is this verbal abuse?

paulineb_2

I wasnt comparing my personal experiences to the OP's. I actually posted what I posted because you made a comment (wrongly) about me clearly knowing nothing about abuse. Making massive assumptions much?

It was in response to comments you made, nothing else. And perhaps you could point me exactly to where Ive said that Im trying to diminish his experiences? I think you'll be looking quite some time.

Hope this clarifies. I did read the first post and the other threads that hes posted as it happens. Not sure why you'd say that, but then if you say I didnt read it then, obviously, I didnt read it.

You seem to know a hell of a lot about what people do and dont do just from a few words on a screen.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

Doesn't seem very fair to be judging someone as a 'nasty piece of work' off a one-sided biased view from half of the partnership.

Be very careful what you say, you might end up being referred to as dear.:rotfl:

StuC75

Very true, especially where they both seem to have such Dominating personalities. Something that likely causes much of there friction, certainly from what I've read from the OP it seemed to be more of a Lecture than a debate or even conversation. So whilst the OP may not have liked what he heard in response - it got the desired result for the wife..

To quote from Vic Reeves - You just wouldn't let it lie.

Sometimes you just have to know when enough has been said, and if it because people have differing opinions then just respect that and draw a line under it, and move on or move away.

aileth wrote: »

Doesn't seem very fair to be judging someone as a 'nasty piece of work' off a one-sided biased view from half of the partnership.

paddy's_mum

accountingbod wrote: »

when they are pushed too far by a conversation

But she wasn't pushed by a conversation, she was pushed by you. You made a choice, same as you did when you refused counselling. Same as you did when you walked out for two hours. Same as when you insisted on resuming the debate.

What has this woman got to do to make herself heard?

What has this woman got to do to put a stop to what she almost certainly feels is bullying?

Ah, silly me! I remember now. Most of us start yelling.

marisco_2

accountingbod wrote: »

I told her that i thought she had an anger issue and calling me names and shouting at me was verbal abuse and she flat out denied it and kept saying if i hadnt pushed her she wouldnt have had to shout at me and call me names.

As an adult your wife is fully capable of deciding how best to handle any given situation. For her to think it is normal to follow someone distancing themselves from animosity, and to shout and be verbally abusive to the point where you felt the need to leave your home for a while, suggests she has real issues that need addressing. I question her state of mind that she cannot understand that simple concept. It is very common for people with abusive personalities to refuse to take responsibility for their actions OP, choosing instead to transfer blame and deflect their failing onto others. I remember your previous threads where you detailed the turmoil and upset you faced in your relationship. The same patterns of behaviour are emerging again aren't they. I am sorry to say this but I think you are flogging a dead horse here. If you stay with this woman this is how your life will always be. You come across as a decent guy and deserve so much better.

Vicky123

bitemebankers wrote: »

Excuse me, dear, I'm not the one comparing my personal experiences to the OP, much less trying to diminish his experiences on the basis of them.

I read the original posting and was concerned by it because the OP themselves feels they might be being abused. Given that neither I, nor anyone else, knows any more detail of the situation, I'm as qualified as anyone else to comment.

In my very first post on this thread, which you've probably not even read, I questioned whether the OP was doing things which perhaps not in his own best interest.

Based solely on his postings, it sounds to me like the OP's wife is a nasty piece of work and he'd be best off running a mile. But I also realise that people who are in the middle of an abusive relationship don't always have clarity of thought because, err, they're being abused...!

To be fair you are making most of the assumptions here, right down to questioning if your post has been read.
I would be the first person to defend and support anyone in an abusive relationship but this thread doesn't look like that as the OP was following this woman around insisting his point is heard, keeping it going and then walking out in a sulk, he had been having a nice meal cooked by his alleged abuser who was looking to make up to him from some previous issue, so in effect taking blame. All we know from this thread is she called him some unpleasant names.
I understand there is a previous thread somewhere about explosive arguments but I'm commenting on his opinion seeking regarding this latest fall out. You on the other hand are claiming she's a nasty piece of work but there is nothing in this thread to suggest that.

bitemebankers

paulineb wrote: »

you made a comment (wrongly) about me clearly knowing nothing about abuse.

I was referring to the OP's situation which, if you hadn't taken what I've said out of context, would be obvious. You claimed to "know all about" domestic violence in which men are the victims (see #67). I challenged that and, since then, you've certainly not demonstrated that you do understand the OP's situation.

You may well be an absolute expert on female victims of domestic abuse, but that's not actually what this thread is about, is it?

You seem to know a hell of a lot about what people do and dont do just from a few words on a screen.

Not really. In fact, I've said very little, definitively, about the OP's situation. What I have said, I've qualified with the assumptions I'm making, based on very little information and only hearing one side.

What I have done is to challenge a few other people's assumptions and claims. And, surprise surprise, they've got quite shirty about it.

bitemebankers

Vicky123 wrote: »

All we know from this thread is she called him some unpleasant names.

Reading through the first post, it sounds like more than that to me. The first incident the OP mentions is an unprovoked outburst. This was followed by an alleged 15 minute bout of shouting and abuse later on. Furthermore, it appears that the OP's wife has already accepted that she has anger management issues, and the OP has told us about the impact this has had on him.

So, it's actually quite a lot more than being "called some unpleasant names" isn't it?

Tamsin_Temrin

OP - strongly suggest you get counselling. You need to work out what you need, where your limits are. Counselling for you can help you find strategies for you to cope.

I hated my ex to the knife. Never called him stupid or a moron, or anything else. Just hated him.

If you insisted on carrying on a conversation that I tried to leave I would hate you as well. I don't react well to being cornered.

If you are concerned about the situation being abusive, do all you can to leave, Mankind are the male equivalent of Womens Aid. Its time to choose to be happy.

Next time your wife tries to leave a situation, let her. hth

Dunroamin

Interesting that it seems to be male posters who are so sure that calling someone a few names is as abusive as knocking them about. I wonder why that would be?.......