Wife spends more time with her dad than with her kids

Somerset

poet123 wrote: »

Usually the one who states xyz supports their contention with evidence.

There we go. Ten minutes of my life I won't get back.


I think you OP are feeling neglected and unloved......'Almost' correct. Whilst I nearly agree with you, I am more concerned for our children being neglected, than for myself #49


I DO want to arrange 'date nights' as you suggest, but whilst that would fulfill any of 'my' needs it does nothing for my children #49


I love my wife, and fancy her # 88


We just all 'miss' her #110


So where did he mention missing his wife as a woman or wanting to spend time with her as a couple?


Seems clear to me he'd love his wife to be enjoy spending time with him. But his fear is that the children know they are being ignored and that's his primary concern. He's putting his children's needs first.

poet123

I think the point was most of those were responses to other posters, not unsolicited comments from the OP. There is a difference.

mellymoo74

MSE can be a great place see wiggy or tayforth threads but it also has a tendency to automatically side with the woman why?

supersaver2

mellymoo74 wrote: »

MSE can be a great place see wiggy or tayforth threads but it also has a tendency to automatically side with the woman why?

Because the vast majority who post are women is my bet!

mellymoo74

Probably, you can see it all the time two threads one by a man one by a woman about very similar topics, man will be told its his fault, woman will be told they are abused

Dunroamin

Somerset wrote: »

There we go. Ten minutes of my life I won't get back.


I think you OP are feeling neglected and unloved......'Almost' correct. Whilst I nearly agree with you, I am more concerned for our children being neglected, than for myself #49


I DO want to arrange 'date nights' as you suggest, but whilst that would fulfill any of 'my' needs it does nothing for my children #49


I love my wife, and fancy her # 88


We just all 'miss' her #110


So where did he mention missing his wife as a woman or wanting to spend time with her as a couple?


Seems clear to me he'd love his wife to be enjoy spending time with him. But his fear is that the children know they are being ignored and that's his primary concern. He's putting his children's needs first.

Thank you for taking the time.:D

However, those are minimal and rather begrudging comments compared to all his whining about the children. If I were his wife, they wouldn't convince me.

supersaver2

Dunroamin wrote: »

Thank you for taking the time.:D

However, those are minimal and rather begrudging comments compared to all his whining about the children. If I were his wife, they wouldn't convince me.

So you'll admit you did miss the comments, even if they don't live up to your standards!

Dunroamin

supersaver2 wrote: »

So you'll admit you did miss the comments, even if they don't live up to your standards!

Of course. I think I said I might have missed them.

baroley

Sorry SKYDT, I have read a lot of the posts but not all so may well have missed something.

Some things I have picked up on are that, although the very first concern in your first post was that your wife was spending too much time with her father, does not now appear to be what is underlying problem. I have to agree that this is not the time to be anything other than supportive to your wife and FIL as a family. All your other issues can wait, and who knows, your ongoing situation may have been helped by you and your children's expressed concern and support for what your wife and FIL are going through.

Be very careful that you do not, however unintentionally, undermine your wife in the children's eyes, setting yourselves up as a little unit against her. It will end in tears.

I have recently lost my father and needed to spend the majority of my time with him, taking unpaid leave at the end to do it. I have every sympathy for your wife at this time. He had to take priority. I was in a high state of anxiety and guilt the whole time, wherever I was I felt I should be somewhere else.

During this time I have been absolutely astounded by the lack of compassion understanding and support from the selfish attitudes of my family and it has damaged my opinion and feelings for them, possibly on a lasting basis. Please consider this in how you all inclusively support your wife at this time. She will be exhausted, physically and emotionally.

Your children will pick up on your attitude to your wife.

I wish you all the best of luck.

duchy

I remember that thread and the key phrase is "some posters". This is a forum and people are going to see things through different eyes depending on their own life experiences. A wise OP reads them all and considers all views and decides what is relevent to their particular situation.

For example ..... I "hear" my ex's voice in what the OP is saying. My ex was a very work focused man - and I did all the child rearing - made excuses for Daddy when he cancelled family things because work came first -but he'd still have this idealized view of how I could parent "better" ... and not see that neither of us (or any parent) ever gets it right 100% of the time (or does things exactly the same way) .....He was if you like the "fun" parent who got to do the cool stuff and I was the routine, homework and teeth cleaning enforcing parent. Between us we had a good balance -even though our styles of parenting were very different. I see an element of this in some of the things the OP is saying. That he is coming across to me as "My way or no way" but he and his wife have different styles and nothing has been said that implies the children are suffering- their ying and yang make up the whole. I see the OP as not looking at the whole picture but a bit of a tunnel view - make worse because he's feeling a bit resentful and neglected because he feels his wife is neglecting him and the kids in favour of her father.

Yet to people who believe both parents should parent in exactly the same way.....this to them probably doesn't seem "right".

As for how often you, or the OP visited your own dying parent -it is irrelevent - as you aren't the OP's wife. Some people feel the need to spend as mucgh time as possible with a dying parent -others don't - neither is right or wrong -just the dynamic in that particular relationship.
When I was eight months pregnant my husband flew out to Vienna to visit his grandmother who he was told was dying (she wasn't as it turned out). There was a short period of three days whilst he was away when my parents were also on holiday - and during the time I had a fall and ended up in hospital. Some people were horrified that I was left "all alone to cope" but I had encouraged him to go as I knew how important it was to him-and even though I obviously wished he was there to support me in hospital - I didn't resent it-It was just one of those things life throws at you sometimes and you sometimes have to get on with things (I didn't even tell him about it until he got home - there was no point and he'd have just got more stressed so yes I do struggle to understand the OP's resentment - These things happen - usually not often but when they do you surely dio all you can to help your partner in life to do what they feel they need to do....even if it isn't how you'd do it.

supersaver2 wrote: »

Yes I do understand this, but that is the same with any another topic, a one sided story. As for my comment being unfair, I'm commenting on what I read, nothing more. I find the comments that have been made regarding the OP being selfish, spoilt, arrogant etc as being unfair.

I was reading a post on this forum just the other day about a women who wouldn't't allow her ex to see their child at all, he had spent money going through the courts until he had none left and was desperate, the reason for this as suggested by some posters was possible domestic violence or maybe depression, heaven forbid she could just be a bad mother. A big nasty man had to be the root of this problem. I can imagine threads go this way is due to the vast majority of posters being women. I'm a bloke with a young child and I lost my Dad last month, I visited him in the hospice at the end of his life, but not to the extent that I never saw my family, my Dad wouldn't have wanted that. It is possible for them both to compromise.

I await all the angry posts back, but as some have said (and still come back to post again!) I'm out of this thread, have a day out planned with my family.