is this verbal abuse?

bitemebankers

prowla wrote: »

I got to a point with my ex-wife where I decided that it was a bad idea discussing any topic with her because it would only turn into an argument.

It sounds like the OP is at that point too, and probably needs to walk away, permanently.

jacques_chirac

bitemebankers wrote: »

Sounds like a pattern of abuse to me.

But hey, feel free to carry on pretending that only women can be victims of domestic abuse and ignore the 1/3 of all victims who are male.

On the information given, that 'abuse' could be in either or both directions (or indeed, in neither direction).

No one has pretended that domestic abuse does not happen to men. I fail to see why you are making this a male/ female issue?

cat4772

It is completely unacceptable:
* to be called a dimwit
* to be called stupid
* to be called a moron
* to be forced to answer a question after indicating you wish to bring the conversation to an end
* to tell someone their outburst is unprovoked when clearly they were provoked.

Maybe you both need the help of professional counselling to work through your different personalities and to appreciate each other's strengths.

I hope you and your wife can find a solution to your challenges.

bitemebankers

jacques_chirac wrote: »

I fail to see why you are making this a male/ female issue?

I've not ever seen female victims of abuse treated like this on here, nor should they be.

jacques_chirac

prowla wrote: »

I got to a point with my ex-wife where I decided that it was a bad idea discussing any topic with her because it would only turn into an argument.

This should be the key message to both the parties - know when enough is enough, be that in a single argument or when it is time to end the relationship.

accountingbod

Do you know what everyone? Forget it. It is upsetting for me to be screamed at for 15 minutes and be put down so that I feel worthless. I know how I feel.
Maybe I should just do her a favour and leave so she can be with a real man right? God help anyone who is genuinely traumatised by the actions of their partners and seeks advice. This is an open forum though so I guess that says it all - no one here can judge on such limited information.
Thanks for contributing.it may be worth considering before you get too personal and tell me to man up or not be so boring that what happened has knocked my self esteem anyway so it really doesnt help.
Anyway, have a good day everyone. I think maybe im not right for this world...

paulineb_2

bitemebankers wrote: »

Sounds like a pattern of abuse to me.

But hey, feel free to carry on pretending that only women can be victims of domestic abuse and ignore the 1/3 of all victims who are male.

Im well aware of male domestic violence issues.

The OP has said that their marriage has been problematic, that there have been explosive rows every weekend. They separated for 6 months.

Ask yourself, if you had the chance to get away from a marriage that wasnt working and took that, stayed away for 6 months, why on earth go back.

Particularly if neither of them tried to work on the issues that caused the marriage to fail and I do suspect, I may be wrong, that they havent had counselling.

We are all accountable for our actions, but if my marriage was making me so miserable I wanted out, I got out and I stayed out for a matter of months, Im not sure Id be returning.

jacques_chirac

bitemebankers wrote: »

I've not ever seen female victims of abuse treated like this on here.

But that is because you are seeing the OP as a victim. Most of us are seeing him (and his wife) as two people that wind each other up.

heartbreak_star

You were both in the wrong...but there is no excuse for screaming at somebody in that way.

HBS x

jacques_chirac

accountingbod wrote: »

Do you know what everyone? Forget it. It is upsetting for me to be screamed at for 15 minutes and be put down so that I feel worthless. I know how I feel.
Maybe I should just do her a favour and leave so she can be with a real man right? God help anyone who is genuinely traumatised by the actions of their partners and seeks advice. This is an open forum though so I guess that says it all - no one here can judge on such limited information.
Thanks for contributing.it may be worth considering before you get too personal and tell me to man up or not be so boring that what happened has knocked my self esteem anyway so it really doesnt help.
Anyway, have a good day everyone. I think maybe im not right for this world...

Maybe you should do each other a favour and go your separate ways. This is not about you or her being an abuser, it is about two people that clearly are not compatible.