Rant!!!

paulineb_2

Dovah_diva wrote: »

God, you sound bitter. Got some issues to deal with there; I'd suggest counselling.

I dont think shes sounds bitter at all, just honest. If I were married to someone who was doing a 35-40 hour week or more, because even though sleepover shifts arent counted into the hours you do, as you get a payment to sleep in on shift, you can be away for 24 hours at a time, thats twice a week.

And all this unpaid overtime too, Im not surprised she feels unsupported.

krlyr

paulineb wrote: »

I dont think shes sounds bitter at all, just honest. If I were married to someone who was doing a 35-40 hour week or more, because even though sleepover shifts arent counted into the hours you do, as you get a payment to sleep in on shift, you can be away for 24 hours at a time, thats twice a week.

And all this unpaid overtime too, Im not surprised she feels unsupported.

Chicken vs egg, though? She's upset/stressed/annoyed because he's working a lot, or he's working a lot because she's upset/stressed/annoyed?

Either way, whilst a rant can be cathartic, the issue does need addressing by OP and her OH, as it's clear OP is very unhappy with the situation.

Dovah_diva

paulineb wrote: »

I dont think shes sounds bitter at all, just honest. If I were married to someone who was doing a 35-40 hour week or more, because even though sleepover shifts arent counted into the hours you do, as you get a payment to sleep in on shift, you can be away for 24 hours at a time, thats twice a week.

And all this unpaid overtime too, Im not surprised she feels unsupported.

So we'll have to agree to disagree, as I think she sounds terribly bitter and I would wager she spills that bitterness when her husband comes home. Let's not forget we only have her side of the story, don't we? I'd love to hear the husband's side. Either way, she needs to be pro-active and seek help; hence my suggestion of counselling.

Pollycat

If she reacts to her husband in the same way as she's done to any poster who's dared to criticise her on here, there's no wonder he's working long hours.

gt568

gunsandbanjos wrote: »

I'm surprised by some of the answers, I feel for the OP, her husband is prioritising everything ahead of her and their children.

Been there, done that, it's not fun.

Would the OP be happy if her husband lost his job?

pmlindyloo

Oh, how I sympathise and that is with both of you.

I know what it is like to be in the school environment and know the stress of expecting an OFSTED inspection and I'm a perfectionist!

I also know what it is like to have a husband who works long hours and being left to do with what seems like everything.

So, what to do?

You are working too so I can imagine what it is like trying to keep the house together, make good times for your children and do a job.
Have you got a cleaner? If not, get one. Someone to do the ironing? The gardening? Go for it. Make your life as easy as possible. This will lessen your resentment and lessen your load.

Sometimes it just all builds up and everything gets out of proportion.

You have a choice as regards your husband's work. Yes, in an ideal world you will sit down and discuss it, remind him that no one goes to their death saying they wish that they had worked harder but in reality it doesn't work like that.

Your husband is stressed out because of his job. You either support him or rant and rave which will make matters worse. He is not going to work less because he will be more stressed if he doesn't feel in control. So a no win situation for both of you.

Think of the positive things. He has longish holidays and is there for your kids then. He is in a job and earning. You are all fit and healthy.

It won't be easy but if you can be ultra supportive and enjoy the times you have together then you will survive this.

Resentment burns away at you. I'm not suggesting you 'roll over' but there is something to be said for accepting situations and being the one to hold everything together without feeling hard done by.

paulineb_2

Pollycat wrote: »

If she reacts to her husband in the same way as she's done to any poster who's dared to criticise her on here, there's no wonder he's working long hours.

But there are kids who are also caught up in all of this and I dont think personally that her reaction to other posters was that bad, seen worse on here.

Its not healthy to spend that much time in the workplace. It doesnt sound like hes a manager, he doesnt need to be there all the time, even managers need time off as well.

Theres long hours and theres being in work doing unpaid shifts on your days off, if I managed a staff member who was doing that, Id send them home, its not healthy for him, his family and dare I say it the people he works with, both staff and clients.

And as I said before, if he continues to do this, he could end up suffering from a stress related breakdown if hes not halfway there already.

Brighton_belle

gt568 wrote: »

Would the OP be happy if her husband lost his job?

He spent Saturday at work writing a sermon , thereby breaking his promise to watch a film with his children. But she isn't allowed to be angry about that because ... well I lose track here of the relevance of his job status at this point.

paulineb_2

This isnt someone having to work extra shifts to earn more money for their family, this is someone choosing to do I expect weeks of unpaid overtime that he doesnt need to do.

I wonder how many people on here faced with a partner going out and working hours and hours extra on their days and weeks off for no extra pay would find it easy to be supportive. He doesnt need to be doing all of this.

If hes a worker working at a basic grade, the 7 or 8 hours a day he spends on shift is ample time to get whatever paperwork he needs to do done.

And if I were his line manager and supervising him, Id be putting at halt to all this unpaid overtime.

Its also a one way ticket to exhaustion. If hes being paid for 30-40 hours a week and hes working 60 or 70, its not healthy, he shouldnt be as attached to the job as he is. In an environment like that down time is really important, its necessary.

want_to_save

OP i really feel for you, it does sound as if there may be some other underlying issues, have you tried maybe just suggesting the two of you go out / away from home overnight (arrange for someone to sit the kids) and really just sit down and talk without all the pressures of family/kids/etc being around.

He may be overwhelmed, you are feeling very undervalued and i feel for both of you.