What a mess - happy anniversary, do i need a divorce??

Retrogamer

You told him if he betrays your trust again, that's it.

He's taken that on board and still been dishonest to you about his activities with other women. It seems he values his dishonest desires / impulses as a higher priority than your feelings and marriage since he made the gamble.

Jinx

I don't know what to think - my head is jumping from I wish he was here to shout at to how will I sort out the logistics of moving on/telling people/changing my name???

What a waste of a good marriage.......

The particular site apparently hes been using 'for a few weeks' and the one photo that started all this off was when I was on holiday with my daughter. Hed been working away and missed me so we hadn't seen each other in a bit - so I guess he was bored whatever. But he chose to take a job working away again, hes been doing it for a few months now........ no hope is there??

tinkerbell28

Is it definitely free? So if you wanted to be interactive no charge? at all?

So it's one for "likeminded" ordinary folk then?

No one can tell you what to do, it's up to you really, what's your deal breaker and how many times?

Is it really a good marriage? A bloke who joins adult type dating sites and cams other women sexually? Really?!?!

Jinx

Well on the front page it appears to be free, but maybe not when you actually go interactive, I didn't sign up. In my book its equally bad, paid for or free. Not sure about the likeminded thing?

My dealbreaker was the 3 strikes, hes hit it

I know it sounds ridiculous, it was a good marriage - I sound really sad but I thought we were happy together and it seems when hes away he cant be trusted. And of course I should be able to trust him.

Obviously the camming thing puts a whole new light on it and its not a good marriage anymore. Hence Im gutted/angry/tearful all at once.

Retrogamer

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

Is it really a good marriage? A bloke who joins adult type dating sites and cams other women sexually? Really?!?!

You'd be surprised. I have a few male friends that do similar.
One of whom his wife got him in the act as he had headphones on, with the door behind him

Jinx

Only last week we saw both sides of the family, spent a week together, did loads nice things and celebrated my 40th........ !!!!!! the balloons and flowers are still here. All ruined now...........

paulineb_2

Jinx wrote: »

Well on the front page it appears to be free, but maybe not when you actually go interactive, I didn't sign up. In my book its equally bad, paid for or free. Not sure about the likeminded thing?

My dealbreaker was the 3 strikes, hes hit it

I know it sounds ridiculous, it was a good marriage - I sound really sad but I thought we were happy together and it seems when hes away he cant be trusted. And of course I should be able to trust him.

Obviously the camming thing puts a whole new light on it and its not a good marriage anymore. Hence Im gutted/angry/tearful all at once.

Your dealbreaker should have been less than 3 strikes, youve made a rod for your own back with that one.

Also, you need to talk to him, talk, not shout even though you are angry and then make some decisions about where you go from here.

tinkerbell28

Most of those types are chargeable....that would annoy me as well.

The thing is. He's just that "Type". You had your warning before marriage, his ex, and now this. Despite your warning he just couldn't "help himself" because he was bored.

If someone works away, then the trust has to be utmost. As if it's not it will destroy both of you. You can't trust him, so it will kill your relationship anyway.

I've got to be honest, the fact he has form for these adult dating sites , live camming and actively chose to work away.

Makes me think you've only scraped the surface.

Jinx

I didn't think it would ever get to 3 Pauline.

I honestly didn't think the dating site thing would ever come around again and it was made clear it better not. And the texting an ex, there was a reason to get in touch and they (both) took it from there. I wasn't threatened by flirty banter, more upset about lies. Although I warned him I genuinely didn't think they were part of the same thing if you see what I mean?

I didn't think I was naïve. I lived on my own and happily dated for 2 years before meeting hubby.

When he started working away again I was looking at the positives of more time to myself as Ive never lived alone - looks like I'll be doing it for real - just wish not under these circumstances.

Maybe I have only scraped the surface. I suppose its moot now.

Jinx

Have just picked up 3 texts to say how sorry he is and how he would do anything to undo this......... turn back time anyone???