is this verbal abuse?

sacha28

OP it really wasn't ok to goad your wife into extending a conversation that she had, clearly, wanted no further part in. I'm not condoning her calling you names but you kind of deserved some sort of backlash and I would suggest that she is not the only one that has issues to deal with if being called a moron has made you imply on an open forum that you are suicidal over this.

Everyone has gone slightly crazy over the whole 'abuse' thing, I don't think anyone is 'normalising' abuse but they are merely trying to point out that there are different levels of abuse, being called a moron doesn't score highly on the abuse-ometer, especially when, by your own admission, you continued to keep debating when she had asked you to stop. If my oh is being a knob, I will tell him so and I would expect nothing less from him if I was doing the same.

Say_who?

Speaking as someone who royally lost her temper with her husband Saturday night and shouted and used some very choice words I hope your feeling better. You remind me of our early marriage I have inherited my mums very fiery temper and my husband will NOT let things go. I remember actually locking myself in the bathroom and singing la la la on one occasion, because once he starts saying something he HAS to finish.

Sometime in the 15 years we've been married we got over it. He knows what my trigger points are and ive gotten very good at making the appropriate noises and not re engaging when I've had enough. We have a bust up maybe 2 or 3 times a year. We both have our issues, to make our marriage work we have both come to accept behaviours we don't like.

I don't actually believe there such a thing as a perfect marriage, maybe some people are lucky but the vast majority of people just make the best of it.

I was very upset by some of the responses on the thread I started (feminazi?) but once I'd calmed down there was some very good advice. Hope your feeling better x

BitterAndTwisted

If I was being relentlessly badgered in the way the OP behaved towards his OH I wouldn't be angrily name-calling, I'd be scouring the house for the nearest heavy object!

So then this absolute numpty tries to turn it all around so that he can be the victim of "verbal abuse"at the hands of his nasty and unreasonable partner. I think he probably needs help. And so does his wife. To do his packing.

aileth

My husband once called me a b*tch on holiday when I really was being a complete and utter b*tch - is that verbal abuse?

pollypenny

The OP sounds like a ten year old' tale- telling! :cool:

stir_crazy

Just to chime in before you close the thread. I don't think your wife sounds like an abuser, she sounds like she has an anger problem where she over-reacts to situations. If your wife wanted counselling before you split up then it suggests that she is aware of the problem, and wants to fix it. Bear in mind that even people with the best intentions do fall off the bandwagon.

bitemebankers

paulineb wrote: »

You really dont need to tell me what living with domestic abuse is like

I'm not telling you anything about your experience of domestic abuse. I'm merely suggesting that you afford the OP the same courtesy, because everyone's experiences are different. The details of a situation can be different to what you've personally experienced and still be abusive.

I find it rather sad that, because the OP's experiences don't tally with your own, you're seeking to diminish his experience. That's not very nice, albeit not completely unexpected.

sacha28

bitemebankers, this has nothing to do with people tallying OP's experiences with their own. When anyone talks about abuse you imagine someone being slapped, being told what to wear, who to see, that they're fat, unattractive etc etc not being called a moron because they can't stop themselves goading a debate that the other person wishes to discontinue.

Abuse is not a word that should be thrown around lightly, it's a serious issue, being told you are acting like an idiot because you are is not abusive, it's truthful.

Mulder00

accountingbod wrote: »

Just want to clarify that it wasnt a question time debate. It wasnt a you're wrong and im right thing so I wasnt pushing a point. It was more philosophical than question time.

That's your point of view of the "debate". What kind of debate is it when two people sit and agree for an hour?

I hate philosophical debates because they are absolutely pointless and drive me up the wall!!!

dandelionclock30

accountingbod wrote: »

Dandelionclock30, your response is ludicrous and ignorant.
We all get bored by each other sometimes but that doesnt mean you go ape at each other.

Really? I was spot on and you dont like it.
I actually think there must be something wrong with you to want to have a philosophical debate about the NHS for an hour while your poor wife is trying to have her tea.
And then to keep going on at her...... You sound arrogant and self important. Its like your saying YOU WILL LISTEN and dismising her feelings out of hand.Quite aggressive and nasty really.

Obviously your wife has a temper, maybe shes had enough of your behaviour, I mean shes clearly telling you how she feels isnt she when shes shouting and calling you names. People can only stand so much and hopefully she wont go as far as attacking you physically. However if you carry on like you have done and as you also show very little insight I dont rate your chances really.