Rant!!!

daisiegg

paulineb wrote: »

My mum is a teacher so I am aware of how she is paid and Im also aware of how much work she does over and above her teaching day. But in the first post, she said her husband works in a residential school and does paid sleepovers. Ive known people who work in residential schools who work as support workers and not teachers.

So I may be wrong, he could be a teacher, but my impression was from the first post that he wasnt and he was a support worker.

Oh! Sorry, my mistake - I was assuming he was a teacher.

paulineb_2

daisiegg wrote: »

Oh! Sorry, my mistake - I was assuming he was a teacher.

He could well be and I may have got that wrong, just that when she mentioned he did sleepover shifts as part of his job, I thought he was a support worker and not a teacher.

daisiegg

paulineb wrote: »

And my mum does go in early in the morning, shes often in school at 8am, but any extra work she does, she tends to do it at home and not at school. She has a school laptop and can access most of the things she could at school at home, including stuff like writing report cards, lots of her colleagues do marking and preparation work at home and not at school.

Yeah that was my point in the last paragraph. He should be doing it at home. I get to work at 7.30am but I tend to leave on time and do my work at home. There are some things that need to be done at school such as phoning parents, meetings obviously, and sometimes things that require access to the school system if there is no remote access, but generally things like marking can be done at home.

daisiegg

paulineb wrote: »

He could well be and I may have got that wrong, just that when she mentioned he did sleepover shifts as part of his job, I thought he was a support worker and not a teacher.

I think teachers do that too. I have a friend who teaches in a boarding school and she is a 'house mistress' and literally lives at school. It is a lot of extra money and she is young and single so it works for her.

New_and_Improved_Me

Mojisola wrote: »

My OH had to work away Monday to Friday for several years while the children were small and he's often still away several nights a week now. It's worked for us because we all knew that the time away was necessary but he was home whenever he could and, when he was home, he was an active part of the family.

An OH doing quite so much unpaid overtime and not keeping promises made to the children about coming home suggests there is more to this than Dad trying to be a good provider.

Exactly...NEEDS must....

When a man works hard to provide for his family and makes and effort when ever he can (and your husband sounds like such a man...)...then there is NO issue with this type of setup at all.....the woman picks up the slack and runs the household....

Alchemilla

Pollycat the post you quoted as excellent advice is completely nonsensical if you try to apply it to teaching there is no limit on our working hours.

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the above is excellent advice.

As for this, I think you're pretty rude.



Sarcasm and telling posters not to be silly is out of order.

When you put your private life on a public forum you should expect to get replies that don't all agree with your view.
If you want a "There, there dear. How dare that nasty man upset you" type of response you've come to the wrong place.

TBH, after reading the tirade above, my sympathies lie with your husband.

Alchemilla

So OP is he a teacher? I cant help thinking he would be less worried by Offtrousers if he was a support worker.

krlyr

New_and_Improved_Me wrote: »

I’m going to frank here…..I apologies in advance to all the sensitive type females on here….
Some women today demand TOO much from their partners these days……a MAN’S role primarily has been to be the bread winner and the WOMAN’S role to be the housekeeper……
In this day and age women in the western countries expect their men to be both…..someone who provides for the family and looks after the house…..
Go back 70/80 years…..and you will see none of this …… women did their job and the men did there’s…..
Now….. I’m not saying we should go back to the ways things use to be…….where the men went out to work……came home ……and expected the dinner on the table and not to have to lift finger around the house….
But if a man’s got to work long hours to provide for the family then the wife SHOULD pick up the slack and not moan and whine about it……

Maybe OP should just go the whole hog and get a few slaves in to help, too?

Really cannot believe this attitude. I go out to work fulltime, and I still manage to come home and cook dinner, clean the house, look after the dogs, and on top of that I am also studying 2 nights a week. It's made a lot easier by my OH not having a caveman attitude like this..he comes home and he helps out with the washing up, the laundry, the tidying.

Guess what. People are capable of working during the day, and still being able to do housework in the evenings. I would not say it has become the expectation that men be both breadwinner and look after the house - if anything, it has become more of the norm for woman to go out to work despite having children to raise and a home to look after. And for the most part, we manage it fine! And if the male partner is able to help, even better, the workload is shared. I think it's actually quite a patronising attitude to have towards males, to assume that they are less capable of having a job and helping around the house, when woman are able to do both.

paulineb_2

New_and_Improved_Me wrote: »

I kind of understand where you’re coming from with that comment...

