is this verbal abuse?

scheming_gypsy

I think you may just need to learn when to stop poking bears with sticks.

If you think your wife has anger issues and she tells you that she's sick of the discussion and isn't going to carry on anymore, at what point did you think it would be a good idea to ask her another question and then re-start the debate / discussion / argument?

I have a short fuse and can easily get wound up at inanimate objects if I'm trying to do something and it's not happening. If somebody or somebody is annoying me and I start to get wound up I have to step away.
If you know that your wife has a short temper / anger issues then you can't just say it's her fault and then keep antagonising her. This situation has arisen because she got annoyed and told you to stop (ie she wanted to stop it progressing further), you decided that you wanted to carry on and now you're complaining.
Relationships are a two way thing. She has to accept that she might have anger issues and you have to understand she has them and work with her.. not just poke her with sticks when she's getting wound up.

Vicky123

I would consider someone going on and on, keeping something going, insisting on answers as quite abusive in itself. Why did you carry on when she had already told you she would prefer to leave it.
I don't believe anyone is responsible for anothers actions but it sounds like you were being unreasonable on this. Could even be considered passive aggressive as you continued to do something knowing it was upsetting her.

aileth

You were unreasonable when you tried to pursue the conversation when she made it clear she wanted it to finish. Talk about baiting the lion.

I find this quote particularly telling, "...she is not going to change and that she doesnt feel like she did anything wrong..."

You are the one that caused the whole situation to blow up. Maybe it's you who should change and learn to drop things? You call it an outburst, but you 110% provoked it. It was not an unjustified outburst by any means.

bitemebankers

aileth wrote: »

Talk about baiting the lion.

Maybe so, but who wants to be in a relationship with a "lion"?

aileth

bitemebankers wrote: »

Maybe so, but who wants to be in a relationship with a "lion"?

Give me a lion over a bloke who won't drop something I've clearly wanted to be dropped and gone on and on and on about it then disappeared for two hours any day.

No, she shouldn't have called you those names, but she was probably completely exasperated.

Okydoky25

Sorry but agree with what's already been said. You pushed and pushed even tho she asked for an end to the discussion. I would of snapped as well!

I think walking out for 2 hours is childish but it would not have got to that stage if you had not pushed it anyway.

Not brought up but is it her time of the month? I know I'm like a bear with a sore head around this time and can start an argument with my shadow if the mood takes me!

Tropez

Generally speaking, if someone continues to try and push a "debate" regardless of whether the other party wishes to continue, it is because the person pushing wants to feel superior and to get the other party to admit that they were wrong.

A lot of debates aren't actually debates, they're a "You're wrong, here's why" diatribe. It wouldn't surprise me at all if by pushing for an answer to a question and then using it as a platform to restart the debate she felt condescended to and that you were mocking her intelligence. This could have been especially difficult to take if she'd spent effort in preparing a nice meal for you to make up for an earlier argument only for her efforts to turn into another argument.

That doesn't mean her reaction was any better but if she has anger management issues then it sounds to me like she was actually trying to manage them. She recognised her earlier behaviour was unacceptable, attempted to make amends and made it known that she had grown tired of the discussion before she blew up - unfortunately, she was pushed into blowing up anyway.

accountingbod

Okay everyone. Well it seems the consesnsus is that I provoked the response so I guess I should go think about that.
As far im concerned I dont deserve to be called stupid and a moron for that though.

Cheers

dandelionclock30

Basically you were boring her to death, she asked you to stop and you kept going on. Listen no one wants to be talking about things like that over their tea. Im not surprised she got angry to be honest.
You need to be talking about more interesting fun things or asking her about herself etc.
You sound like you need some assistance improving your conversational and social skills. Your wife sounds like she may have depression or some sort of anger issues. However you kept pushing. You ned to be more considerate and decent otherwize you may end up with worse than being verbally abused.

accountingbod

Just want to clarify that it wasnt a question time debate. It wasnt a you're wrong and im right thing so I wasnt pushing a point. It was more philosophical than question time.