Why doesn't he want to marry me?

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

NOK doesn't bother me either, because I completely trust my parents to be acting in my best interests, and they would defer to OH anyway. OH doesn't have any parents, and I'm listed as his NOK.

Most do, but sometimes people can have very different ideas about what 'best interests' means.

lostinrates

bugslet wrote: »

Thanks lir, but it was fine, I guessed someone might ask a question in relation to my post - no point posting if you aren't prepared to follow through so to speak!
p.

I know you are more than capable, and I beg your forgiveness for jumping in, I just wanted to have people tread softly around you, I know you are strong, and vital and certainly better communicator than i but sometimes one should not have to always be robust.

bugslet

No forgiveness needed at all, it was very thoughtful

heartbreak_star

Just wanted to send you a hug, bugslet.

HBS x

MoneySavingMamma

daisiegg wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't understand how you could have thought you were too young for marriage, but not too young to have children and a mortgage?

First baby was unplanned, born when I was 19, the plan was to be engaged at 21, after university. The engagement never happened because of the change in relationship.
We felt when I was 16/17/18 it was too young, which in most cases is true, but looking back, I wish we had done it then, before the hard stuff came!

The mortgage happened only because of the baby, and in his name.

thriftylass

Not read the full thread but just the first post. We've been together 10 years, second baby on the way, bought house together etc. He always said kids are the greater commitment and what difference does a signature on paper make. Well guess what, he finally proposed this February (I had given up by then and stopped saying anything) and we'll get married next year. He even wants to do it properly now rather than just low key.

I felt unsecure about this a long time despite the fact we had planned/ had a child together. He always assured me that I shouldn't worry he is committed just without the piece of paper and I just accepted it as he was more important than a marriage certificate. Also I made sure that we at least had the financial side sorted (life insureances, wills etc) and DS has both our names.

My point, there is hope. Mine was so negative about it and being ask by me or others actually put him off. Not sure what else changed but here we go. So don't give up hope yet but maybe let the topic go for a while. Good luck

catkins

paulineb wrote: »

Accidents do happen. My friend got pregnant while on the pill, she married her partner, they were always intending to get married. The only way not to ensure getting pregnant is not to have sex in the first place.

Im just not sure its a good idea to have such strong views about having kids before marriage being wrong, because if someone is having sex, even with contraception, that contraception could fail.

I said in my post that yes, of course, accidents happen. I know no contraception is 100% effective BUT the amount of "accidents" should not be as high as it seems to be. There are plenty of methods of contraception and plenty of women who manage not to get pregnant until they want to.

Saturnalia

catkins wrote: »

I said in my post that yes, of course, accidents happen. I know no contraception is 100% effective BUT the amount of "accidents" should not be as high as it seems to be. There are plenty of methods of contraception and plenty of women who manage not to get pregnant until they want to.

It always seems to be the pill that fails as well. How any woman can trust it as her only contraceptive is beyond me.

daisiegg

Saturnalia wrote: »

It always seems to be the pill that fails as well. How any woman can trust it as her only contraceptive is beyond me.

The pill, when taken correctly, is over 99% effective. You just have to have half a brain and follow the instructions in the pack. I have 'trusted the pill as my only contraceptive' for a decade and managed never to get pregnant, and there are many other women in the same position!

heartbreak_star

I never completely trusted the pill or mini-pill...but for part of the time I was taking it I was bulimic which explains that

I have always felt more secure with Depo or Mirena.

HBS x