Wife spends more time with her dad than with her kids

Person_one

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Probably, you can see it all the time two threads one by a man one by a woman about very similar topics, man will be told its his fault, woman will be told they are abused

Personally, I find it rather infuriating when posters like nimbo, and baroley and jansus, and many others have taken the time to write sensitive, honest, heartfelt posts about their own experiences and the very understandable reasons why they feel the OP needs to be more supportive of his wife, and their contributions are just dismissed as 'siding with the woman'.

thorsoak

Sky hasn't posted since I asked him who was interacting with his children on the evening that he was on, complaining that his OH gave the children no attention and was visiting her father.....

System

Weekends and weekdays, if she is not working, involves visiting him, doing house work, clothes shopping and spending time with her friends.

I can understand her wanting to be there for her Father, i'd have done the same but how many clothes does a woman need? Oh and I certainly think she ought to prioritise the needs of her husband and family before spending time with her friends especially as she is spending such a large amount of time with her Father.

Dunroamin

Judi wrote: »

I can understand her wanting to be there for her Father, i'd have done the same but how many clothes does a woman need? Oh and I certainly think she ought to prioritise the needs of her husband and family before spending time with her friends especially as she is spending such a large amount of time with her Father.

Children need clothes on a fairly regular basis, you know.;)

Why are women always supposed to put their own needs last, behind those of absolutely everybody else?

Bennifred

Maybe she's choosing to spend time with her friends because they treat her as an individual, are supportive and take her mind off her troubles for a while? The shopping is just an excuse to be out of the house and with her friends, who maybe don't ask of her more than she can give at the moment.

neverdespairgirl

I grew up in a 1950s style domestic arrangement, whereby my Dad worked more than full-time, and my mother did everything at home - cooking, cleaning, shopping, changing lightbulbs, everything. In fact, she did most of the traditional male role 1950s stuff too - all bills, tax returns, sorting out car services, everything. I'm the eldest of 4 children.

When my maternal grandfather was dying of cancer, over a period of a few months, my mother was hardly there. She went pretty much every day to see them, support her mother, spend time with her father, all the rest of it.

I was 9, so my sisters were 8 and 4, and my brother was 3. I remember it as being an upsetting time - I was used to my mother being at home, not used to her being upset and away so much.

But I also remember, very clearly, my Dad being utterly supportive of her, and doing his best at home. I remember one Saturday, my mother had left early, and he had dressed my brother in pink tights so we could all go the park, and we were all laughing at him (my Dad's very much the stereo type absent-minded professor, who kisses the boiled egg and whacks a family member on the head at breakfast).

He said something like, "while Grandad's ill, and Mummy's not at home because she's looking after him and Granny, we're all just muddle through, and then make sure Mummy gets time to relax and get some sleep when she comes home. After all, she always looks after all of us, it's our turn to look after her."

I'm sure it was much easier for all of us children because my Dad (who must have been tired, over-worked, and worried, too) never, ever gave a hint that he was anything other than 100% supportive of our mother, and that she was doing the right thing.

paddy's_mum

SKYDT wrote: »

blames me for all and sundry, including not supporting her.

I'd be interested to hear of other people's experiences......

I have one more comment - that's if I'm allowed, of course

My experience suggests to me that your marriage is on the rocks and that she is one unhappy woman who stays for the sake of the kids.

I'll say it once again. You have two choices. Accept her for who she is and for the good in her or refuse to deal with the realities of how things actually are and start divorce proceedings. Does it hurt to keep banging your head on a brick wall?

Your call. Good luck.

[Deleted User]

The fact is OP that what you are doing right now is not working. You are unhappy, she is unhappy, your children are feeling a bit lost.

So something needs to change.

But for something to change, someONE needs to see the need to change things in themselves, not just their other half. I don't see much of that in any of these posts. And I have to be honest, I found the posts re what your OH fills her day with and your lack of understanding /acceptance of her needs a little bit patronising. It seems like if she won't do things your way, its not the right way. Please don't disregard my post because I haven't supported your beliefs.., I am writing what I believe.

But to repeat myself, what you are doing now is not working. Change something.

burnoutbabe

do you think she would be bothered if you divorced and had the kids? would she want to see them?

As it really doesn't sound like husband and kids is what she wants at all in her life and would be happier single.

You can't do much now (due to circumstances) but I'd be looking at some marriage counseling in the future.

nimbo

mellymoo74 wrote: »

MSE can be a great place see wiggy or tayforth threads but it also has a tendency to automatically side with the woman why?

You see I didn't think I was 'siding with the woman' I was more on the Grandad's side... (if it had to be about sides at all)...