What a mess - happy anniversary, do i need a divorce??

paulineb_2

Jinx wrote: »

I did text my hubby telling him I would divorce him and hes on MSE so it prob is him., I am a prolific mse user...

I thought he might find it enlightening to get an outside view as I do, thank you for all your comments, I will post an update once I have had a chance to think, communicate etc

Jinx x

Surely rather than bring this on here, he could just text you back.

Jinx

Im sure he will do that too. (tho I live in the sticks with dodgy signal)

Prob just making a point...... Who knows, I thought I understood him, recent events show not.

Jinx

Nite all, thanks for the support xxx

[Deleted User]

Good luck you two

tinkerbell28

Jinx wrote: »

I did text my hubby telling him I would divorce him and hes on MSE so it prob is him., I am a prolific mse user...

I thought he might find it enlightening to get an outside view as I do, thank you for all your comments, I will post an update once I have had a chance to think, communicate etc

Jinx x

That's your problem. You're married to a guy who was out on adult dating sites in probably the most head over heels part of your relationship. You worked it out and stayed together.

You saw the ex and said 3rd time your gone, that's it.

It's the 3rd time, much more serious than the last 2. He's upped his game. But it's not over is it?. You've then said "I'm going to divorce you". Then pointed him to a thread saying near enough the exact opposite. As you don't want to chuck it away.

It sounds very much to me like your intention was to show him what an idiot he's been, how others view it and he's very much a lucky man of you take him back, as look what everyone else would do, teach him a lesson type thing.

The problem is with hollow threats is they mean nothing, so if you threaten something, twice, then immediately contradict yourself. They know you don't mean it. In the case of a cheating spouse it gives them the ticket to do it again.

They know when you say "that's it". It really isn't and a few hollow babes, flowers and choccies and they're back in. Then next time they'll just be a bit more careful, but the thrill is too much to give up as they're only risking a few weeks on the sofa.

I'm not saying you should ditch him, but you've done yourself no favours IMO.

I see it a lot in an environment where people work away and I've been around that sort of thing. Seen how it all works.

Trust is paramount, ESPECIALLY working away, I don't see how you can trust him

Jinx

:T

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

That's your problem. You're married to a guy who was out on adult dating sites in probably the most head over heels part of your relationship. You worked it out and stayed together.

You saw the ex and said 3rd time your gone, that's it.

It's the 3rd time, much more serious than the last 2. He's upped his game. But it's not over is it?. You've then said "I'm going to divorce you". Then pointed him to a thread saying near enough the exact opposite. As you don't want to chuck it away.

It sounds very much to me like your intention was to show him what an idiot he's been, how others view it and he's very much a lucky man of you take him back, as look what everyone else would do, teach him a lesson type thing.

The problem is with hollow threats is they mean nothing, so if you threaten something, twice, then immediately contradict yourself. They know you don't mean it. In the case of a cheating spouse it gives them the ticket to do it again.

They know when you say "that's it". It really isn't and a few hollow babes, flowers and choccies and they're back in. Then next time they'll just be a bit more careful, but the thrill is too much to give up as they're only risking a few weeks on the sofa.

I'm not saying you should ditch him, but you've done yourself no favours IMO.

I see it a lot in an environment where people work away and I've been around that sort of thing. Seen how it all works.

Trust is paramount, ESPECIALLY working away, I don't see how you can trust him

You are of course spot on Tinkerbell.

But just because it would hurt, doesn't mean I wont do it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt albeit years ago.

Id hate to be a clich!, but maybe I am.

Thank you all for your input, honestly I really appreciate it. Im off now, head banging, need some drugs!

Nite all.

paulineb_2

Jinx wrote: »

I did text my hubby telling him I would divorce him and hes on MSE so it prob is him., I am a prolific mse user...

I thought he might find it enlightening to get an outside view as I do, thank you for all your comments, I will post an update once I have had a chance to think, communicate etc

Jinx x

If hes on MSE already why make a new profile to respond on here.

Lunar_Eclipse

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

It's the 3rd time, much more serious than the last 2. He's upped his game. But it's not over is it?. You've then said "I'm going to divorce you". Then pointed him to a thread saying near enough the exact opposite. As you don't want to chuck it away.

It sounds very much to me like your intention was to show him what an idiot he's been, how others view it and he's very much a lucky man of you take him back, as look what everyone else would do, teach him a lesson type thing.

The problem is with hollow threats is they mean nothing, so if you threaten something, twice, then immediately contradict yourself. They know you don't mean it. In the case of a cheating spouse it gives them the ticket to do it again.

Interesting. I didn't read it like that. I'm assuming she will go through with the divorce, because she doesn't really have any choice.

It's difficult to say which is harder: divorcing someone you love or never knowing when or if this will happen again. Having said that, she is quite rightly very angry with what he has done, so the love might fade with his idiotic behaviour and seeming disregard for their marriage which would make divorce easier.

Looks like you might be right though given Jinx's reply.

I wish you all the best Jinx. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this upset.

duchy

I disagree -there is always a choice.

People make mistakes and it appears Mr Jinx has made a LOT but it is how they handle things now. Not texts, not jumping on a forum post but sitting down face to face and complete honesty-get everything out. On both sides -clear the air of ALL resentments and then once the anger and hurt is all out there and then see what is left. Enough to make a fresh start (or even that possibility in the future) ...or not.

Even at this point they both have choices but more than anything else both need to stop sodding about with texts and talk properly to each other face to face.

Good luck you two !

Mojisola

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I see it a lot in an environment where people work away and I've been around that sort of thing. Seen how it all works.

Trust is paramount, ESPECIALLY working away, I don't see how you can trust him

In Jinx's situation, I would be getting checked for STIs.

If he's been happy to use sites like that at home, what's he been doing while working away?