What a mess - happy anniversary, do i need a divorce??

tinkerbell28

Jinx wrote: »

I class the online interaction as cheating. Watching someone and interacting in a sexual manner on camera is cheating to me.

Watching !!!!!! is not cheating and I could easily live with that especially when hes away.

So he's cheated on you, you've just got to decide op if you can work though it and if you truly believe he won't do it again.

If he's on sex sites and chasing the thrill, then I wouldn't rule out him actually doing it in person now and in the future either.

Excited13

I'm so sorry I can't just read and run but at the same time I don't have any real advice. All I can say is go with your heart and if you can't trust him with your heart walk away.

Jinx

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

So he's cheated on you, you've just got to decide op if you can work though it and if you truly believe he won't do it again.

If he's on sex sites and chasing the thrill, then I wouldn't rule out him actually doing it in person now and in the future either.

If this was the only thing then I think we could probably work through it. I know he loves me and I love him.

However, its clearly not the first issue we've had - even if I discount the flirty banter with the ex as just that - the joining the other dating site before we got married was a similar thing - watching, looking for something.........

I guess you could look at it from the other perspective - I don't give something that he needs.

Either way that spells an end to our relationship.

jackieblack

Jinx wrote: »

Good point well made Jackie. In fact its probably even true, but it doesn't change the fact hes been interacting with other women does it?

No! Absolutely not!

I watched a best friend go through this, every time he was caught out he said he was sorry and promised never to cheat again, and a few months later..... guess what..... he did it again, and again and again....... knowing that he'd be forgiven.....

jackieblack

Jinx wrote: »

I guess you could look at it from the other perspective - I don't give something that he needs.

Even if this were true, it's no excuse.
This is absolutely NOT your fault!

Jinx

I am seesawing between emotions, upset hes done this to us and beyond livid that hes put me in this position! Why should I give up my marriage, home, security because of his stupid actions?!

Sigh....... feel drained

I spent my lunchtime today looking at flats to rent and houses to buy, must have seen the writing on the wall.

jackieblack

Jinx wrote: »

I am seesawing between emotions, upset hes done this to us and beyond livid that hes put me in this position! Why should I give up my marriage, home, security because of his stupid actions?!

Sigh....... feel drained

That's perfectly understandable, you've had horrible shock.
You need time to process.
I'm sure you'll go through every emotion going, similar to the grieving process.

tinkerbell28

Jinx wrote: »

I am seesawing between emotions, upset hes done this to us and beyond livid that hes put me in this position! Why should I give up my marriage, home, security because of his stupid actions?!

Sigh....... feel drained

I spent my lunchtime today looking at flats to rent and houses to buy, must have seen the writing on the wall.

Depends? Has he already given up on your marriage, in the sense he won't be able to give you the monogamous one you're after.

Security I'm presuming you're talking financial? Not emotional, marriage, relationship security. Or that of your sanity!

jinx_hubby

Seeing as how the phone is now broken I'll write here. I have read all the posts. I have never considered my self an addict but some of the posts have hit home. I am guilty of going too far with the interaction stuff. I have failed to distinguish the lines between copies of !!!!!! magazines in my bag (which we both had a look at) and the interactive on line stuff. I have never gone out to breakdown what has been a wonderful marriage. We have been though some tough times together and have pulled through. I have tried my wife's patience on many occasions - as she has mine, but we have always been able to talk and get back on track. I don't want to lose her but I accept that it has to be a two way thing. I have lost her trust.

Jinx

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

Depends? Has he already given up on your marriage, in the sense he won't be able to give you the monogamous one you're after.

Security I'm presuming you're talking financial? Not emotional, marriage, relationship security. Or that of your sanity!

In all honesty, I think it will be my decision. I am surmising that he will be contrite, promise the world and swear he loves me (or I could get a shock and it wont play out like that at all lol) He may promise monogamy but will there be the trust? He prob doesn't see the internet stuff as cheating but im quite sure he knows that I would.

Security, yes I initially meant financial. But it could all be resolved over time - I lived 30 years without him and can do so again. I just have to remember (and I often told him) I wanted him not needed him. The balance may all have tipped on that score.