is this verbal abuse?

tea_lover

accountingbod wrote: »

Can you all stop it now please.

It's so annoying when you want to end a conversation but other people just won't let it drop.

paulineb_2

accountingbod wrote: »

Can you all stop it now please.
To clarify, there was no argument. It wasnt said in the heat of an argument. I went on a bit but who hasnt sometimes BUT WE WERE NOT ARGUING
If we were then that is different.
If you tell your kid to stop going on as they are winding you up, do you then call them a moron or stupid for them pushing your buttons? Yes you may lose your temper but you dont shout at them endlessly and put them down do you?
WE brought the conversation to the table .it stemmed from me asking her how her day was.
Scheming gypsy, you are a wind up merchant. Please go away.

We tried again because despite our problems we both still love each other.
Was it a mistake to try again? No.
Has it confirmed our compatability issues? Most likely yes
Have we talked over what happened in the past? Yes
Have I made concessions to the things that upset or annoy her? Yes
Has she? I told her that the only issue I had was with her temper. As she refuses to accept it may be an issue then no.

You have choices. If theres a history of arguments and neither of you are happy, you have left and you were apart for some time I presume getting on with your life.

And yes, your wife may need anger management and you both might benefit from counselling to see where you go from here, whether you stay in this marriage or not, because you will take forward what youve been through into new relationships.

If this is the incident that broke the camels back, in 12 months time you might be sitting sorry that your marriage ended but with a fresh start and a peaceful life. And so might she.

Or you might be starting another thread saying I want to end my marriage, Im leaving.

And if someone is shouting at you endlessly and putting you down, then as much as you love them, the relationship isnt healthy.

It doesnt sound like shes going to change or the way you relate to one another will change without some professional intervention.

scheming_gypsy

accountingbod wrote: »

Scheming gypsy, you are a wind up merchant. Please go away.

.

How does no sound?

My mum was verbally abused throughout her marriage to my dad. He'd scream at her and (verbally) abuse her to belittle her, it wasn't because there'd been a heated discussion where he'd got annoyed, it was because he wanted the power over her.
Just because somebody shouts some nasty words at you in the heat of the moment, doesn't mean you're a victim of verbal abuse. Otherwise most of my ex's really did think i was a f**king c**t and they hoped I was dead.

martinsurrey

tea_lover wrote: »

It's so annoying when you want to end a conversation but other people just won't let it drop.

and if the OP now started screaming abuse at you for the next few hours who's fault would it be?

DONT NORMALISE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR

aileth

accountingbod wrote: »

Can you all stop it now please.

How does it feel on the side asking someone to stop and they simply ignore your wishes?

Dunroamin

bitemebankers wrote: »

Every domestic violence support group in the country would vehemently disagree with that, but it seems to be the consensus here. I wonder why that is?

Perhaps because some of us have been the victims of physical domestic violence (often accompanied by emotional abuse) and understand fully the difference between that and being called a couple of mildly rude names in the heat of an argument.

scheming_gypsy

martinsurrey wrote: »

so mental abuse is okay, but physical isnt....

o

k

a

y

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.

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We're comparing situations you idiot.
Nobody got hit in this situation so you can't compare them. My example was violence against violence, yours was violence against verbal.

martinsurrey

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

How does no sound?

My mum was verbally abused throughout her marriage to my dad. He'd scream at her and (verbally) abuse her to belittle her, it wasn't because there'd been a heated discussion where he'd got annoyed, it was because he wanted the power over her.
Just because somebody shouts some nasty words at you in the heat of the moment, doesn't mean you're a victim of verbal abuse. Otherwise most of my ex's really did think i was a f**king c**t and they hoped I was dead.

and I suppose if someone hits you in the heat of the moment its not physical abuse?

or again, is physical abuse somehow different to mental abuse?

martinsurrey

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

We're comparing situations you idiot.
Nobody got hit in this situation so you can't compare them. My example was violence against violence, yours was violence against verbal.

you seem to think abuse of one kind is worse than another, abuse is abuse what ever form it takes.

the OP was talking, and got abused, full stop.

jacques_chirac

accountingbod wrote: »

Can you all stop it now please.
To clarify, there was no argument. It wasnt said in the heat of an argument. I went on a bit but who hasnt sometimes BUT WE WERE NOT ARGUING
If we were then that is different.
If you tell your kid to stop going on as they are winding you up, do you then call them a moron or stupid for them pushing your buttons? Yes you may lose your temper but you dont shout at them endlessly and put them down do you?
WE brought the conversation to the table .it stemmed from me asking her how her day was.
Scheming gypsy, you are a wind up merchant. Please go away.

We tried again because despite our problems we both still love each other.
Was it a mistake to try again? No.
Has it confirmed our compatability issues? Most likely yes
Have we talked over what happened in the past? Yes
Have I made concessions to the things that upset or annoy her? Yes
Has she? I told her that the only issue I had was with her temper. As she refuses to accept it may be an issue then no.

It's funny you mention children, because I was thinking that you sound like a pair of squabbling children - and yes, children do get shouted at when they will not let something go. Is that abuse too, or is it simply a reaction to being pushed too far?

You might love each other, but that does not automatically mean you should be together.