is this verbal abuse?

martinsurrey

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

nobody got punched. therefore it's not the same.

so mental abuse is okay, but physical isnt....

o

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LannieDuck

bitemebankers wrote: »

Ahh, that makes it all okay then.

You do realise that most abuse, regardless of the genders involve, is verbal, don't you?

Huh? Not at all, and I never suggested verbal abuse was ok.

I was responding to Martin saying his example was exactly the same.

Please don't accuse me of something as serious as that when you're skim reading.

luxor4t

paulineb wrote: »

An hour long debate about the health service over dinner, Id have been asking you to stop as well.

^ This.

She's cooked you a lovely meal to make up for a disagreement and you decide to hold a philosophical debate. That does not sound like a viable relationship to me.

paulineb_2

bitemebankers wrote: »

Clearly you're not, or you wouldn't have asked a question like this:



If you were, you'd know that it's actually very common for victims to go back to their abusers. This is the case for both male and female victims.



Well, so would I, but I'm lucky enough not to be a victim of domestic abuse. Abusive relationships are more complex than you realise. But thanks for trying to womansplain it to me.

So you are telling me (and others) on this thread that we dont have any experience of domestic violence or abuse?

You might think you are right and other people are wrong, but telling people they dont know what they are talking about when you dont have an idea of what theyve been through in their life or seen others go through is ridiculous.

bitemebankers

martinsurrey wrote: »

so mental abuse is okay, but physical isnt.....

Every domestic violence support group in the country would vehemently disagree with that, but it seems to be the consensus here. I wonder why that is?

martinsurrey

paulineb wrote: »

Or. Ive been with my wife for a number of years, our time together has been taken up with volatile explosive arguments, Ive spoken about leaving her a few times and we did actually separate for 6 months but got back together with a fresh start although none of the issues that ended the marriage have been worked on or resolved and after a two week spell with no arguments, they have started again.

Yes, its verbal abuse, but if there are signs that a marriage is not well why would you put yourself back into that situation when its very likely that the behaviour is going to be repeated at some stage.

Without getting professional help.

a fool in love...

still doesnt make it 1% his fault.

bitemebankers

paulineb wrote: »

So you are telling me (and others) on this thread that we dont have any experience of domestic violence or abuse?

You might think you are right and other people are wrong, but telling people they dont know what they are talking about when you dont have an idea of what theyve been through in their life or seen others go through is ridiculous.

See #70...

paulineb_2

bitemebankers wrote: »

Clearly you're not, or you wouldn't have asked a question like this:



If you were, you'd know that it's actually very common for victims to go back to their abusers. This is the case for both male and female victims.



Well, so would I, but I'm lucky enough not to be a victim of domestic abuse. Abusive relationships are more complex than you realise. But thanks for trying to womansplain it to me.

I grew up in a home where my mum was regularly abused and beaten by her second husband. He started beating her just after the wedding. She couldnt get him out even though it was her home,, in those days there was very little support for women who were being abused and even if the police were involved, they were of the view that it was a domestic, thankfully things have changed now. He sexually abused (raped) her. He tried to strangle her when she was holding my baby brother. I used to hear her being attacked, I was ten years of age.

She didnt tell her family due to a number of reasons, one main one was because her dad had just died of cancer and my gran, her mum was grieving. Oh and he also wrongly thought that after my grandpa died my mum would inherit money, so one day when I was at school, he turned on all of the gas taps and went out. If my gran hadnt come down when she did, I probably wouldnt have a mum and brother.

It was when she finally told her brother what was going on, he helped get him out and even then he was pestering her, writing her letters, following her.

After her experiences she set up a branch of womens aid in her home town to try and help others. And some of the women she tried to support, ended up dead because ex partners tracked them down (data protection wasnt the same in those days, one woman my mum supported was killed by a partner because the police gave out her new address).

You really dont need to tell me what living with domestic abuse is like, there was no "womansplaining" on my part.

StuC75

It may interest her during the working day, but be the last thing on her mind when at home enjoying Tea..

accountingbod wrote: »

Also she works in the heatlh service ao I was trying to take an active interest in what interests her.

accountingbod

Can you all stop it now please.
To clarify, there was no argument. It wasnt said in the heat of an argument. I went on a bit but who hasnt sometimes BUT WE WERE NOT ARGUING
If we were then that is different.
If you tell your kid to stop going on as they are winding you up, do you then call them a moron or stupid for them pushing your buttons? Yes you may lose your temper but you dont shout at them endlessly and put them down do you?
WE brought the conversation to the table .it stemmed from me asking her how her day was.
Scheming gypsy, you are a wind up merchant. Please go away.

We tried again because despite our problems we both still love each other.
Was it a mistake to try again? No.
Has it confirmed our compatability issues? Most likely yes
Have we talked over what happened in the past? Yes
Have I made concessions to the things that upset or annoy her? Yes
Has she? I told her that the only issue I had was with her temper. As she refuses to accept it may be an issue then no.