is this verbal abuse?

paulineb_2

accountingbod wrote: »

Do you know what everyone? Forget it. It is upsetting for me to be screamed at for 15 minutes and be put down so that I feel worthless. I know how I feel.
Maybe I should just do her a favour and leave so she can be with a real man right? God help anyone who is genuinely traumatised by the actions of their partners and seeks advice. This is an open forum though so I guess that says it all - no one here can judge on such limited information.
Thanks for contributing.it may be worth considering before you get too personal and tell me to man up or not be so boring that what happened has knocked my self esteem anyway so it really doesnt help.
Anyway, have a good day everyone. I think maybe im not right for this world...

No, maybe you should leave for the sake of her own sanity and for your own by the sounds of it. You posted a thread almost 6 months ago saying you were ending the marriage because it wasnt working, that your wife wanted to consider counselling but you didnt because the marriage couldnt be fixed and here you are, back together.

It sounds like a co dependent dysfunctional relationship and I suspect theres issues on both sides, but it does sound like you arent a good combination, no matter if you really do love one another.

Okydoky25

bitemebankers wrote: »

I've not ever seen female victims of abuse treated like this on here, nor should they be.

Treated like what?

I know my comments would stand if the OP was female and I am female.

lavalamp

accountingbod wrote: »

Do you know what everyone? Forget it. It is upsetting for me to be screamed at for 15 minutes and be put down so that I feel worthless. I know how I feel.
Maybe I should just do her a favour and leave so she can be with a real man right? God help anyone who is genuinely traumatised by the actions of their partners and seeks advice. This is an open forum though so I guess that says it all - no one here can judge on such limited information.
Thanks for contributing.it may be worth considering before you get too personal and tell me to man up or not be so boring that what happened has knocked my self esteem anyway so it really doesnt help.
Anyway, have a good day everyone. I think maybe im not right for this world...

I understand that you were upset at being screamed at in a condescending way, I would be too and it's not acceptable that she did that even if she was upset herself. I think you need to understand that she is volatile and if she wants to end a discussion, it's best you do end it there and then. Alternatively, I think that you might consider that you are not good for each other and give up on trying again....

LannieDuck

No, 'everybody' doesn't think it's ok for her to call you a moron, stupid etc.

As I said in my previous post, there were faults on both sides of this argument and both of you need to apologise - you for pushing when she clearly wanted to stop, and her for overreacting. She should also be encouraged to seek help with anger management.

But I agree with the others, it really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

martinsurrey

I have NEVER seen a thread with so much rubbish on it.

And I suppose it’s the abused wife’s fault for not having dinner on the table when the husband gets home because "she knows how he is", or the raped girl for wearing a short skirt and dancing provocatively.

Rubbish, absolute drivel,

The OP’s partner is in the wrong, and the OP, while may not have helped the situation, is NEVER to blame for abuse.

Asking him why he went back is neither here nor there, like many, he has some rose tinted glasses and would love the relationship to work.

OP, you have my sympathy, but in your shoes I would walk away and not turn around.

paulineb_2

The OP has started 3 threads this year and more that have been deleted about his wife and him, coming to the end of their marriage.

I believe hes posted about trying to make it work as he believed his marriage was for life. But its not working, thats clear.

Vicky123

bitemebankers wrote: »

That's the stereotypical idea most people have of domestic abuse, yes. The reality is usually a good deal more complex, as you'd know if you'd had any real contact.

I don't feel the need to enlighten you of my personal experiences or fill up pages on it, this is about the OP asking for opinions.
FWIW I don't think it's a healthy relationship at all, but emotional abuse is never so complex as to involve victims bear baiting a known aggressor, that is not to condone insults being thrown around.
Whether you want to admit it or not there are very definite patterns to abuse, aggressor and victim, male or female.

scheming_gypsy

bitemebankers wrote: »

I've not ever seen female victims of abuse treated like this on here, nor should they be.

If there was a thread saying:
Am i a victim of abuse.
Last night me and my husband were having an argument. After an hour I started hitting him with a pan, he kept pushing me away and telling me to stop. Because I kept hitting him, he punched me.... what should I do?

Then you'd probably see the same responses.

aileth

I only skimmed the other threads when they were posted but I'm struggling to understand why you're still together?

paulineb_2

martinsurrey wrote: »

I have NEVER seen a thread with so much rubbish on it.

And I suppose it’s the abused wife’s fault for not having dinner on the table when the husband gets home because "she knows how he is", or the raped girl for wearing a short skirt and dancing provocatively.

Rubbish, absolute drivel,

The OP’s partner is in the wrong, and the OP, while may not have helped the situation, is NEVER to blame for abuse.

Asking him why he went back is neither here nor there, like many, he has some rose tinted glasses and would love the relationship to work.

OP, you have my sympathy, but in your shoes I would walk away and not turn around.

So you dont think asking why someone who stays away from a marriage for 6 months after posting several threads about how his marriage isnt working, one at the very beginning of this year is relevant?

I think its very relevant. If you know someone is volatile, know you are miserable and there hasnt been any attempt to try and get counselling, you might as well put a big sign with kick me on it around your neck, because you should be well aware of what you are walking back into

He posted on another thread that they spent the best part of two years having explosive arguments.