is there then it begs the question why is he refusing? What does he fear? I would understand if it was a disagreement over church or registry office but if it's the bit of paper argument then why can't she have the bit of paper that means so much to her and would make her happy even if it means nothing to him?

Absolutely.

Kynthia

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I always wonder how many of those 'unplanned', 'mistake', how-did-that-happen-when-I-was-on-the-pill pregnancies were actually 'planned' as leverage to get a partner to commit.

MSE just seems full of the 'I fell pregnant' scenarios yet, in real life, I know of only one 'accident' in all of my colleagues, family and friends (over nearly 5 decades!).

The reality is that if you absolutely shouldn't get pregnant then use a 'belt AND braces' approach.

I think I'm less cynical than you as I think only a small, but possibly still significant, percentage of these 'accidental while on the pill' pregnancies were planned by the woman. There's the issue that the pill isn't 100% effective. When you think about how many women take it and for how many cycles over the years, it's not surprising that many of us know someone for who it failed. Then add in that the mini pill must be taken within the same few hours every day, so is more likely to be taken incorrectly occasionally particularly when you factor in time differences when going on holiday. Certain medications and supplements affect the effectivenes as well as a bowt of sickness or diarrhea. Young people are particularly blas! with taking it correctly, and tend to drink more and therefore vomit or forget to take it. So there's lots of possibilities.

Errata

Vicky123 wrote: »

If he loves this woman and is so committed, then what's important to her would matter, if the commitment is there then it begs the question why is he refusing? What does he fear? I would understand if it was a disagreement over church or registry office but if it's the bit of paper argument then why can't she have the bit of paper that means so much to her and would make her happy even if it means nothing to him?

Those are valid points, and the crux of the matter is that he doesn't want to marry her, not that he never wants to marry.

paulineb_2

Errata wrote: »

Those are valid points, and the crux of the matter is that he doesn't want to marry her, not that he never wants to marry.

None of us know that for sure, he might not want to get married to anyone, full stop.

paulineb_2

Also, some people who have been together for 4 years arent talking marriage at that stage, take the kids out of the equation and it doesnt necessarily mean that if you are in a long term relationship, marriage would necessarily be on the cards. Some people get married in a few months, some get married after 10 years

My brother is living with someone, been together 8 years, not married and happy. It is possible to be in a relationship that lasts the distance without the wedding.

Retrogamer

Vicky123 wrote: »

If he loves this woman and is so committed, then what's important to her would matter, if the commitment is there then it begs the question why is he refusing? What does he fear? I would understand if it was a disagreement over church or registry office but if it's the bit of paper argument then why can't she have the bit of paper that means so much to her and would make her happy even if it means nothing to him?

On the other hand if someone leaves someone they love because they won't marry, then it seems being married is more important than being with the person they love.


I see it as a status thing. A lot of women seem to be keen for it because they feel like society judges them unfairly if they're not married.
They feel as if they will no longer fit in with their friends because their friends are all married but they're not.
Or, they mistrust their partner due to insecurities and think marriage will resolve this.

To me, it seems like a status thing that's needed to either brag / show off or some people need it to feel inclusive.

paulineb_2

One of my friends is getting married next year, hes 40 and shes a few years younger, theyve been together 15 years and living together for 10, I actually think its good theyve decided in their own time to get wed and not be pressured into it by people who expected them to do it sooner.