is this verbal abuse?

Tamsin_Temrin

Dunroamin wrote: »

Interesting that it seems to be male posters who are so sure that calling someone a few names is as abusive as knocking them about. I wonder why that would be?.......

My guess is that male abusers abuse with violence or implied violence and female abusers are more likely to use verbal aggression.

Never underestimate the skills of someone laying down a sustained campaign of mind**** and verbal grief. Its up there with hitting where the bruises dont show.

Vicky123

bitemebankers wrote: »

Reading through the first post, it sounds like more than that to me. The first incident the OP mentions is an unprovoked outburst. This was followed by an alleged 15 minute bout of shouting and abuse later on. Furthermore, it appears that the OP's wife has already accepted that she has anger management issues, and the OP has told us about the impact this has had on him.

So, it's actually quite a lot more than being "called some unpleasant names" isn't it?

No, he said they had an a conversation in the morning and she got angry by his response then blamed the cupboard [no explanation] but they both agreed it was the time of day.
He mentions unprovoked attacks in the context of the later philosophical discussion/debate, which is questionable, as insisting on keeping something going that's clearly causing bad feeling is not unprovoked, is it?
I have no idea if anyone here is an abuser but my opinion for what it's worth is this thread is not about abuse and that is the question being asked.
Now I'm done with it, and starting to feel like this debate has run it's course;)

Person_one

A quick glance at his previous threads shows that the OP has been telling his wife the relationship is over, and moving in and out, since at least January of this year. In this time she's also been mourning the loss of a close family member.

I would absolutely love to hear her side of all this.

arbroath_lass

bitemebankers wrote: »

Reading through the first post, it sounds like more than that to me. The first incident the OP mentions is an unprovoked outburst. This was followed by an alleged 15 minute bout of shouting and abuse later on. Furthermore, it appears that the OP's wife has already accepted that she has anger management issues, and the OP has told us about the impact this has had on him.

So, it's actually quite a lot more than being "called some unpleasant names" isn't it?

OP's wife asked him to stop. What part of no do you and the OP not understand?

Now, I've been annoyed at something and snapped at my husband when it wasn't his fault. He's done the same. As far as I'm concerned that is human. We apologise and say why we were actually annoyed - as the OP's wife did. Although, tbh, I don't see how the incident in the morning actually relates to the evening debate.

Dunroamin

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

My guess is that male abusers abuse with violence or implied violence and female abusers are more likely to use verbal aggression.

Never underestimate the skills of someone laying down a sustained campaign of mind**** and verbal grief. Its up there with hitting where the bruises dont show.

Except, in my experience, mental abuse usually goes alongside physical abuse anyway, which is one of the main reasons victims stay.

Tamsin_Temrin

Dunroamin wrote: »

Except, in my experience, mental abuse usually goes alongside physical abuse anyway, which is one of the main reasons victims stay.

Agreed. My guess is that its degrees and shades.

Anecdotally, Ive seen men completely abused and screamed at by women but not a finger laid on them. Plenty of male on female abuse never gets to physical violence.

Sometimes relationships just dont work and its time to give them a decent burial, mourn them and move on.

Vicky123

Dunroamin wrote: »

Except, in my experience, mental abuse usually goes alongside physical abuse anyway, which is one of the main reasons victims stay.

Yes, absolutely, but some are very, very clever and know physical abuse is much easier to prove, the old, "What, Who me?"
Sadly emotional abuse is often disbelieved which is why despite what a particular poster may think I would often err on the side of it being abuse and take things at face value.

stir_crazy

Vicky123 wrote: »

Yes, absolutely, but some are very, very clever and know physical abuse is much easier to prove, the old, "What, Who me?"
Sadly emotional abuse is often disbelieved which is why despite what a particular poster may think I would often err on the side of it being abuse and take things at face value.

If the OP's other threads had mentioned, or had implied, that his wife was bullying or abusing him then I would be inclined to agree with you. But, although the other do show that the OP is in a very intense and volatile relationship, he doesn't give the impression that he is being abused by his wife. It seems to be tit for tat.
I do understand that we do not get the whole story from an OP, and I am certainly not saying that it's ok for his wife to have done what she has, I just think that it sounds like she has anger issues rather than that she is an abuser.

Vicky123

stir_crazy wrote: »

If the OP's other threads had mentioned, or had implied, that his wife was bullying or abusing him then I would be inclined to agree with you. But, although the other do show that the OP is in a very intense and volatile relationship, he doesn't give the impression that he is being abused by his wife. It seems to be tit for tat.
I do understand that we do not get the whole story from an OP, and I am certainly not saying that it's ok for his wife to have done what she has, I just think that it sounds like she has anger issues rather than that she is an abuser.

Yes, sorry, but I was just talking generally, mind wandering away and general waffle, already said I didn't think this was abuse as that was the OP question.

moneysniffer

I'm just intrigued as to the topic of this 'philosophical debate'?