Rant!!!

Say_who?

Rant alert!!! I am beyond furious! A little background information first. My husband works in a residential school where the hours are long and he has to sleep at work two nights a week. On top of this he regularly works extra hours unpaid because "he's got so much work to do". We barely see him from monday to friday. I accept this because I know he is a perfectionist and EVERYTHING takes him longer to do. The upside to this arrangement is he gets school holidays off and can spend time with the kids then while I work.

However last half term he calmly informed me that he was going into work Monday to Friday because he had so much work to catch up on, just assuming that myself and his mum would sort out child care. I was not a happy bunny.

Yesterday morning he informed me he was going into work again to catch up, once again not a happy bunny! I got the whole sob story about how stressful it is for him to have work hanging over him and offsted could descend at any time yadda yadda I backed off. He agreed to come home in time to watch Atlantis with us so that we would at least do one thing together as a family on Saturday.

At this time we also had talked about a church service we are doing together in a few weeks time and i offered to do it alone as he is so busy but no no he wants to be involved.

Fast forward to Saturday evening it's atlantis on tv and no OH. He did manage to phone 15 minutes before the end to tell me he was just leaving work. Thanks for that, I know it's not top notch tv but when your watching something it's nice to see how things turn out. Girls are sent to bed about 20 minutes after he gets back whereupon he tries to placate me by telling me he actually spent the time at work writing a sermon for the church service!!!

Arrggghhhh! I feel completely manipulated! Not only has he spent all day at work doing something he could have done at home but has taken complete control of something we were supposed to do together. I've been reduced to the status of little woman both at home and at church in a single manipulative action. And get this I'm supposed to be pleased! :mad:

pinkshoes

There's nothing worse than being snowed under with so much work then be made to feel guilty about it by the person who should be supporting you.

He probably did the church thing as it sounded like YOU were moaning about having to do it on your own, so he saved you the trouble.

gt568

At least he's got a job and works at it.

Tiddlywinks

He sounds really stressed and you sound completely unsupportive to be honest.

mandragora_2

Did the head teacher and the rest of SLT of the residential school spend all half term at work?

mr_knight

I agree with the other posters. Do you really think he would rather be working that watching tv with you and the family? Of course he wouldn't but when you are so busy with work it plays on your mind. Unless you are teacher you don't really understand what the job entails (I am not saying there aren't other stressful/busy jobs too).

I too had the same comment from my oh over half term I tired very hard to do family things in the day time and in the evenings do school work. I was moaned at because I would rather be marking books than doing something with him. Yeah course I would, I just love making books and can think of no other way to spend my evenings.

Try and have a chat with him and see what you can come up with. I have a no Saturday work rule where possible but today I will have to work, I have no choice. We have no family nearby to help with child care so unfortunately oh will have to have our lo. As the main earner I have no choice but to do my job.

Good luck, it is frustrating for the partner, I know my oh finds it really frustrating but try and be supportive . Good luck

mr_knight

mandragora wrote: »

Did the head teacher and the rest of SLT of the residential school spend all half term at work?

Ha probably not :rotfl:

Bella73

mandragora wrote: »

Did the head teacher and the rest of SLT of the residential school spend all half term at work?

That's exactly what I was going to ask. Ok he might well be busy at work and stressed but he needs to remember his children, he needs to keep his promises to them.

I am guessing he thought he was saving you a job with the Church sermon sounds like he was trying to be helpful there but the half term bit I would want to know more about, plus all theses unpaid hours, yes I agree he is lucky to have a job but he is not a slave and if he really needs to do so many unpaid hours there is something wrong at the school and he needs some help from other people. Are all the staff doing all these extra hours or are they taking advantage of him.

At the end of the day the point of the job is to be paid not to be taken the mick of or he will be on below the national minimum wage, so he needs to talk to his employer.

ecgirl07

Is he being paid for all the "extra" work he is doing? If not why not? If he cant complete tasks in his regular hours he needs to speak to his boss and get his work load adjusted or he needs to work smarter.

I dont see it as being unsupportive to want a father home on a late Saturday evening to spent 1 hour of family time together.

Tiddlywinks

He may be suffering real stress which can mean self imposed standards and extra work due to his internal worries.

He worries, he does extra hours, he rechecks to make sure, he worries etc... Even the OP said he was a "perfectionist".

I'd be more worried than angry... about his health, his mental state etc.

OP needs to work to try to understand his troubles not add to them by nagging and getting angry.

Alchemilla

I sympathise with you OP. It sounds like this has not always been the case and while the world of teaching is fast becoming a place where everyone is overloaded, he does 1. Need to manage his work life balance and 2. Discuss childcare instead of deciding and then downloading his decision.
Is there anything else worrying you?