However, if you have a good relationship……then short periods of a husband not being home mon-fri or even for a few weeks/months at a time…….. Because he’s working away……should NOT be an ISSUE at all …….on the marriage or the kids……

It depends on how strong your relationship is to start with……...if there is already tension in the household because of underlying issues ….financial/marital…whatever……

And suddenly the husband has to work away or long hours and the wife feels he is not pulling his weight at home….then there will be fireworks…and stress…as demonstrated by OP….

I’m going to frank here…..I apologies in advance to all the sensitive type females on here….
Some women today demand TOO much from their partners these days……a MAN’S role primarily has been to be the bread winner and the WOMAN’S role to be the housekeeper……
In this day and age women in the western countries expect their men to be both…..someone who provides for the family and looks after the house…..
Go back 70/80 years…..and you will see none of this …… women did their job and the men did there’s…..
Now….. I’m not saying we should go back to the ways things use to be…….where the men went out to work……came home ……and expected the dinner on the table and not to have to lift finger around the house….
But if a man’s got to work long hours to provide for the family then the wife SHOULD pick up the slack and not moan and whine about it……

Even in my grans day, she died 3 years ago at the age of 86, she had two kids, she had a part time job and previous to that had been a nurse during the second world war.

Some women dont expect their men to do both, some women expect their men to do an equal share in the home, which is absolutely possible, because there are few couples I know who earn enough to have the luxury of man going out to work and woman sitting at home.

And Im also going to be frank here. Some people, both men and women are single, some with kids and some without. Ive always gone out and worked, because I needed to, to be able to pay the bills and when I came home, I shopped, I cooked, I cleaned, I ran my home.

My mum brought two of us up as a single parent. My brother lives with someone, he works, she works, not in a million years would he ever come home and expect his dinner to be on the table, hes perfectly capable of cooking for himself.

A partnership doesnt need to be about clearly defined roles. And it could also be argued that if a woman is at home with kids, thats a full time job in itself. So why on earth should it be assumed that just because someone is at home with children, the man, because he goes out to work, should be able to come home and not lift a finger in the house. Thankfully, its 2013 and not 1913. And for the people who still live in a so called traditional household and it works for you, fine. But lets not get rose tinted specs on. Life for a lot of women in days gone by was tough. And women of my grans age, did work during the war, my gran was a nurse by the age of 20, she certainly wasnt sitting on her bottom doing nothing.

A quarter of the UK's female population were working by the time of world war one

Its not rocket science to run a home and work a 35-40 hour week. I went to university, worked nights, went to uni on my days off and looked after my home and Im not superwoman.

I really dont think that generalising about whether a certain gender should do certain roles, just because its the way its always been is helpful.

And again, this isnt about a man who is working long hours to provide for his family, this is a man who is choosing to work unpaid hours.

thatlemming

New_and_Improved_Me wrote: »

I kind of understand where you’re coming from with that comment...

However, if you have a good relationship……then short periods of a husband not being home mon-fri or even for a few weeks/months at a time…….. Because he’s working away……should NOT be an ISSUE at all …….on the marriage or the kids……

It depends on how strong your relationship is to start with……...if there is already tension in the household because of underlying issues ….financial/marital…whatever……

And suddenly the husband has to work away or long hours and the wife feels he is not pulling his weight at home….then there will be fireworks…and stress…as demonstrated by OP….

I’m going to frank here…..I apologies in advance to all the sensitive type females on here….
Some women today demand TOO much from their partners these days……a MAN’S role primarily has been to be the bread winner and the WOMAN’S role to be the housekeeper……
In this day and age women in the western countries expect their men to be both…..someone who provides for the family and looks after the house…..
Go back 70/80 years…..and you will see none of this …… women did their job and the men did there’s…..
Now….. I’m not saying we should go back to the ways things use to be…….where the men went out to work……came home ……and expected the dinner on the table and not to have to lift finger around the house….
But if a man’s got to work long hours to provide for the family then the wife SHOULD pick up the slack and not moan and whine about it……

This is a disgusting, misogynistic outdated opinion, and quite frankly I feel so so sorry for your OH.